Thanks to Falun Dafa, the Long-standing Feud Between My Mother-in-law and Me Is Resolved
Even though I began my practice of Falun Dafa many years ago, for a long period of time I had failed to really cultivate my xinxing and improve my character. As a result, I was mired in family and workplace troubles.
Most annoying was the long-standing feud with my mother-in-law, who seemed to be capable of setting me off with the most trivial slight.
My once happy marriage also became shaky because of this. In the meantime, I was upset that I was never given the opportunity to fully unlock my potential and prove myself at work. The kind of joy and lightness I felt at the very beginning of my cultivation was nowhere to be found.
Only recently did I come to the realization that all the fights with my family and all the unfairness at my workplace happened for a reason and were indeed opportunities for me to repay the debts I owed in my previous lives. I no longer tried to find fault with others. To my great delight, the change in myself soon brought positive changes to my surroundings.
The long-standing feud between me and my mother-in-law was resolved without much effort, and I began to enjoy a happy marriage again.
Had I not cultivated Dafa, it would have been impossible for me to improve my relationship with my mother-in-law. I would like to share with everyone my long journey.
Look to See the Underlying Karmic Reasons
After all the fame and personal gains I pursued had passed me by and my family relationships had soured, I was in total despair and didn't know which way to turn. My mother-in-law in particular had become a huge test for me, and I just couldn't stop hating her. My husband was put in a difficult situation, and he fought with me all the time. I don't even remember how many tears I shed behind people's backs. My heart was broken and I was desperate beyond words.
Though I often came across Minghui articles that talked about how the authors improved their relationships with their in-laws, I just didn't bother to read them carefully. Deep inside, I was actually avoiding my problems.
One day the following passages of Master's teachings suddenly flashed in my mind:
“So from now on in your practice you’ll run into all kinds of tribulations. How could you cultivate without them?”
“A person has to truly temper himself in real-life situations—that’s the only way you can improve.” (Zhuan Falun)
In the past I never really had a good comprehension of this Fa principle. But that day I suddenly came to the realization that I had to go through enough tribulations in real-life situations in order to truly temper my heart.
I remembered what Master said about Yuan (karmic relationship). Human beings are all connected by different types of Yuan . During endless reincarnations, we have done both favors and harm to other people. As a result, we'll either repay our debts or reap benefits in our next life. All the things I experienced with my family and work existed for a reason, and it was up to me to utilize them to improve myself.
It then dawned on me that probably I had done something really bad to my mother-in-law in my previous lives. No wonder she always picked on me and we never saw eye to eye.
As soon as I came to see the possibility of an underlying karmic relationship between me and my mother-in-law, all the grudges and hatred I held against her disappeared. I felt lucky I had become a Dafa disciple in this lifetime. I recalled Master's teaching: “A person should return to his original, true self—that’s actually the true purpose of being human.” (Zhuan Falun)
I saw that the person who was upset and intolerant all the time was not my true self at all. If it were not me, why did I have to cling to it and submit to its control? I made up my mind to be my true self.
In ancient times, professional cultivators had to travel around to seek tribulations to temper their hearts. Now that Master had arranged opportunities for me to cultivate myself, there was no reason to not go through all the sufferings with ease. After all, I was repaying my debts. The more I had to endure, the faster I could settle all the debts.
This enhanced understanding of Master's teachings made me feel like I had regained a new life full of happiness and lightness. A huge burden was lifted from my shoulders, and I was no longer bothered by the going-ons between me and my mother-in-law.
Making Peace with My Mother-in-law
I took the initiative to solve the problems between me and my mother-in-law. In no time our feud disappeared. I also found some opportunities to tell her to remember “Falun Dafa is good and Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good,” and she seemed very receptive. When I called her again later, she told me her health was getting better and better.
During all those years when I fought with my mother-in-law, she always complained about her poor health. Maybe my enormous grudge even traveled from Canada to China to cast a spell on her. Now that I had adjusted my mindset, she began to enjoy good health. I knew it was truly the power of Dafa that changed everything.
Harmonizing My Relationship with My Husband
I was the kind of person who took great pride in her abilities and never was one to admit her mistakes. It was not easy for me to let go of my pride, competitiveness, and combativeness. My husband almost lost his patience after numerous fights with me.
Just when he was in despair, I sincerely apologized to him for the very first time in almost ten years. Such a seemingly tiny step was actually a huge breakthrough for me. After all, the human side of me never wanted to lose to anyone.
As soon as I made up my mind to adjust myself, Master helped me remove many bad substances, and I felt unusually light. Because of my change, my husband also changed for the better and no longer lost his temper that easily. At the same time, his business picked up and he was very pleased that I was willing to listen to his complaints regarding his business dealings.
We no longer screamed at each other. Though minor conflicts still came up every day, I was able to quickly calm down and see if I hadn't done well in certain areas.
My strained relationship with my mother-in-law had always been the knot in my husband's heart. Now that the knot was untied, he was very happy and became more and more outgoing. My family became more and more harmonious as a result.
Had I not cultivated Dafa, it would have been impossible for me to improve my relationship with my mother-in-law. My husband saw how I had changed and was totally convinced of Dafa's power. He became interested in learning more about the practice and my involvement in various activities to promote Dafa and stop the persecution. He also came to see that all the good things our family had were all a result of my belief in gods and Buddhas.
Now I no longer have to hide from him my Fa-study and Fa-promoting activities. He'll walk away quietly whenever it is time for me to send forth righteous thoughts, do the exercises, or make phone calls to China to tell people what Falun Gong is really about. He also reminds our kids to not bother me.
My experience truly validates what Master said:
“The cultivation is up to you, gong is up to the master.”
“We should focus on the big picture and cultivate openly and with dignity.”
“And when you can really do it, just like that worn and weary traveler, you’ll see, 'the shade of willows, the blooms of flowers, a place to rest my head'!" (Zhuan Falun)
Remain Alert to My Attachments
The relationship with my mother-in-law was the most difficult xinxing test for me. Once I passed this biggest hurdle, nothing else seemed too much for me and I was confident how to handle tribulations that came my way.
I sat down and made a list of all remaining attachments I could think of. Every day I reflected on what I did during the day and examined what attachments I had removed and what new ones had popped up. I was determined to work hard “til no single omission is found” (“Cultivating Amidst the Delusion,” Hong Yin)
Though it was not always smooth sailing, I passed one test after another.
Now I treat everything I encounter as a test for me. Whether I can pass the test depends on whether or not I study the Fa solidly. I make sure to read Dafa books every day no matter how busy I am. In addition to my focus on Zhuan Falun , I also follow the order of the publication dates of Master's lectures and go through all of them once on a regular basis.
Without pursuing quantity or speed in my Fa-study, I just clean out my mind to read Dafa books attentively. I also constantly check to see if every thought of mine conforms to Dafa standards.
Whenever I spot bad thoughts, I recite Master's teaching on cultivating speech. I remind myself that I must improve my character in the first place in order to cultivate my speech.
Anytime I feel an urge to argue with someone, I will immediately recite Master's poem “Don't Argue” (Hong Yin III). I remind myself that I am a cultivator and that everything I encounter is an opportunity to temper my heart and improve myself.
Above is my understanding at my current cultivation level. Please point out anything not conforming to the Fa. I hope we can elevate our understanding of the Fa together and maintain righteous thoughts and actions while assisting Master with the Fa-rectification process.