China Fahui | Eliminate Fear and Walk Free
(Minghui.org) I have been a Falun Dafa practitioner for 18 years now. This is the first time I am writing an experience-sharing report. I regret not writing sooner, but now feel prepared to report to Master and share with fellow practitioners about my cultivation.
At an Impasse, Acquired the Fa
Before I found Falun Dafa, I suffered from a gastric ulcer, angina, sinusitis, hemorrhoids and, worst of all, neurasthenia. My poor health made it very difficult for me to sleep for more than two or three hours at a time, even if I took sleeping pills. I worked every day, so lack of proper sleep often left me groggy all day long.
My husband had an affair when our daughter was just six years of age. We could not get along after that, so we divorced. I lived with my daughter and supported her. Then, conflicts at work led me to resign. I had no source of income and felt that my life was truly at an impasse.
My younger brother paid me a visit one day in July 1996. He introduced Falun Dafa to me. He told me how wonderful it was, and how he was able to quit smoking after beginning the practice. This was enough to convince me that I wanted to learn Falun Dafa, too.
I found the closest practice site, which was just on the other side of the road from my home. I saw many people practicing the exercises when I went there the next morning. There was a sign introducing Falun Dafa, so I read it through.
After practitioners finished the exercises, I chatted with them. They were friendly and helpful, telling me of their experiences. Many said that all of their illnesses had disappeared through the practice. I told them that I wanted to learn it. They taught me the five exercises immediately and gave me a copy of Zhuan Falun. I felt very fortunate that I could acquire the Fa.
On my way home, while climbing the stairs, I twisted my ankle. It swelled up. I thought it was odd that I hurt my ankle like that, since I had climbed those steps so many times before without hurting myself.
After I read Zhuan Falun , I understood that this was caused by my karma. I continued to practice the exercises.
One day, I held the bottle of sleeping pills in my hand before going to bed. I decided that I would no longer use them. Afterward, I was pleasantly surprised. Not only did I fall asleep quickly, but I slept through the night, too. I have been practicing Falun Dafa diligently ever since.
I read one lecture from Zhuan Falun and did the exercises every day. All of my illnesses disappeared in less than a month. My body is now relaxed, and I feel comfortable.
An old classmate I had not seen for years came to see me. We had a nice visit, and I told him about my recent hardships. He said: “I have some extra money. Please take it for your business. If it doesn't work out, it is on me.” He was very sincere, and I was moved.
Later I understood that this was Master's arrangement to help me. Now I am doing well with my business and am well known in the area.
Letting Go of Competitiveness, Learning Tolerance
Before I began practicing Falun Dafa, I was proud, arrogant and very competitive. Divorcing my husband and resigning from my workplace were all due to my competitive mentality. I pushed myself to a dead end, but still complained about my fate and the injustice. After studying the Fa, I began to realize all of this.
One day at work, I walked into a room where people were chatting with each other. I heard a man and a woman complaining about someone. Then I realized that they were complaining about me. I could feel my blood boiling; I was angry with them. I hid my anger outwardly, but inside I was thinking of a way to get back at them.
While practicing the meditation the next morning, I thought about firing those two employees. I asked Master in my mind whether this was right. After asking this question, I could not stop shaking my head left and right. I was surprised. I realized this was Master's way of telling me that I was wrong. I am a practitioner and should use the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance in all things.
I went to work with a calm mind. The two people who had criticized me the day before acted like nothing had happened. They chatted and laughed with me as usual.
One day, I got on a bus and sat in the last row. Two middle-aged women got on the bus and walked to the last row, too. There was one empty seat on the other side of the last row and one empty seat next to me. The empty seat next to me had a pile of dirt on the floor. The two women hinted to me to move to the seat where the dirt was. I told them about the dirt and would not move. They both started to scold me.
I scolded back briefly, but then remembered that I was a practitioner and this was a test. I slowly stood up and moved to the front. These two women continued to yell at me. Everyone on the bus could hear them. I held back my tears; it was difficult.
I often had similar encounters. Sometimes I could tolerate it, but sometimes I failed. With continuous Fa study, I understood that as a practitioner I should be strict with myself and follow the high standards of Dafa. Gradually, I was able to take those things lightly and finally was not bothered by them anymore. No matter how rude people were to me, I was able to smile and not be moved.
