(Clearwisdom.net) In recent years, have been deligently doing the three things as required by Teacher. Nevertheless, I felt that I had been stuck at the same level and had not improved significantly. Sometimes Teacher would give hints to enlighten me, and, although I looked inward, I still could not find the reason why. I felt anxious and helpless. I encountered a tribulation earlier this year. I came down with fever, was coughing non-stop, and felt weak. I finally realized the seriousness of the problem, which made me solemnly examine my cultivation.
Over the years, although I studied the Fa a lot, I did not truly cultivate my heart. I did not take the initiative to cultivate and eliminate my attachments. Although Teacher bore part of it for me, I still held onto human things and did not want others to take avantage of me. Thus, I could not elevate my xinxing and gong. I constantly had physical ailments, and continued to make mistakes in regards to cultivation of speech. They were harsh lessons. I would like to share these experiences with fellow practitioners. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.
Ever since I began to cultivate, I tried to control my speech and not talk frivolously. But, in reality, the attachment was not eliminated. One time after group Fa study, my sister said to me, “You are so thin now and are constantly drinking water. Looks like you have some sort of illness. It must be because you did not do well in certain regards.” She had mentioned this many times. I thought that I had changed a lot, and that she should not have critized me so harshly in front of other practitioners. I did not think that her words were based on the Fa. Although I did not talk back, I was not happy about it. I did not refute her since I wanted to cultivate my speech. I thought that it was Teacher's arragement to help me improve my xinxing.
The following day, there were tremendous physical changes – my body was back to its normal weight and I no longer felt very thirsty. I was amazed! Teacher could do anything! I only cultivated my speech and my heart slightly. I elevated my mind just a little bit, and Teacher gave me so much. Dafa is truly miraculous and Teacher is really great! I finally understood that to cultivate one's speech is actually cultivating one's mind.
Teacher said, “So, when you get into a conflict, I’d say it’s meant to transform the black matter in your body into white matter, into virtue.” (Zhuan Falun) Why did I encounter such a tribulation? It was because I did not cultivate well previously. I constantly looked for others' shortcomings and did not point them out with compassion. I treated my sister this way and caused her great pain. No wonder in recent years I kept running into ordinary people's troubles and conflicts. I did not cultivate myself, but helped others cultivate instead. This time I came around.
The next time after the group Fa study, my sister said to me, “What do you think of my suggestion last time? The reason why you could not eat was because you did not cultivate your speech.” She also dug out a series of old issues. My face turned red and I felt a lot of pain in my heart. I forced myself to hold back, to forbear, and not say anything. This was how I treated her, and now I'm paying for my karma. After so many years of Fa study, I had not truly absorbed and understood the Fa principles. It was not because I was not educated. It was because I was not genuinely cultivating and did not know how to cultivate. But Teacher has been taking care of me. In the recent month, the same situation kept happening and has allowed me to understand some Fa principles. This was to help me cultivate and elevate my mind. I truly want to thank Teacher.
I also realized that when I clarified the truth in recent years, my state of mind would fluctuate between good and bad. What was the reason? It was because I did not place importance in cultivating myself and measure my speech and actions with the Fa. Thus, the results varied. For example, when I had conflicts with my husband or someone else and did not cultivate my speech, my heart would feel bitter, and I could not persuade as many people to quit the Chinese Communist Party. When I lacked compassion, the field around me was not pure, and the effects were not good. Consequently, I would slack off. This was definitely not the state of a diligent Dafa practitioner. It was the result of not cultivating my heart and my speech. Once I recognized this, I wanted to eliminate and disintegrate it. And when I felt helpless, lonely, or bitter, it was because the attachement was going to be eliminated. Since then, I have restored my confidence as a Dafa disciple and feel fullfilled.
I hope that we can all follow Teacher's guidance, cultivate ourselves well, and fullfill our prehistoric vows.
Category: Improving Oneself
