(Minghui.org) Before the Chinese communist regime officially started to persecute Falun Gong, I was assigned to act as a mole among practitioners. At that time, I only read Falun Gong books and did the exercises at a practice site so that I could watch them. Although I learned many principles from reading the books, I didn't cultivate myself and only followed the Chinese Communist Party's (CCP) orders.

After July 20, 1999, when the regime launched the comprehensive persecution of Falun Gong, I received orders to take the lead in becoming “transformed” and to slander and defame Falun Gong, so as to build up momentum in the local area to mislead practitioners into giving up the practice.

The practice site I went to had nine people. It was a rather influential site that could influence six or seven other sites in the nearby area, affecting more than 100 practitioners.

Here, I would like to expose what I did as a spy and the retribution I suffered as a result, as well as my reflection after each retribution.

Retribution after “transforming” practitioners at a brainwashing center

In August 1999, I was sent to help brainwash Falun Gong practitioners detained at a temporary center. I acted as the first “practitioner” to be “transformed” and then tried to lure others into renouncing the practice using twisted “Fa principles.” Under my enticement and the enormous pressure of the persecution at that time, some practitioners renounced their faith, one after another, and some even wrote slanderous statements against Falun Gong.

At the end of August, three “transformed” practitioners and I read aloud on stage slanderous articles against Falun Gong to an audience of 500-600 people.

Retribution I suffered as a result:

1. Colleagues started to look at me strangely, and even my family members spoke to me in a cynical way. From the way they looked at me, I could tell that they felt they could not trust me.

2. I developed shingles around my waist, which were unbearably itchy. It took a long time to heal.

3. My wife suffered sudden food poisoning 10 days before she were to give birth. At midnight, she began vomiting, had diarrhea and became really weak. I called the emergency hotline to get her to a hospital for emergency treatment. After a checkup, doctors said that they could not detect any fetal movement and put her on a drip. Later, there were signs of fetal movement. Doctors said that if there had been any delay, the baby would have died.

My reflection: Why did such strange things happen to me? Is it really true that one would meet with retribution for doing bad things? Was I wrong to help my superiors “transform” Falun Gong practitioners?

In fact, in my heart I didn't want to do this. I felt that people have a right to believe in whatever they want. It had nothing to do with me, and my superiors should've just minded their own business. My excuse for doing those things at the time was that I needed to make a living and provide for my family. I felt that I had no other choice.

Retribution from brainwashing practitioners at a detention center

Later I was sent to a detention center in a certain city. There were dozens of Falun Gong practitioners detained there. I was placed in Cell No. 7, which I shared with five Falun Gong practitioners. Once again, I acted as the first “practitioner” to renounce Falun Gong and write slanderous speeches.

Under my influence, five or six detained practitioners read their “transformation” speeches over the loud speaker.

I met two very firm practitioners in the cell. They kindly tried to persuade me not to “transform.” I lied and said that when I got out, I would start practicing again. They didn't know that I was a spy. I respected them and didn't want to try to “transform” them, because not only were they very kind, but their behavior also didn't have any negative influence on others. I said to them, “Take care!”

I noticed that those who had been “transformed” were looked down upon even by the criminal inmates, while steadfast practitioners were respected by both inmates and prison guards. This is what started me thinking about what I was doing.

Retribution I experienced:

1. My immune system became weaker. Two weeks later, I had a dream in which I was escorted to prison in handcuffs and shackles. It was so vivid! I was really scared and shaken when I woke up. Soon I developed terrible bad breath, started to lose hair and suffered insomnia.

2. My wife developed a strange disease, too, causing her extreme pain all over her body, especially at night. Her joints ached, and she could hardly turn over or sleep.

3. Our infant son also developed shingles and had cold sores all over his lips. He couldn't eat and cried every night. There was no peace in our family.

My reflection: This time, not only did I suffer retribution, but it affected my whole family. I'd gone against heavenly principles by following the orders to “transform Falun Gong practitioners.”

I started to think about it deeper. Since elementary school, I'd been indoctrinated with atheism. Was the notion that humans evolved from monkeys really correct? Why did the CCP launch the Cultural Revolution (1966-1976)? Why did they slaughter those students during the June 4, 1989, Tiananmen Square Massacre?

I thought, “Why are they persecuting Falun Gong?”

Retribution from “transforming” practitioners at a labor camp

After I came out of the detention center, I took a leave of absence. Afterward, my superiors told me that there might be some new arrangements for me. I immediately felt resentful. However, I couldn't go against the orders from superiors.