After borrowing money from my classmate for business, I struggled getting started. My mind was focused on business a lot, but I encountered a lot of obstacles.
During my second year in business, in order to get a project, I personally gave a 10,000 yuan to the director of the project. I also sent him gifts many times and invited him for dinner to strengthen our relationship. The director told me that this project would be ours; he wasn't considering anyone else. I waited for the result with high hopes. In the end, the project was given to another. When I heard this news, I felt like I had been stabbed in the heart.
While suffering this blow, I opened Zhuan Falun . I saw Master's photo and felt that Master smiled at me. My eyes teared up, and my mind became clear. I understood that this was a tribulation and a test for me to pass. My mind calmed down, and I started to study Zhuan Falun .
“So that’s why we just let things happen naturally. Sometimes you think that something is yours, and other people tell you it is, when in fact it’s not. So maybe you think it’s yours but it turns out it’s not. That will reveal whether you’re able to let it go. If you can’t let it go it’s an attachment. That method has to be used to get rid of your attachment to personal gain—that’s the idea.” (Zhuan Falun)
Master's words touched me. I no longer looked at this experience as something that was painful. Afterward, I was able to conduct business while remembering Master's words. I let go of pursuing personal interest.
My company was no longer a tool for making money; it was an environment for my cultivation. I learned to tolerate others and think of them first. The company walked a righteous path, and we gained awards. My employees told me that they liked working for me because the environment was good and everyone got along well. Even when other companies offered them more money, they didn't leave.
“Buddha’s light shines everywhere, propriety and righteousness harmonize everything.” (Zhuan Falun)
Getting Rid of Fear
After the persecution began, fear kept me from clarifying the truth to the public. I always practiced the exercises alone. I got information regarding Dafa from my brother, who works with me, and shared with him. I only felt comfortable clarifying the facts about Dafa in my company and to family and friends. My employees all knew that Falun Dafa is good. For the people who did business with us, I clarified the truth to them if I had the opportunity.
In 2006, I obtained a few brochures titled Memories of Master's Grace from my older sister (also a practitioner). They included articles from practitioners who recalled events that had happened while Master introduced the Fa around the world. In them, I saw the righteousness of Master, the magnificence of Dafa, and Master's great virtue of thinking of others first at all times.
After I finished reading each article, I felt my eyes fill with tears. I felt that I had let Master and Dafa down. I needed to catch up with the progress of Fa-rectification and clarify the truth to save sentient beings. I started to study Master's lectures and new articles seriously.
After I studied the Fa, I understood the responsibilities of Dafa practitioners during the Fa-rectification period. I realized that I must clarify the truth to save sentient beings. It is my responsibility. I purchased a computer and a printer, and learned how to download and print truth-clarifying materials. I established a family material production site.
After I finished producing truth-clarifying materials, I planned to distribute them. It was more difficult than I thought it would be. As I grabbed the bag full of materials and approached the door, I just couldn't leave. I paced the floor and asked myself what was wrong with me. I understood the Fa principles, but clearly I had fear. I was afraid of being illegally arrested and causing problems for my business.
I had an attachment to selfishness, and it was preventing me from clarifying the truth.
So I started to rectify my mind. I asked myself: Will I give up validating the Fa just because of the fear of being arrested? Will I stop cultivating in Falun Dafa if my business was destroyed?
In the end, I told myself that as long as I still had breath, I would cultivate in Dafa, even if I were to lose my life. I talked to myself until my righteous thoughts became stronger and my fear became weaker. I was then able to walk out of my home and distribute flyers. I passed out materials on the bus. I also mailed truth-clarifying letters, put materials in buildings, and clarified the facts about Dafa to people face to face.
I needed to fully understand the information in the materials I distributed, so I read each one. That way I felt that I was saving sentient beings and not just passing out flyers.
One day on the bus, I heard a lady arguing with her husband on the phone. I could see that she was physically and mentally exhausted. I felt bad for her; people are so painfully involved in emotion and their quest for fame and personal interests. With a smile on my face, I walked up to her and said: “Here is some information for you. I hope that you will understand the truth presented therein and be rewarded with goodness.” She appeared touched by this and accepted my materials. She smiled and said, “Thank you.”
