(Minghui.org) I was fortunate to become a Falun Dafa practitioner in 1997. I work on a farm and have a family of three. My wife and I have a son with intellectual disability. After my wife had a stroke in 2010, I had to do the farm work and handle all the household chores. It took almost all of my time during the day, and interfered with my doing truth clarification work. As a practitioner, I have a duty to save sentient beings, so I decided to distribute informational materials about Falun Dafa at night.
I usually get up at around 2 a.m. and ride my bike to distribute the materials. I send forth righteous thoughts while riding. I put the truth clarification materials in zip-lock bags and place them in a clean area for people to see. I never randomly throw them.
On my way back home, I add a thought for each flyer: “Let the truth-clarifying materials spread from one house to ten, from ten to one hundred. Let all sentient beings know the facts about Dafa and be saved. It is absolutely not permitted for people manipulated by the Chinese Communist Party to destroy or remove the materials.” I am usually able to get home before 6 a.m. and join the global time for sending righteous thoughts.
Under Master's Compassionate Care
I was riding my bike over a bridge one night in thick fog. I didn't see a large pile of sand on the road and rode straight into it, throwing me off my bike. The materials flew everywhere. I hurried to carefully pick them up and then continued on my journey. Luckily, I was not injured.
Sometimes, the bicycle chain fell off while I was out riding at night. It was too dark to see properly, so I asked Master for help and I was quickly able to fix the bike and continue on my way.
I was once walking in the middle of a dried river bed, when suddenly I felt terrified. My hair stood on end. I knew it was the old forces interfering with me, so I asked Master, “Please eliminate the dark minions and old force elements.” My notion of fear immediately went away.
The Old Forces Were Exploiting My Human Notions
I had another xinxing test regarding the notion of fear. After I finished distributing materials one night, and was ready to leave a village, a man opened his door and pointed his flashlight towards me. I tensed up and left immediately on my bike. When I had a chance to look inward, I discovered many human emotions. I was not wanting to be seen by others, not wanting trouble, pursuing peace and quiet, and was afraid that things would interfere with my Dafa work.
It is just like what Master said:
“... the appearance stems from the mind.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the Epoch Times Meeting”)
“The more you fear it, the sicker you will look. This attachment of yours must be removed. You will be made to learn from this lesson so that your fear can be removed, and you can advance.” (Zhuan Falun)
Under Master's compassionate care, I have distributed thousands of informational materials to people in dozens of the surrounding villages.
When I had the chance to talk to some of the villagers, it seemed that none of them had understood the facts about Falun Dafa, even though they had read the materials. Some even badmouthed the practice. I was disappointed that my truth-clarifying efforts had not had a positive effect in saving sentient beings. I realized that the old forces had capitalized on my notion of fear, and prevented people from learning the facts about Dafa.
I had endless chores to do and I was not efficient at doing the three things at all. The day passed in the blink of an eye. I barely had time to study the Fa and send forth righteous thoughts. I did occasionally find time to clarify the facts to people face-to-face, but the result was not good.
Even though I was feeling despondent, I still managed to study the Fa every day. I knew that if I didn't keep up with Fa study, I could be totally ruined by the old forces. I also realized that if I didn't save sentient beings, I could not be called a true Dafa practitioner.
Master said:
“You may say, “I’ve cultivated pretty well. I read the book every day, and I do the exercises for a long time.” But I would say that is not the cultivation of a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple; you haven’t cultivated. And how is that so? Because Dafa disciples are not the monks of the past, who only sought personal Consummation. Dafa disciples have a mission, and that is why you are called “Dafa disciples.” Your goal is not your personal Consummation. It is to lead a large group of lives to Consummation. So you must go and do that.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2013 Greater New York Fa Conference”)
Anxious About Not Fulfilling My Vows
We are in the last stages of Fa-rectification and time is limited. I often remind myself: “If you don't save sentient beings, if you dawdle and wait for the end of Fa-rectification, aren't you waiting to be weeded out along with your sentient beings?”
Whenever I thought of my vows, I became extremely anxious, but I couldn't break through my weak state of mind. I didn't know what caused this, but anxiety was clearly visible on my face. Sometimes, I was not able to sit in meditation with both legs crossed in the double lotus position. My knees were stiff and painful. When I tried hard to pull my legs up but couldn’t, I felt sorrow and grief in my heart. I even stopped doing the meditation for a while. Luckily, I soon realized that I was walking on a path arranged by the old forces.
Cultivation Is Solemn and For the Sake of Others
I once read a practitioner's sharing in “Minghui Weekly” and began to cry when I saw the words, “For his sake, for his well being.” I was deeply moved to see that the practitioner was clearly able to put others first.
After a dozen years of cultivation, I still didn't know how to cultivate. I was just doing things, trying to fulfill my 'duty'. But I didn't cultivate a compassionate heart. I did things for sentient beings, but had not truly connected with sentient beings.
“Just one step further and you've entered Heaven”(“Dragon Springs” from Hong Yin III)
I understand that if one's starting point is different, the outcome will be different. Whatever I did in the past, it was subconsciously done with a selfish heart. It was for my sake, and not for others. I did not break through the old cosmos's fundamentally selfish nature. I had been stuck in cultivation for a long time because of my realm. My understanding, my way of doing things did not break out of that level, and made me feel exhausted.
Thank you Master for your compassionate care. I will try my best to assimilate to the Fa, eliminate human notions through cultivation, save sentient beings and fulfill my vows. I will firmly cultivate in Dafa, and be more diligent to repay Master's immense grace.
Category: Improving Oneself
