A New Practitioner's Cultivation Experience of Learning to Look Within and Elevate His Thoughts
Greetings, Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
I am a new student who obtained the Fa in 2012. Here I would like to share my experiences during my cultivation.
One evening I was sitting at the computer browsing social networking sites. Suddenly I came across a picture of a practitioner. He was sitting in the lotus position, all in yellow clothes. I looked at the information and saw that this practitioner was from my hometown and now lives in Kiev, Ukraine. I was very excited, because I clearly realized that it was a sign. I thought: "That's exactly what I'm looking for!" I wrote him a message and waited.
The practitioner replied quickly, sending me a link to the site falundafa.org, but when I went to the site, I did not understand anything. I felt disappointed and went to bed.
The next day, the practitioner wrote to me and asked how I was progressing, I said that I did not understand anything and asked for more information. Then he sent me video lectures, which I was unable to play due to a technical issue, and the book Zhuan Falun. I downloaded the book into my phone and decided to read it.
While on the train to my hometown, I read five lectures at once. I felt Falun rotating. When I returned to Kiev, I learned the exercises and began to go to the practice site. And then I suddenly realized: My whole life was a preparation, a prelude to Dafa. All events came together, I was enduring hardships, repaying my karma in order to obtain Dafa. I was very aware of it.
As a child, I often tried to recall a certain memory. I knew it was very important, that it just took a little bit more effort and I'd remember it, understand it. But every time I never managed to remember it. Now everything fell into place, and it felt like I always knew it, but then just forgot it, and all my life I was trying to painfully recall it. I tried and tried but could not, and now I suddenly remembered! Master helped me get back on the right path, pointed the way in the darkness.
Looking inside to resolve conflicts in the family
My wife did not want to accept the Fa. I literally made her cultivate. Seeing the rapid changes in me, she reluctantly started watching Master’s video lectures, and her body began to be cleansed. But I was always unhappy with her, because I thought that she was not diligent enough, did not study the Fa enough, did not send forth righteous thoughts, did not do the exercises, and so on.
At that time I did not have any sickness states or experience any signs of my body being cleansed, but my whole family was sick, starting with my child and ending with my mother-in-law. I communicated a lot with a practitioner who shared with me and sent me links to Master’s articles or quotations.
Soon my wife had seen all the lectures and began to read Zhuan Falun, but our relationship continued to get worse every day. I felt the tension physically and continued to accuse her of everything I could think of, but did not look within. We blamed each other.
I realized this situation was for us to cultivate, so we could elevate our levels together with improved xinxing. It was wrong of me to be so selfish.
We began to go together to group Fa study, but it did not help much, as when we returned home, it started all over again.
One day, I listened to practitioners’ sharing and discussion after reading Master’s lecture. I saw they were talking exactly about my problems: that one needs to look within constantly. I used to hear that so many times, but I did not really understand it. I began to look within at my pursuits and attachments. I realized I did not appreciate what she did for me and for our family. I did not try to understand her; I was selfish and thought only of myself.
I was shaking. The deeper I looked within myself, the more I understood and saw my attachments that had to be eliminated. I was choked with tears. Finally I realized what it means to look within. I was amazed and deeply moved.
When I came home, everything changed miraculously, as if it never happened. My wife was calm, there was dinner waiting for me on the table. I realized it was because of I had improved my xinxing and was able to understand what it means to look within.
Confident and proud to be a Dafa practitioner
Every day I try to hand out materials, I try to save sentient beings. When I began to do it, I had just started to practice. For a couple of months I had a lot of fear. I self-conscious, with no clear understanding of why I was doing this thing.
First I gave leaflets to people with very great difficulty. With an effort, I seemed to overcome it. I began to give leaflets every day when I went to work. All of this eventually turned into a formality. Very often I felt uncertainty and self-conscious, especially when people mistreated me or refused to take the materials.
One time I was handing out leaflets on the way to work and an elderly woman wanted to know what I gave her. She began to ask me about the practice. I told her all that I knew. Then she asked for my phone number, because she wanted to practice with me. It turned out she lives near me. I tried to tell her about the persecution, but she was not listening. She was asking about Master and what benefits I got from the practice.
I had to go the other way, and we stopped to write down my phone number.
Suddenly, a woman came up to us. As it turned out, it was that woman's daughter. She looked down on me, pulled the materials out of her mother’s hands and said, "Mum, it’s time for you to go for your analysis."
She briefly looked through leaflets and tore them up, then turned to me and told me to leave. I was shocked and indignant, "What is she doing? Everything started so well, and this woman ruined everything." I tried to rectify the situation. With a tight smile I began to tell her that she was wrong, that she shouldn’t have done that, and that Falun Gong is a good practice. But she did not listen and shouted louder and louder, demanding that I leave.
I turned and walked slowly away, all mixed up with shame and fear. I began to send forth righteous thoughts. I was shaking. I was pretty angry. People did not take leaflets from me because my condition was very bad. I arrived at work and was deep in thought about why it had happened, because it was not a coincidence.
