I Have Returned to Cultivation, Master!
(Minghui.org) The opportunity to learn the Fa of the Universe does come not along in ten thousand years, yet I regretfully walked away from cultivation practice for 15 years before finally returning. When I slowly awakened after experiencing worldly preoccupations with reputation, self-interest, and feelings, my heart had just one thought, “I want to cultivate.” Nothing can now alter this thought. Below is my experience of returning to cultivation.
My Predestined Relationship with the Fa at a Young Age
My uncle gave me a precious book Zhuan Falun in October 1996, while I was still in elementary school. I read it once and believed everything that Master said in the book. As for my father, he never put down the book after picking it up.
During the initial stage of my Dafa cultivation, my father often brought me along to participate in Fa-study and do the exercises with our local group. However, as I went from elementary to junior high and then on to high school, I studied less and less, and eventually stopped altogether due to being too engrossed with my studies.
I moved away to attend college after graduating from high school. My father used every opportunity to try to awaken my righteous thoughts during school breaks and vacations, but I continued to degenerate as soon as I returned to school.
After graduating from college, I found out that my father had been illegally sentenced to three years in prison. When he was released, my preoccupation took the form of falling in love with an everyday person.
The young man's parents were opposed to our relationship when they discovered that my father had been persecuted. My boyfriend then broke off our relationship.
I cried and complained that my father had ruined my future. He reminded me that it was not wrong to cultivate in Falun Dafa. It was the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) that causes many families to be separated from one another, and many innocent people have also died.
I calmed down and gradually saw through the right and wrong of the disillusions in this world. At that moment, the thought of wanting to cultivate and transcend all everyday attachments emerged from the bottom of my heart.
Master Is Not Willing to Abandon Me
An aunt who was a practitioner invited me to participate in a small-scale experience sharing conference. Many practitioners attended, and I was moved to tears by their righteous thoughts, compassionate outlooks, and steadfast faith.
A few days after the conference, my aunt introduced me to a young Dafa disciple, who asked me to attend their weekend group Fa-study. I found that these practitioners were good at helping each other, which really helped me to quickly break through to new levels of understanding.
I realized that I had eliminated my attachment to lust, and was no longer preoccupied with seeking romantic love. After that, I knew that I had truly returned to Dafa this time.
Looking back at my process of returning to cultivation, I knew that Master had given me opportunities time and again.
“I want to save each person. As long as someone has learned the Fa, I want to save him, I don't want to abandon those people.” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Chicago Conference”)
Studying the Fa, Doing the Exercises, and Looking Within
I have since studied Master's lectures with my father after the morning exercises every day. I make use of the noon break to memorize Zhuan Falun , and our entire family now studies the Fa together at night.
I will not waste a single moment. Going to and from work, I listen to audio recordings of experience sharing articles. When I am less busy with my work, I read Minghui Weekly . And our entire family has started listening to traditional culture programs on Minghui Radio during meals.
I get only slightly over three hours of sleep every day. Sometimes I read until midnight, yet I am reluctant to put down the book because Master reveals new Fa principles to me, and points out attachments that I should eliminate.
Studying the Fa is a blessing, but I had cold feet when it came to doing the sitting meditation. I found that I had lost my ability to put my legs on top of one another in the lotus position. This was not a problem when I was younger. My legs became numb when I sent forth righteous thoughts for only 15 minutes.
Initially, my legs started to hurt after just ten minutes. However, I persisted and allowed them to hurt for the remaining 50 minutes. Often, the pain caused tears to roll down my face.
After I woke up at 5:00 a.m. for the morning exercises for a month, I found that I could wake up with ease, even though I used to love sleeping late.
A practitioner once mentioned that the energy field is particularly strong when practicing exercises as a group at 3:50 a.m.
“Why is the energy of the practice site very strong when you do the exercises in a group? It is because each of your fields, such good fields, are connected, so progress is rapid and everyone feels great.” (“Teaching the Fa at the Western U.S. Fa Conference”)
I know that Master will use another practitioner to hint that I should participate in the morning group exercises, too.
Master also said,
“I can tell you that watching the videos, group study, group practice, and conferences like the one we’re holding today are the only forms of Dafa cultivation that I have left you.” (“Teaching the Fa at the Western U.S. Fa Conference”)
With Master's strengthening, I woke up at 3:30 a.m. on the first day, and was not the least bit sleepy. My body felt very light when doing the moving exercises, and my hands were being driven by the qiji (energy mechanisms). When doing the sitting meditation, my legs were not in as much pain as before, and my whole body felt warm and comfortable.
