China Fahui | Break through Fear and Loneliness and Save More Sentient Beings
(Minghui.org) Greetings revered Master, greetings fellow practitioners. I'm a 68 year-old Falun Dafa practitioner in Hebei Province, and have been doing cultivation for 16 years. I would like to take this opportunity to share my recent cultivation experiences regarding the elimination of attachments. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.
I have been quite timid throughout my life. Even life-long experience didn't seem to help. Since my husband passed away, I've lived alone, as all my children work in other towns. Fear became a true test for me.
My family and relatives left after my husband's funeral. I dared not spend the night at home by myself, so I went to stay with a relative and returned home the next morning. This became a daily routine; I'd pack up and leave as soon as the sun started moving toward the western sky.
I realized a month later that this wasn't a permanent solution. I'm a Falun Dafa practitioner. I have to eliminate fear sooner or later, and the sooner, the better. I made up my mind to stop going to my relative's home at night. I locked my door at sunset, turned on all the indoor and outdoor lights, did my exercises, and listened to Master's lectures. My home is located far from other houses in my village, and it was dreadfully quiet at night. Occasionally, I'd hear a dog bark from far away. Any noise would set off fear and anxiety. I'd then listen more carefully, making it even more frightening. The first night alone at home, I fell asleep while listening to Master's lecture. I made up my mind not to go to anyone else's home at night no matter how scared I was. I was determined to break through my fear.
I studied the Fa intensively and sent righteous thoughts. I recited Master's words regarding timidity.
“Timidity is caused by a factor called 'timidity' that exists in this universe. It causes you to be afraid. The more scared you are, the more its effect on you. You have to conquer it with willpower—it’s a matter of willpower. This too needs to be accomplished in your cultivation.” (“Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Switzerland”)
“If you are not afraid, the factor that would make you afraid will cease to exist. This is not to be self-imposed, but is achieved by truly and calmly letting go of it.” (“Eliminate Your Last Attachment(s)” from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
As I gained a better understanding of the Fa, I developed stronger righteous thoughts, resulting in less and less fear. I continued to participate in group study, clarify the facts about Falun Gong, help people to quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its affiliated organizations, and distribute printed materials.
Without fear, I would take advantage of the night to distribute truth-clarification materials. When the nights were darker and the weather was bad, those were good times for me. I put self-adhesive labels on light poles by myself around 3 pm and felt that Master was right with me, and I wasn't afraid at all. Whenever I wished to go out the next morning, I'd wake up at the right time without an alarm clock.
On Chinese New Year's eve, I posted labels and banners saying, “Falun Dafa is great” on every light pole along the street. Some poles surrounded by snow drifts were very hard to reach. With Master's care and my determination, I finished the job smoothly. The banners stayed in place for a very long time. I posted another 50 labels on the night of July 20 (the date when the persecution of Falun Gong started in 1999) of this year. I didn't have a bit of fear and felt very relaxed.
Facing Family Pressure
My husband was also a Falun Dafa practitioner. His death caused a great disturbance among our family members and relatives. Some wouldn't listen to the facts about Falun Gong and blamed me for his death. The family pressure far exceeded the pain I suffered from losing my husband. Their comments didn't make me waver from my faith, and I made up my mind to remain diligent.
My brother once mentioned that his son was experiencing severe pain in his back. Expensive medical treatment didn't help, so I told him to tell his son to repeat sincerely, “Falun Dafa is great, Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance are great.” I suggested that it would be even better if his son did the Falun Gong exercises. My brother gave me a dirty look. I said calmly, “Do you think your brother-in-law (my husband) died because he didn't go to the hospital?
His older brother had the same hereditary disease and died at 50, though he underwent all kinds of treatment in different hospitals.
All of their cousins died of the same disease within a few days of diagnosis at a younger age than he. If your brother-in-law hadn't practiced Falun Gong, he would have died 10 years ago. Don't listen to any rumors.” My brother didn't say a word, but removed his malevolent look.
