Clarifying the Facts and Breaking Through Family Tribulations Saved My Marriage
(Minghui.org) After I was illegally arrested and taken to a labor camp, my husband’s job was affected. My entire family was impacted, and because of this they developed a negative view of Dafa. After I was released, my family tried to stop me from joining the group Fa-study. I refused to listen to them since I earnestly desired to study the Fa with fellow practitioners.
There was tension between my family and me. In addition, the neighborhood association and the police station often came to harass me, thus worsening the relationship between me and my husband. I felt deeply trapped in the family tribulation and could not break free of it for a long time.
To make me stop cultivating in Dafa, my husband tried everything. I told him, “I’ll do whatever you ask, but I will not stop cultivating in Dafa.” Meanwhile, I also tried to clarify the facts to my family from different perspectives. I sent forth righteous thoughts, searched within myself, and found and eliminated many attachments.
My family environment alternated between good and bad, and eventually my husband decided he should divorce me since he knew that it was absolutely impossible to change me.
At first, I mainly lectured him and blamed him for all the problems that we had, but seldom searched within myself. Later, I began to genuinely search inward and send forth righteous thoughts to truly change myself. I tried my best to consider his situation from his perspective, and I did more chores. Things gradually became better, but the root of the problem was still there. Whenever I went to the group Fa-study, he was miserable. He believed that the changes in our family and his miseries were all caused by the fact that I cultivated in Dafa. Sometimes, he even said disrespectful things about Master.
Irritated by his words, I thought, “I’ve told you the facts of Dafa, and I’ve also been trying my best to search inside and change. I’ve done everything I can, but you constantly continue finding fault with me. You always talk about divorce whenever conflicts occur. All right, let’s get a divorce now to avoid more interference and trouble.”
When he talked about divorce again afterward, I agreed. But he did not want to divorce anymore. I believed that I had passed the test since I had let go of that attachment.
After a while, he brought it up again. I realized that, by agreeing to divorce, I had not yet met the standards of Dafa. Dafa disciples should not divorce. It's not what Master wants, but an old forces' arrangement. I knew that I was the source of the problem: I should not divorce, nor should I let my family endure more hardships. The turmoil was causing them to have negative thoughts about Dafa. It was necessary for me to cultivate myself to establish a solid foundation. We live in the era of Fa-rectification, so it was not right for me to just painfully endure. I should not cultivate inside the trap set up by the old forces and the tribulations arranged by the old forces. I must take the initiative to clarify the facts to people to completely deny the arrangements made by the old forces. Only Master can decide the fate of my family.
The people from the neighborhood association came to talk to me one day, and my husband’s face immediately paled. I told them, “The law protects freedom of belief. I practice Falun Gong and haven’t done anything wrong, and nobody has the right to interfere. Your coming here is causing family conflict. Do not come to my home anymore.” The next day, when I was about to go out, my husband asked for a divorce again, and his tone was stern this time.
I was not moved, but told him firmly, “I don’t want a divorce because there's no reason for us to divorce. Let me ask you a few questions and please listen carefully and answer honestly. First, I haven’t taken any medicine since I began practicing Falun Gong, and all the diseases I had before vanished. Isn’t it true?” He said, “Yes.”
“Second, I support and take care of both sets of parents, and have not done anything disrespectful to them, right?” He agreed.
I continued, “Third, in our 30 years of marriage, we’ve had problems, conflicts, and even fights, but we’ve never had problems that are serious enough for us to be separated, right?” He said, “Right.”
"Fourth, when we had problems and conflicts, you sometimes lost your temper and hit me before. But think about it, why were you so upset? Before I became a practitioner, we often fought. After I was illegally sentenced to forced labor, and your job was affected, your temper was horrible. You often yelled at me and even hit me. It usually happened after the police or the neighborhood association people came to harass us, right?” He admitted that I was right.
“Fifth, after I began to follow Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance to be a good person, I have changed: not only has my health improved, but my temper also became mild. Because of that, our family lived in harmony and happiness. This is the good fortune that Falun Dafa has brought to our family. If our family had not been persecuted, and your job had not been affected, and the thugs had not been coming to our home to harass us, would you have been as scared as you are now? Would you have asked for a divorce? If the persecution ended right now, would you have behaved like this now? Who had caused all this? What is the source of all the problems? Who on earth is harming our family?
"You need to think about my questions before answering them. After you think about my questions, if you still want to divorce, take me to court. I can use the opportunity to talk to the judge who knows the law better and tell him about our family ordeal, and ask him to make a judgment for us: Should a family like ours divorce? Such a good family is forced to be broken up: who’s responsible for that? If you take me to court, I’ll sue those who are responsible for our family situation. Although you’ve said some disrespectful things about Dafa before, I know you didn’t really mean what you said. Please remember to hold onto your compassionate self. The vicious forces won’t last long.”
After that, I went to talk to the head of the neighborhood association and clarified the facts to him. Calmly, I told him what was happening between us. I pointed out to him, “Regardless of why you came to our home, the fact is, your presence intensifies the conflicts between my husband and me.” He repeatedly apologized to me.
I also told him the facts of Falun Gong, the various kinds of government propaganda tools, as well as the truth of the Tiananmen self-immolation. I told him, “Now, many people, after learning the facts about the persecution, secretly protect Dafa disciples whenever they can. It is heaven’s law that good be rewarded, and bad will incur retribution. Treating others nicely is actually treating yourself nicely, because good people will eventually be rewarded. You have to choose between good and evil yourself.”
We talked for over an hour, and had a very sincere talk. These people are truly deeply poisoned.
From then on, nobody came to my residence to harass us anymore, and our family environment also improved. From this experience I understood that the long-term family tribulation was caused by my poor cultivation status.
First, although I studied the Fa, I failed to assimilate to the Fa, and my faith in Master and Dafa was not up to par. Also, due to my insufficient righteous thoughts, I had fear and a desire to protect myself, and thus was unable to walk out of the trap made by the old forces. Instead I helplessly endured. I was unable to deny the old forces’ arrangement with righteous thoughts, and had given the old forces loopholes to exploit.
Second, I mistook the wrong thoughts as righteous thoughts. When the persecution first began, I had talked about how I would divorce to devote my entire time and efforts on Dafa tasks so as not to affect my family. I believed that I was being very steadfast that way, and many fellow practitioners agreed with me back then. However, that impure thought gave the old forces excuses to persecute me. That was why whenever I worked on Dafa tasks, he wanted to divorce me. I believed that by agreeing to divorce, I had let go of my attachments. But now I know that I should deny the old forces’ arrangements completely.
Third, I have not cultivated solidly, and have not balanced cultivation and family well. I always measure sentient beings with cultivators’ standards and accused my family of pursuing fame and personal gain. Such attitudes towards ordinary people can turn them against Dafa. It could even destroy my family and the many lives connected to them. I should lay down my human attachments and save them with a pure heart.
Fa-rectification has not ended. I must make the best use of my time to do the three things well to save more sentient beings. Thank you, Master, Thank you, fellow practitioners. Heshi