(Minghui.org) This year marks the ninth cultivation sharing conference of Dafa disciples in China. I didn't plan to submit an article because I didn't think I had cultivated well. Even though I have been making progress, I felt that I was fundamentally lacking something. I recently found my fundamental issue, so I decided to write about it.
I started Falun Dafa cultivation practice in 1999. My initial motive was healing and fitness. I had many atheist notions and old scientific notions, and didn't know much about gods, buddhas, or cultivation. I simply thought highly of Master's lectures. Subconsciously, I knew that Dafa was something I had been looking for all my life, but I didn't reach a rational understanding of Dafa. Our compassionate Master still gave me the precious Falun. I could feel the Falun's rapid rotation in my body in other dimensions. I sometimes counted how many times it rotated. While in bed I could count nine clockwise rotations and then nine counterclockwise rotations. I can still recall the strong feeling and nice memory when Master opened my third eye.
After the persecution started in 1999, I did a lot of truth clarification based on the basic conscience of human beings, but I wasn't cultivating solidly in the Fa on a rational level. I was later reported to police by a fellow practitioner who couldn't withstand the persecution. I had to give up my good job and become homeless for some time. During that period of time, I felt that the sky had fallen. My days were very difficult. Even though I knew that what I was doing was right, I didn't solidly cultivate according to the Fa.
Due to interference from various types of human desires, I felt that my life was too harsh, and I lost my righteous thoughts. I was convinced by a relative to “turn myself in,” and I wrote the so-called repentance statement. I then fell into a long-term state of deep self-reprimand and regret. I completely gave up Dafa cultivation and felt that it was too hard to continue cultivating in such a terror-filled environment. However, a “sickness” prompted me to again pick up Dafa books. Through Fa study and solid cultivation, I gradually removed my atheist notions and other distorted mentalities of modern science. I came to realize the sacredness and seriousness of cultivation.
As my Fa study improved, I became active in truth-clarification and other projects, which has continued to this day. I have deeply sensed Master's meticulous and compassionate care and protection, and I often shed tears when I think of this.
However, I have always felt that I lacked something fundamentally. I felt that there was a barrier that was preventing me from truly obtaining the Fa. This barrier was preventing me from solidly cultivating for a long time. This troubled me, as I couldn't determine what this thing was.
During the past several days, I asked myself continuously, "Do you believe in Master and Dafa from the bottom of your heart? Why do you study Dafa. Is it for a good life in the human world?" Suddenly, I realized that the invisible wall which the old forces had placed between me and Dafa had collapsed. The fake “self” who doesn't believe in Master and Dafa, and who was attached to reputation, personal gain, and sentimentality, had collapsed.
As Master said in Chapter Six of Zhuan Falun,
“Since one’s real life is one’s Primordial Spirit, the one who gives birth to your Primordial Spirit is your real mother.”
Returning to self and assimilating to Dafa is the true purpose of my studying the Fa, and saving sentient beings is my historical mission. I must cultivate myself well for this mission, relinquishing all attachments to truly save sentient beings. Thank you, Master. I have finally found my fundamental problem.
Thank you again, Master. I will change fundamentally and seize the day for cultivation. I will be more and more diligent and fulfill my wish of assisting Master to rectify the Fa and save sentient beings.
