China Fahui | I Am So Grateful: How I Restarted My Cultivation
(Minghui.org) Greetings, Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
How I Became a Practitioner
In 1995, my husband was sent to jail because he accidentally killed someone during a fight. I had to take our 18-month-old daughter and live with my mother. In 1996, a coworker introduced me to Falun Gong. The next day, she brought me a copy of Zhuan Falun. When I opened the book and saw Master's picture, I wept.
One day as I sat down to read Zhuan Falun, the book became very bright, and the cover was golden and shiny. I saw this for about one minute and then the book turned blue again.
My grandma, aunts, and several neighbors all obtained the Fa after reading Zhuan Falun.
In 1997, my husband was sentenced to nine years in jail. At that time, all I thought about was how to make a living and support us, and I didn't start practicing.
Master did not give up on me. He always gave me hints in my dreams. One day I dreamed of a pond full of lotus flowers. A cultivated infant sat on each lotus flower. A voice told me one flower was mine. I picked that flower up, but it quickly melted away. I had many similar dreams, but I didn't understand what they meant. Sometimes, I dreamed of people fleeing from natural disasters.
In 1998, I dreamed I joined other practitioners who were walking forward, but a mountain blocked our path. Master appeared in front of us with a whip in his hand. He struck the mountain, and a wide road appeared in front of us. We followed Master. After a while, Master said, “It's now time, move faster.” Then a light pushed us forward. A heavenly door appeared in front of us and celestial maidens spread flowers.
After I woke up, I understood that Master was giving me a hint that I should begin practicing, so I decided to begin cultivating.
I stayed with my two aunts. I learned the exercises first. In the beginning my legs were very sore and painful after just half an hour. It was also a challenge for me to do the second exercise, but I endured until the end.
I Give Up the Practice, But Master Does Not Give Up on Me
In July 1999, the persecution started. I gave up practicing and got a job. In 2001, my father-in-law and two sisters-in-law sold our home and threw my daughter and me out. I divorced my husband.
I wanted to rent a house through a friend. The owner of the house was a fortuneteller. He told my friend, “She practiced Falun Gong and wouldn't ask me to tell her fortune for her.” I was very surprised and asked him how he knew I was a Falun Gong practitioner. He said, “There's a Falun on top of your head in another dimension. Last winter you had a car accident. The Falun took you away, otherwise you would have died at the scene.”
I was shocked, and I appreciated Master from the bottom of my heart. Master did not give up on me and saved my life. I sincerely regretted having given up cultivating.
In 2003 I remarried and then I truly started to practice Falun Dafa
Cultivating Myself in My New Family
My current husband is older than me. When we married, he had an 18-year-old son; my daughter was 11.
In 2004, my stepson beat the security guard in his factory. The guard was injured and hospitalized. My husband asked his son why he did what he did. He said, “I didn't want to visit my grandma but you forced me to go.” My husband slapped his face and angrily came home.
Soon after he returned home, my mother-in-law came over and immediately began cursing us. Master said, “...one should not fight back when being punched or insulted...” (Lecture Four in Zhuan Falun) I tearfully endured it.
However, whenever I remembered it, I got very angry at my mother-in-law.
I did not study the Fa very well at that time, so I fought with my husband sometimes. I always felt very sad. My ex-husband always beat me after he got drunk. My current husband didn't beat me, but he smashed everything in sight. It cost a lot of money to replace the things he destroyed.
In 2005, my husband was diagnosed with gout. He was hospitalized for 12 days and could not use the bathroom by himself. I had to carry him to the toilet. It got worse and worse. The doctor said it could not be cured and would only get worse.
I had to think of a way to make a living and also have flexible time so that I could study the Fa. I used to be a teacher, so I opened an after-school class. My students went from from just two to more than a dozen.
One day after the class ended, a few students had to wait for their parents to pick them up. At that time my husband was sick again, so I had to leave to get a doctor for him. When I returned home, I was shocked to see the house was flooded. The students had broken the water pipe while I was away. I had to arrange for the doctor to check my husband first, then sent the students away and cleaned up the house.
I felt so sad I cried. I recited a poem in Hong Yin:
“To consummate yourself, reaping Buddhahood,
Let joy be found in hardship.
Physical pains count little as suffering,
Indeed, cultivating mind is hardest.
Each and every barrier must be broken through,
And everywhere does evil lurk.
Abundant troubles rain down together,
All to see: Can you pull through?
The world’s miseries endured,
One departs the earth a Buddha.”
(“Tempering the Will”)
I was so tired but didn't fall asleep until after midnight. Suddenly, somebody woke me up and told me my husband's IV was empty. But nobody was there. The situation was very dangerous. Master saved my husband.
My husband changed a lot, and he became supportive of my practicing Falun Gong. Sometimes he helped me validate the Fa. He used to get sick every month. After a while, he only got sick once a year, and now he only gets sick every two years. Other people who have the same disease ask me how we cured my husband. I tell them the truth about the persecution and tell them to say, “Falun Dafa is good. Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good. ”
My relatives hadn't quit the CCP before, but now all of them have.
