(Minghui.org) I'd like to share my cultivation experience as a coordinator, especially regarding how to regard myself as a practitioner and truly follow Master's words to look inside during intense conflicts, and improve based on the Fa.
I. Learning To be Truly Tolerant
I was recommended to substitute for coordinator B as she was going out of town for a while. I took it as a good opportunity to cultivate myself.
When practitioner B returned, I continued doing the coordination work for her, so she could coordinate other projects. But I noticed that she seemed uneasy every time she came to group Fa study, and always left as soon as we finished studying the Fa. I thought about the matter with a human mindset and didn't pay attention to cultivating myself. Instead I was quite guarded while communicating with her. The old forces took advantage of this loophole and created conflicts between us.
In early October last year, practitioner B criticized me about something related to my coordination efforts as soon as the group study ended. I was quite surprised because I had explained the matter to her in private. Now, when she criticized me in front of everybody, I couldn't take it. Master said, “But normally when a problem arises, if it does not irritate a person psychologically, it does not count or is useless and cannot make him or her improve.” (Zhuan Falun, Lecture Four) I failed to control my temper and demon nature, and got up and walked out.
Practitioner B called me at 7 a.m. the next morning asking me out to discuss something. It was about rescuing a fellow practitioner, but she couldn't tell me on the phone. I mistook this as a continuation of what happened the previous night, so I said I was busy and hung up. She called me again, trying to tell me to inform others to send forth righteous thoughts in close proximity to the brainwashing center where the practitioner was being held. But I still failed to understand her. Later, I heard about it from someone else and I apologized to her repeatedly. Nevertheless, she criticized me in front of everybody, and also listed many of my shortcomings behind my back, so everyone thought I was not suitable to be a coordinator.
During the following group study, another practitioner coordinator, C, tactfully said to us, “Please find another coordinator for the group study,” implying that I should quit the coordination team. I said immediately, “There's no need to find another coordinator. B has more experience in coordination and is a better choice. I quit.” Then C criticized me quite harshly and emotionally in front of everybody. I felt very wronged. Moreover, another practitioner made me give back the key to the group study site on the spot, as though they wished to drive me out as soon as possible. I was very embarrassed, but held back my tears and left quietly.
My heart was extremely pained. In my entire life I had never been humiliated like this. I was badly hurt and couldn't stop my tears. I bitterly complained that others only wanted to listen to one side of the story. It was a very difficult time for me.
When I calmed down, I thought, “I am a practitioner. I should be tolerant and compassionate to fellow practitioners, and look inward for my shortcomings.” When I studied the Fa, I found a piece of paper on which I had hand-copied the Fa in the past. Master said,
“If you, as a cultivator, only part with things superficially while deep down inside you still stick to something or cling to your own vital interests that you don’t allow to be undermined, I’d say to you that your cultivation is fake! If your own thinking doesn’t change, you cannot advance even one step and are deceiving yourself. Only when you truly improve from within can you make real progress.” (“Lecture at the First Conference in North America”)
I had one thought: I want to genuinely be Master's disciple. I read this paragraph three times, and I could feel my xinxing rising with each reading. I didn't feel wronged anymore, and stopped complaining. The capacity of my heart was expanding. As soon as the guarded mentality was eliminated, Master's Fa would immediately come to my mind, so I could quickly remove my human notions. From then on, I became peaceful.
Before long, in an effort to rescue another practitioner in detention, I had planned to inform practitioner B through another fellow practitioner, in order to avoid conflict. But my phone call was never answered. I realized this might be Master's arrangement to see if I was able to act like a genuine practitioner and be generous and forgiving. So I called practitioner B directly to invite her out to discuss the rescue matter.
She also apologized to me. I cooperated with her during the rescue effort and we formed an indestructible one body. Under the collective effort of many practitioners, the practitioner who had been sent to a forced labor camp for several days was successfully rescued.
I often thought afterward, if I hadn't looked at things based on the Fa and rectified myself in time using the Fa, I would have very likely failed the test and fallen, and lost this precious cultivation opportunity that doesn't come by for thousands of years.
II. Removing Jealousy
In January this year a separation between practitioner B and I developed again. I had begun to feel that she was not as good as I in every aspect. I remembered Master's Fa,
“To tell you the truth, the entire cultivation process for a practitioner is one of constantly giving up human attachments. In ordinary human society, people compete with, deceive, and harm each other for a little personal gain. All of these mentalities must be given up. Especially for people who are studying the practice today, these mentalities should be given up even further. ” (Zhuan Falun, Lecture One)
I knew that Master was giving me a hint to continue looking inside, dig out the roots of the attachment that separated us and remove it.
I looked inward and thought about what had caused this separation. Master's Fa came to my mind:
“For if someone is doing well, instead of feeling happy for him or her, people’s minds will feel uneasy.” (Zhuan Falun, Lecture Seven)
I suddenly understood it was the jealousy that was hiding inside of me making me uneasy. I realized that no matter how I was treated by this fellow practitioner, I should not undermine our coordination, and I should manage to quietly see to it that things go well. I shared my experience of digging out one's roots during group study, and the misunderstandings were consequently removed. Our group is getting better and better in working together in doing the three things.
As Master taught in “What is a Dafa Disciple”,
“When you are working together and experience friction, it is because of human attachments. That is part of one’s cultivation state and process, and absolutely not because someone is truly no good. A person’s good side can’t be seen anymore, as it has been separated. What you see will always be the side that has not been cultivated yet. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a compassionate heart, or should look at people in rigid ways. I’ve said again and again that you cannot see a cultivator’s good side. That side is simply terrific, and has met the standard. And what does it mean to “meet the standard”? It is the standard of a god. Whereas the part of him that hasn’t been successfully cultivated yet, that part is going to seem worse as it works its way up and gets closer to the surface. But, maybe that person has cultivated very well. I hope that you all cherish yourselves, cherish others, and cherish this environment that you have. Cherishing the path that you travel is cherishing yourselves.”
I feel that I am most fortunate to be Master's disciple, and I am extremely grateful for Master's blessings. I will remain diligent during this last stage of cultivation practice, cherish this cultivation practice environment that Master has left us, and fulfill my historical vows in assisting Master to do Fa-rectification.
Category: Improving Oneself
