My Rebellious Child Changed after I Searched Inward
(Minghui.org) In 2001, I was abducted by the hired thugs of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) in my neighborhood and illegally sentenced to six years in prison. At that time, my young son had just turned seven, an age where he really needed his mother's love and care. But because I believed in Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance and conducted myself accordingly, the CCP tore my family apart.
My child's father was having an affair, and so was often not home. After I was arrested, he sold our house and bought a bungalow to live in with his mistress. He left my child in his brother's home, where the boy's grandfather also was living. My sister-in-law (his brother's wife) was not very mature and spoke to my child negatively about his parents. She told him that his father did not want him because of the other woman in his life, and I did not want him because I practice Falun Gong and was arrested. Then she would tell him that she was the only one who cared about him. Over time, my child truly felt that I did not want him.
When I got out of prison, my son was well into his 13th year. He was not happy to see me, was very quiet around me, and did not call me Mom. When I tried to interact with him, he would just avoid me. He would refuse to eat food that I served him. He would not allow me to have the TV remote, even going so far as taking it apart when I wanted to use it.
His rebellious behavior got worse and worse. He started to smoke, and would often get into fights with other kids. He had a bad temper. I had not studied the Fa in prison, so my xinxing was not good, and we had more and more conflicts with each other. We argued, and he swore at me. I would scold him, completely forgetting that I was a Falun Dafa cultivator and needed to search inward. My life was full of tribulations and very painful for me.
Later, I began to attend a group Fa study. Through repeated Fa study, I truly understood that to a cultivator, one very crucial principle is to search inward. In “Teaching the Fa at the Fa Conference at the U.S. Capital” in 2006, Teacher said,
“If [a cultivator] can look within when going through that, he will be able to find his shortcomings. If the conflict or tension were not brought to the surface or didn't appear, you wouldn't be able to discover your attachments and identify them. When all is calm and smooth, can you cultivate yourself?”
I suddenly understood why I repeatedly had conflicts with my son, and our conflicts all appeared so intense. It was because I always looked outwards in the face of the conflicts. Was I not going in the wrong direction?
After I realized the importance of looking inside, I began to sincerely and faithfully look inward. Many attachments surfaced, including hatred, grievance, vanity, face-saving, etc. I realized why I lacked the tolerance, understanding, and compassion that a cultivator is supposed to possess.
At that time, I understood that the behavior of my child was actually a mirror of my cultivation and that constantly assessing myself in terms of that mirror is genuine cultivation practice. Teacher said in “Teaching the Fa at the Fa Conference at the U.S. Capital” in 2006,
“When a problem occurs, it is because that person is stubbornly going against the Fa principles. Go and find where the problem lies, let go of that stubbornness, and sort things out. When you encounter something, the best approach is not to charge forward and contend with others, push your way to the front, and rush forward to chase down the solution. Let go of your attachment, take a step back, and then resolve it.”
It turned out that I did not really listen to what Teacher said and did not follow what Teacher advised, which caused me to stumble and feel pain in my heart.
I learned to no longer argue with my son in a conflict. When I noticed he was in a good mood, I told him about traditional culture and the goodness of Falun Dafa and let him know how Teacher showed us to be good people. When I saw him in a blue mood, I tried to be considerate of him and refrained from talking to him. During his middle school entrance examination, I knew he did not like to study much, so I encouraged him to go to a vocational school instead. However, to my surprise, he became more interested in his studies, and his behavior at school also improved. During the summer and winter breaks, he would go out to do part-time jobs by himself. I told him, with the help of the Divine, people can do things more and more smoothly. I urged him to firmly remember, “Falun Dafa Is Good.”
I have found that my remarks greatly touched him, which really had an effect on his behavior. Soon after, he asked me to download the songs composed by Dafa practitioners and the electronic books of Falun Dafa. He has also watched the Shen Yun DVD. Gradually, my son has walked into Falun Dafa. At one time when I chatted with him, he said, “I now feel that I have become more and more compassionate.” It was indeed so. He began to genuinely care about me. One day, I felt unwell and was vomiting. He immediately came to gently pat my back and give me a glass of water. He checked on me every now and then, to see if I was feeling better. This had never happened before.
At present, there are still occasional conflicts between us, but when they occur, I know how to handle them as a cultivator. In the past, my fellow practitioners regarded the conflicts in my family as almost insuperable. Some fellow practitioners shook their heads with a sigh upon hearing my case. When I walked out of my tribulations, I truly understood what Teacher said in Zhuan Falun,
“Cultivation practice itself is not difficult, and neither is upgrading one’s level itself difficult. It is because they cannot give up the human mind that they call it difficult.”
Since I have upgraded my xinxing, my family environment has also improved. Upon seeing our changes, my friends and relatives have witnessed the goodness of Falun Dafa and become more receptive to the facts about Dafa. My brother-in-law, who used to be quite reserved about Dafa, has now quit the CCP.
I know my cultivation still has a lot left to be desired, but I wrote down my foregoing cultivation process, mainly to express my gratitude to revered Master for his compassionate salvation.