A few days later, I was sent to a forced labor camp, disguised as a Falun Gong practitioner. There, I was tasked with helping to “transform” practitioners again. Once again, I went through the same motions of “renouncing” Falun Gong and writing the “three statements.” This time, more than 100 people fell into the trap.

Retribution I experienced: I was sick for a month, coughing up blood and losing a lot of hair. I felt even weaker than before, both physically and mentally.

My reflection: I did a lot of thinking while I was sick. This job was really disgraceful and so dirty and underhanded. The persecution of Falun Gong was not launched to serve any state interests or economic development; instead, it was launched out of jealousy by the former leader of the CCP, Jiang Zemin, as a result of his narrow-mindedness. He must be very stupid and irrational. Kindhearted people were being persecuted. I didn't want to serve this kind of government. I didn't want to have this kind of job.

After that, I started to remind those who had been “transformed” that they must know their own mind and not just follow what others say. However, by then, many of them were no long able to understand my hints.

The forced labor camps in China are very dark dens, filled with all kinds of destructive, evil messages. It's very hard for Falun Gong practitioners to remain clearheaded.

I would like to tell all those practitioners who were “transformed” that they have been tricked and fallen into a trap.

Choice of conscience

I scraped together my little bit of remaining conscience and decided not to help the CCP persecute Falun Gong anymore. I adjusted my state of mind and tried to side with the righteous and stay away from the evil.

I realized that the CCP acted like a clown, a dirty evil clown. I didn't want to work hand in hand with it and do such a base job anymore. Soon I left the forced labor camp. Later, I transferred to work in a different department.

When I wasn't busy, I would recall the early days when I had studied the Fa and done exercises with practitioners as a spy. Those were actually very happy days for me. I felt very peaceful while I was with them, not thinking about vying for fame or self-interest in society.

I had all of the Falun Gong books. One day when I was on leave, I picked up a copy of Zhuan Falun and started to read it carefully. After reading the first section, I suddenly felt that I had also come from a high level. After I finished the first chapter, I had an intense desire to return to my true self.

I was deeply moved when I finished reading the whole book. I felt that my soul and body were bright, as if they had been cleansed by high energy matter.

Later, I read all of Master's Fa teachings and understood many principles. I realized that my profession had been arranged for me to get in touch with and practice Falun Gong, and absolutely not for me to cooperate with the evil CCP to persecute Falun Gong practitioners. I was determined to begin cultivation practice and knew that I would never again collude with the CCP to do evil.

I read the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party in 2005 and withdrew from the CCP on the Epoch Times website. Master said a number of times in Fa teachings that He will save practitioners even if they work as spies. I thus believe that I will be able to cultivate till I reach Consummation.

After the “Atlanta incident,” Master gave the ultimatum to those spies who kept doings evil things, warning them that if they didn't stop, they would eventually be cast to hell to pay for their sins. I recalled the stupid things that I had done and the retribution I had suffered.

I wrote all of this out as a sincere confession of my wrongdoings. My exposure of my crimes is not only to atone for my sins, but also, more importantly, to do things according to the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, as taught by Master.

I've spoken the truth and exposed the evil nature of the CCP. At the same time, I want to renounce evil, keep far away from the CCP, and turn to virtue. I want to stay true to my conscience and join the side of justice.

To tolerate the evil is the same as killing the good. I cannot keep silent anymore; otherwise, I would still be siding with the CCP. I would then completely lose the chance of being saved, and would be completely destroyed in the agonizing process of continuous retribution.

I know that a few years ago there were many spies who participated in the persecution of Falun Gong. Some have learned the truth, and some are still under the control of the CCP.

I hope that my sharing will awaken people's conscience.

In fact, many others have also suffered retribution, but they don't understand why. I sincerely hope that they will soon learn the truth - that the evil CCP is harming people, while Falun Gong is saving people. I hope that they will stop being hesitant and quickly grasp this passing opportunity to be saved. I hope that they will break their ties with the evil CCP and have a bright future.

I would like to tell Master that in the last few years, after I'd learned the truth, I started to study the Fa attentively. I also go out in my spare time to clarify the facts to people and encourage them to quit the CCP and its affiliated organizations.

From now on, I will cultivate myself well and help save more people. I feel that this is the only way I can repay the immense grace of Master and Falun Gong for my salvation. Once again, thank you, Master!