I also gave materials to a gentleman who sat in the front row while talking to him. Another man nearby stretched over to listen, so I gave him a copy, too. He accepted with both hands, asking, “Is this for me?” I said, “Yes.” He was very pleased and thanked me.
I feel happy for the people I see on the bus who are reading the truth-clarifying materials. This is encouragement from Master. After accepting the materials, some people warn me to be careful about my safety. Others quickly read it and then store it in a pocket or bag.
There have also been those who just toss the materials aside, and some don't even accept them. I am not moved by them; I continue to do what I am supposed to do.
I started distributing Shen Yun Performing Arts DVDs after they were released. Shen Yun performances are magnificent both artistically and spiritually. I watched the 2009 DVD at least five times. I was deeply touched every time. I passed out over 1,000 Shen Yun DVDs from February to November that year.
I also started to mail truth-clarifying letters to clients. I gave part of the list to other practitioners and worked on part of it myself. For safety purposes, we could not send out too many letters from the same post office, so I went to many other post offices in the local area and sent out over 1,300 letters within four months.
At first, I was a little reluctant when writing truth-clarifying letters to my clients. It was all done in my handwriting, and I did not want to jeopardize my business if someone reported me to the authorities. Then I began using the printer. I sent some letters to friends and relatives as a test. When I found out that they did not receive the letters, I realized it was a problem with my xinxing.
My fear was preventing me from succeeding with this. I told myself: “Since they are my clients, they have a predestined relationship with me. They are the sentient beings whom I should put more effort into saving. I should not be afraid of my personal interests being affected.” I went back to handwriting my letters again. Then my relatives and friends reported that they received them.
In the second half of 2010, I let professional managers manage my business. I joined the group Fa study in our community. Fellow practitioners in the group were diligent, and we all participated in truth-clarifying projects. A fellow practitioner and I headed up a team to distribute materials. We targeted mailboxes.
We covered our own community and many nearby communities as well. Some areas we hit more than once. Then we went to the dorms in the universities. As I distributed the materials, I felt that I was eliminating my human notions, my attachment to fear and laziness. My xinxing improved.
During the process, Master continuously established greater mighty virtue for the disciples.
Clearly Understanding the Fa Principles
In January 2010, I went to another city to attend an annual industry conference. While in the hotel, I clarified the facts about Dafa to a female journalist from Shanghai City. She listened intently as I shared my personal experiences with her for nearly an hour.
She understood the truth. She told me:”I believe in Jesus. My sister believes in Buddha. We all believe that good will be rewarded with good and evil will receive retribution. This is the heavenly principle. I am a Chinese Communist Party (CCP) member. Could you please help me to withdraw from the CCP?” I was happy that she was saved.
The next morning, when I stood in front of a window and looked outside, I saw an eye on the mountain. I realized that it was my eye. I looked to the side and saw the other eye, as well as the nose and the outline of my head. The mountain was the entire upper half of my head. I was excited, yet calm. I knew it was Master encouraging me, letting me see myself in other dimensions.
Another time, I went with another practitioner to a large community to distribute materials in the rain. We split up to cover the area. When we met up again, the other practitioner informed me that I had missed some places. I went back and covered the missed areas. My legs began to cramp up on my way back, and I could not walk. I understood that this was an opportunity to establish greater mighty virtue.
One night, I did not want to get up and send forth righteous thoughts at midnight. I felt too sleepy, but I got up anyway. When I crossed my legs before sending forth righteous thoughts, a strong energy suddenly covered me, and I felt refreshed and energetic. I sent forth righteous thoughts for 30 minutes. When I went back to sleep, I felt like my body was floating above a large cloud.
A fellow practitioner and I went to a community to distribute truth-clarifying materials. There was a control room with three rows of screens, monitoring all of the entrances. Two security guards chatted inside. All of the mailboxes were under surveillance. I pulled the practitioner away, feeling fear. At the critical moment, my human notions and fears came out again. I felt sad that I was not more stable after cultivating for so many years.
The same practitioner and I went back to the same community a few days later. We distributed the materials at all of the gate towers and entrances, and nothing happened. The first thing I saw when I woke up the next morning were the words “Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.”
I've had many experiences similar to this. In my understanding, if we study the Fa well and are strict with ourselves using the Fa principles, we can cultivate ourselves well and fulfill our historic responsibilities. Master will then establish great mighty virtue for us and give us the best.
Above is just my personal understanding. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.