“In times of trouble, how many of you can genuinely look within yourselves for reasons? Of course, many of you are able to do this on some occasions, but numerous other times you are still unable. If when you find the real reasons within yourself you dare to face and recognize them, you will find that the matter instantly changes and the problem disappears. Suddenly, for no known reason, it will seem that no friction or matters have ever happened between you and the other person. This is because for a cultivator there’s no such thing as coincidence, and no accidental occurrence is allowed to disrupt the course of your cultivation.” (Lecture at the First Conference in North America)
Later, I shared with a practitioner on the Internet and she helped me find my attachment. I told her, "I looked within and found it hurts my feelings when people do not treat Dafa with respect." She said, "Look within yourself even deeper. Why does it hurt your feelings? ' I replied that it was the fear of losing face. She said, "You're afraid that you will be considered weird. This stems from a lack of belief in Dafa. You have doubts, you did not put Dafa in a place that you are proud of it, despite what others have to say. "
Suddenly I realized my attachment. Every day I was handing out materials, but I was full of fear at the same time. Every day I had fear and did not even notice it. I worried what people thought of me and tried to justify my actions. I should be proud of being a Dafa practitioner and be confident to clarify the truth to people. When I realized this, I felt light and the fear was gone. There was a feeling that a lotus flower blossomed in my chest. I felt it very clearly for the first time in my practice.
Now I hand out materials in a different way. I keep the thought in my mind that I'm saving sentient beings, helping Master, and doing the most righteous thing. So why should I be afraid? Evil must fear me. I feel like I matured. Now I look people straight in the eye when giving out leaflets. I don’t feel much affected by people’s reactions. An ordinary person cannot hurt an enlightened being.
Eliminating the attachment to lust and sexual desire
Throughout my life, I used to watch pornographic movies. When I started to cultivate, I had no problem letting this go. But then in the process of cultivation, I did not pass when the tests began.
Every time I gave in and watched these movies, I blamed myself and then did it again. I knew I had to stop, but could not. It came to the point that even when I was doing the exercises or at night I had a very strong desire to watch them. I almost could not resist.
I thought it was a minor thing, but this thing had created a barrier in me and deceived me into believing that I could stop at any time.
Out of shame, I did not share with others about the problem. One day I talked about it to one fellow practitioner. He said to me very seriously that all of my problems were because of this attachment. And I finally enlightened that I had to stop it once and for all.
I promised myself never to watch such movies again. Two weeks passed. My desire was getting stronger, but I decided that I would be persistent and would not give in. I sent forth righteous thoughts.
Once, a girl on a social network added me as her friend. She invited me to meet her for an intimate relationship. I realized that this was a test. Falun powerfully rotated in my lower abdomen and I immediately calmed down. I decided to tell her about Dafa. I started writing to her with warmth and compassion. I also told her that what she was doing was very bad. In the end, she was very moved and wrote that she cried when she read my words. I sent her a link to Zhuan Falun. Later her page disappeared.
But my tests were not over. When I turned on my computer and got online, I immediately ran into those pages. I closed them immediately. I enlightened that this matter is really dirty, and how serious the problem of sexual addiction is. Now I destroy every thought connected with this matter and purify my mind.
When my wife and I began to go to group Fa-study in another city, I had strong sickness karma. I had a fever of 40 degrees. I was lying in bed. I realized it was just the dirt that had accumulated in me over the years as I watched bad movies. The root of that bad thing was pulled out, and now that dirt was coming out. I saw with my Celestial Eye clusters of dark matter, which had layers upon layers. Their density was very high. They had a bad smell.
Despite the fact that on the day of our departure I still felt bad, my wife and I decided that we would go. We took our child to his grandmother's and then went to a railway station to take the train to that city for Fa study.
I was weak, my bones hurt, and my head was heavy. But I felt better on the night train because of the righteous field of other practitioners.
At night it turned out that my mattress was lumpy and very uncomfortable. When we arrived at our destination my mother-in-law called us and said that our son was seriously ill with a fever. I knew this was just interference to prevent us from joining group Fa study.
While at Fa study I had unpleasant feelings. It seemed as if something was moving inside of me and I wanted to run away. I tried to fight against it. I said to myself firmly that I would stay. Then this bad matter inside of me stopped its interference. Even though I hadn't slept all night, I could read the Fa the entire time with the group with a clear mind.
Being responsible for my own living beings
Since the beginning of my practice I have tried to do all the exercises every day. Previously my human feelings often surfaced: laziness, fatigue, and notions. All these interfere with me. I had problems with the 5th exercise, as I could not sit in the lotus position. Every day I got up early and did the first four exercises, then warmed up to sit in the half lotus position.
It took me six months of pain and anguish before I was able to cross my legs in the full lotus position. I can now meditate for 47 minutes in the full lotus position.
Every Thursday we have our group Fa-study. I came back home very late and did not do the fifth exercise, because I had to go to work the next day, and I wanted to get some sleep. I was afraid of not getting enough sleep, or feeling tired. One day I did not go to group Fa-study and stayed home with our child. I had time to do the exercises, but I wanted to sleep and I began to look for excuses not to practice. I noticed it was interference, so I decided to do the exercises and turned on the exercise music.
As soon as I started, I felt extreme pain in my legs. I decided to go on and practice at least for half an hour. The pain was very severe, I could not enter into a tranquil state, and I wanted to stop.
All of a sudden, over my right shoulder I saw a small child, with whom I felt a strong kinship. He was very familiar to me. Then I realized this was a living being from my world. I felt that inside of me there are billions of living beings that constitute me, and those beings put all their hopes on me. They feel joy when I'm doing good and sad when I cannot be diligent. To them, I am a god, so they all believe in me and are willing to give their lives for me. I felt a huge responsibility and was ashamed of my selfishness.
Every day, they pin their hopes on me. The gods look carefully at the improvement in my thoughts. This helped me enlarge my view and eliminate my selfishness on this level of my cultivation. Now I do the exercises not only for myself, but also for all sentient beings that have entrusted me with their lives – these lives and I constitute one body.
Thank you, Master!
Thank you, fellow-practitioners!