My husband had a conflict with his mother, and they did not talk to each other.
I told my husband before the Chinese New Year, “Stop fighting with your mother. It's New Year's--give her a present.” When he refused, I went to visit her. She cursed me terribly as soon as she opened the door. I had to leave.
I looked inward after I got home. Master said:
"I often say that if all a person wants is the well-being of others and if this is without the slightest personal motivation or personal understanding, what he says will move the listener to tears." ("Clearheadedness" in Essentials for Further Advancement)
I went to visit her the next day. I apologized to her and said, “Mom, don't be angry anymore. I wasn't respectful before, I will do better.” This time she did not curse me.
In September 2010, practitioners from other areas told us how they clarified the truth. They worked in pairs. Three or four pairs went out and talked to individual families, while other practitioners sent forth righteous thoughts until they came back.
We did the same. Practitioner A and three other practitioners went out to talk to people. They not very successful, but we continued. The results got better and better.
Once when I walked into a yard, a man in his 40s asked me what I was doing. I told him why many people were quitting the CCP now.
The man said loudly, “You are a Falun Gong practitioner. Do you know who I am? I'm the Party head of this village.” He reached for his cell phone.
I said, “What are you doing? You need to know the truth whoever you are. I came here for you. You will suffer if you persecute good people. All Falun Gong practitioners are good people.” His attitude changed.
I said, “Many people are quitting the CCP. I only want what's best for you.” He said he understood and let me go. Although he did not quit the CCP, I realized that people feel our compassion and our attitude can eliminate the evil.
Once we went on a motorcycle to distribute Shen Yun DVDs. We gave them to everyone we saw.
After we gave the DVDs to everyone we saw, we noticed a court vehicle parked nearby. Practitioner A asked me if we should give one to the man in the car. I hesitated.
Then I told A, “I will go. You two stay here to send forth righteous thoughts for me.” I went over to the man and said, “I have a Shen Yun DVD for you. It promotes Chinese traditional culture. It is pure, compassionate, and beautiful.” He asked me if I was a Falun Gong practitioner. I didn't answer. He asked me again. I looked into his eyes and asked, “Isn't Falun Gong good?” He accepted the DVD.
We explained the facts in all 13 villages nearby and had many experiences. Once a homeowner refused to quit the CCP and drove us away. We felt sad for her and cried. The woman then suddenly agreed to quit. I realized we should use our hearts to save people.
We didn't want to ask a man in his 80s to quit the CCP at first because of his age. But we still decided to tell him, “Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good.” It turned out he once had a high position in the Party. He was persecuted for 10 years during the Cultural Revolution, so naturally he quit.
During the process of clarifying the truth, I developed attachments to showing off, zealotry, jealousy, competition, and validating myself. I did not look inward. It resulted in some fellow practitioners being arrested later.
I looked inward after this incident. How could I go home with Master with so many attachments? I had to cultivate myself.
In 2012, I started to study the Fa a lot and to send forth righteous thoughts every hour. I listened to the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party and Dissolving the Culture of China's Communist Party while I did my housework.
In little over a month, I had studied all the lectures. Afterwards I could tell which thought was a notion and which words were not righteous. I understood that, if I was filled with notions and attachments, I would not be able to live according the Fa's principles.
Master said, “The next person's things are your things, and your things are his things.” (“Teaching the Fa at the Washington, D.C. Fa Conference”)
In my understanding, it does not mean we should just help other practitioners when they have difficulties. We should look inward first and then point out their attachments. It would be great if the other party could accept our suggestion. If the other party refuses, we should look inward to see why he/she did not listen to us and then look inward again. Maybe it was because our motive was not pure enough, or we were not compassionate enough. We should focus on cultivating ourselves instead of forcing others to accept our ideas.
Gradually, whenever I found I had the attachment of validating myself, I would send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate it.
Once during our group study, I apologized to Practitioner A. I said, “It's all my fault. I always showed myself off and thought I was right.” She changed her attitude right away. I further realized she had this attachment because I could not let go of self. There's nothing for us to brag about because everything was given to us by Master.
Master, I appreciate your saving us! I truly understand what it means to look inward. All the shortcomings demonstrated by other practitioners may actually be our own problems. We should cultivate ourselves.
Let's assimilate to Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance and reach the new universe's standard.
Appreciation from the Depths of My Heart
Master, I want to tell you that I am here today all because of your protection. When I was seven years old, my grandma told me a story. A Taoist cultivator had two disciples. One day, they ran out of water and food. The disciples were too tired to move. The Taoist spat and gave each disciple a portion of his spit. One disciple threw it away, but the other one swallowed it. In the end, the one who threw the spit away died of thirst and hunger, but the other one consummated. I thought, “If I had a master, I would swallow everything he gave me.”
Today I really have a Master to save me, but I have not cultivated diligently. I know Master has had to continually give me hints.
I will be more diligent to repay Master for saving me.
Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!