I now wake up on time to participate in the group exercises, regardless of how late I went to bed the previous night.
Master said, “For a cultivator, looking within is a magical tool.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference”)
I immediately note in my phone when I find an attachment and think about it when I have time. I also put aside some time every day to examine myself. Sometimes, what appears as an inconspicuous matter ends up concealing a bigger attachment.
Selflessness Moved My Mother
During the time my father was being persecuted, my mother and I depended on Dafa to overcome obstacles. However, when my father was released from prison, we stopped cultivating.
My mother tried everything to stop me from cultivating, but she saw that I was truly determined to resume my path. I knew that the old forces were using my mother to create interference, so I directed my righteous thoughts at the evil beings that were controlling her. In my mind, I thought that I must not acknowledge their arrangement, and help my mother return to Dafa as well.
I later played recordings of the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party and Dissolving the Culture of China's Communist Party during meal time. My mother went from insisting on not listening to the recordings to letting us play them softly and, finally, to actively listening.
Later, Master arranged many practitioners to come to our house, and she finally started to read the Fa again.
However, my mother's cultivation path was met with another obstacle when she attended her class reunion. My father and I encouraged her to clarify the truth to her old classmates, so she brought along some DVDs to distribute. Upon returning a week later, however, she broke away from Dafa, as she had been influenced by her classmates and started reading books on Buddhism and modern qigong.
I felt sad for my mother, but I calmed down and looked within, “Why am I so attached to helping my mother cultivate Dafa?”
What I found was that I needed to eliminate my own selfish attachment. My mother began to practice again soon afterward.
Stepping Forward to Distribute Shen Yun DVDs
After reading Master's lectures, I came to understand deeply the solemn responsibilities of a Dafa disciple, and the urgency of saving sentient beings. However, I doubted my own capabilities when it came to clarifying the truth.
Master's words encouraged me at that moment,
“Every Dafa disciple, as long as you've cultivated according to this Fa, you should do the things Dafa disciples are supposed to do.” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2003 Atlanta Fa Conference”)
I study the Fa with a group of fellow practitioners on weekend mornings, and we then split into pairs in the afternoon and distribute Shen Yun DVDs, along wth software to break through the Internet blockade, and the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party .
Once, each of us carried a backpack filled with truth-clarification DVDs, and we finished distributing them in a short while. However, when everyone returned along the same route, we found the ground littered with the DVDs. Some people even broke them in half. Our hearts were aching as we picked them up.
On the way back, I was in deep thought and found our shortcomings. We had the attachment of simply doing things, and treated this as finishing an ordinary task. We then rectified our mentality, and almost never again were our materials thrown away.
When distributing Shen Yun DVDs, we occasionally encounter people who ask if it is related to Falun Gong. We initially replied that this was promoting 5,000 years of Chinese traditional culture. However, as more and more people started to ask, I pondered this question.
A man once asked repeatedly if I was a Falun Gong practitioner. I did not know where my courage came from but I said decisively, “Yes. Those choreographers, actors, and backstage staff that you see in this show are all Dafa practitioners. Only Dafa practitioners are able to create such a pure performance.”
After I finished, the man smiled and said, “Yes, I think the show is not bad.”
During that first year, we also encountered interference from the police. However, we always remained safe under Master's compassionate care.
One night we tried to give a Shen Yun DVD to a man who refused to take it. Instead, he turned around and shouted for his father. We then realized that he did not have any arms.
When we attempted to give the Shen Yun DVD to the man's father, he pushed it away before we had a chance to say anything. He said, “Do you know what my job is? If the two of you refuse to leave, I will take your photo.”
As he spoke, he took out his phone. However, we remained very calm. The other practitioner sent forth righteous thoughts while I smiled and said, “We are giving you a Shen Yun DVD, hoping that you will have a good future. Many miracles have happened to people after they watched Shen Yun. You will also benefit after you watch it.”
The man said to his father, “Don't be like that, Dad” and asked him to leave. When they were about to leave, I went up to give the DVD to them. The father stopped and said, “We have a lot of them at home. I have watched it.”
From Being Passive to Taking Initiative
I discovered that I have undergone two changes in this past year. Firstly, my understanding of the Fa has elevated from superficial to rational. The second change is that my cultivation has changed from being passive to that of taking initiative. This has allowed me to overcome my fear of rejection. After understanding this, I experienced true joy from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you, revered Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners! Heshi.