In my husband's family 12 people had joined us in practicing Falun Dafa. Most remained diligent after my husband's death, and only a few hesitated. I shared my understandings with them, and they eventually continued their cultivation practice.
Eliminating the Feeling of Desolation
I was often struck by desolation after my husband passed away. I used to lead a simple life and didn't worry about the details. I now have to deal with both sides of our families and everything else that comes up. There were times when I felt troubled and completely empty. The sympathetic words of others made me feel even worse.
“I have said that our school of practice directly targets one’s mind.” (Zhuan Falun)
“Here amidst the secular world, it is all up to you to walk the path correctly and to go beyond ordinary people when immersed in this complicated setting. Everything that ordinary people seek; everything that ordinary people want to gain; everything that ordinary people act on, say, and do—all of this is, for you, what needs to be cultivated away.” (“Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan”)
I followed Master's instruction and made myself a busy schedule. I seized the time to study the Fa, listened to Minghui broadcast programs while doing housework, and watched the Shen Yun Performing Arts DVD at mealtimes. I was often moved to tears by the songs' lyrics. I felt Master's profound compassion, which encouraged me to make diligent progress.
When I sent righteous thoughts, I added the goal of eliminating interference and the feelings of desolation. Master helped me and eliminated most of it. Before I knew it, I no longer felt lonely and completely empty. Other forms of interference were also reduced. I'm now able to devote myself to the three things. I once told a fellow practitioner that I couldn't find enough time to do everything.” She said, “You are almost a professional cultivator!” I laughed.
Producing Truth Clarification Materials
Master told us to establish small-scale truth clarification material sites “like flowers blossoming everywhere.” Many elderly practitioners shared their computer-learning experiences on the Minghui website, and how they produced truth clarification materials. I had the same wish.
I finally bought a good computer and laser printer, and set up wireless Internet access at home. However, I knew nothing about electronics and my mind seemed to resist learning about it. I reinforced the idea that I had to learn how to use a computer for the sake of validating the Fa and offering salvation to sentient beings.
I started learning from scratch and wrote down more than 40 detailed steps. Getting on the Internet and printing were big challenges. I didn't know what to do when something went wrong, but I was thrilled to print the first copy of Minghui Weekly on May 13, 2010.
No words can describe my fear of printing materials. When my xinxing fell short, my computer and printer would have problems. I was worried that the printer's noise would be heard outside, so I shut my door and windows tightly. I used the printer at times when no one was visiting.
My daughter, who is also a practitioner, once came to visit me. She started printing Minghui newsletters in the morning with the windows open because it was a hot day. I was flustered and paced back and forth. My daughter suddenly said, “Look! There are big words on the newsletter saying 'Why are they so timid?' A dozen copies have these words!” I felt ashamed, because I knew that this was meant for me. I still keep these special copies of that newsletter.
I used to have a strong tendency to rely on others. I admired those practitioners who had family members working together. Usually, the husband knows how to repair computers or the son knows technology. I really wished that I could have a helping hand, however, I realized that this was an attachment that I needed to eliminate.
“Each person is cultivating himself, and each must walk his own path; there are no references to draw upon or examples to follow. There’s just one thing: how you follow the Fa in your actions.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2013 Greater New York Fa Conference”)
“Under the effect of righteous thoughts, everything around you, as well as you yourself, will undergo changes. Yet you have never thought to give it a try.” (“20th Anniversary Fa Teaching”)
I was enlightened by Master's words. I must walk my own path. No one else can cultivate for me. I must shoulder my projects well and persist no matter what difficulties I may encounter.
A practitioner said that the independence of material production sites is essential to their safety. I keep this in my mind and download materials, print and distribute them by myself. I have experienced hardships and happiness from my actions, and this is also a process for me to eliminate my various attachments. Even though there are many things to improve upon, I have full confidence to break through any difficulty and produce more truth clarification materials.
This sharing is based on my limited understanding in cultivation. Please feel free to point out anything inappropriate.