(Minghui.org) One day, a fellow practitioner told me he would take over as general coordinator. When we had a meeting to talk about coordination, he hosted the meeting and would not allow me to say anything. I was silent and did not say a word. My heart was under attack and I was very upset. After returning home, I wondered why I felt so miserable. The answer was because I felt I had lost face in front of other fellow practitioners. Wasn't that the attachment of pursuing fame and benefit? Once a person practices cultivation, he/she should try to get rid of all attachments. Everyone should put the Fa as the first priority and be responsible for the Fa. Although I still felt a little uncomfortable, my righteous thoughts began to dominate. I should try my best to work with the new general coordinator...
-- By the author
Before obtaining the Fa, I was a fan of Qigong and sports. I also had strong interests in the mysteries of the world, space exploration, special capabilities, etc. During the peak of interest in Qigong, I practiced several types of Qigong. But I felt they were not what I was looking for. I also, oddly enough, thought about going to Changchun to look for a master.
In 1996, I had a strong feeling I should go to a local bookstore, where I bought a copy of Zhuan Falun. The wisdom of this book opened my eyes. It resolved my curiosity about the universe, nature, the human body, and the essence of life. Later I bought several other Dafa books. Since then, I have had a goal and motivation for my life. I felt that I now thoroughly understood the mysteries of nature. I no longer had an interest in researching them and exploring the universe. I stopped visiting bookstores and libraries, because Dafa unlocked everything for me. I spent the majority of my spare time in Fa study and doing the exercises. The rest of the time, I strictly followed the principles of Dafa. Without being aware of it, my xinxing improved. My health became better and better. I felt I was floating as I walked. I want to report to our Master on my over a dozen years of practice and share my cultivation experiences with fellow practitioners.
I. Cultivating my heart, being kind, and rejecting corruption
Before the persecution began on July 20, 1999, I was the head of the armed security department of a work unit. Whenever there was a recruitment period, young people who wanted a job to survive as well as their parents tried all kinds of ways to bribe me by giving me gifts or inviting me to have dinner with them. I thought to myself, “I am a Dafa practitioner who cultivates his xinxing and wants to be kind. I want to consider others in any situation. I want to cultivate myself to be a person of selflessness. I have get rid of the attachment to personal interest. In the meantime I should always remember the universal principle of 'no loss and no gain'. I should maintain a good mind nature.” If they gave me some cash as a gift, I would refuse to accept it. Sometimes if I could not return the gifts, I would convert them into cash and return the money to the owner after walking miles. During the hiring period, each day people would line up to invite me and other staff members to have a meal with them. I politely declined their invitations.
Doing this was not to gain praise from my superiors nor to show off in front of others. It was because the honorable thing to do naturally revealed itself after I practiced Falun Dafa. Of course, in the materialistic and corrupt society of the CCP, it was not easy to be a good person. Our superiors would pressure you if you did not send them some gifts. Colleagues and subordinates would feel dissatisfied about not getting a share if you were too honest and did not accept any bribes. The relatives would be unhappy if you could not help them out. Sometimes I would hear people talking behind my back, saying there was no meaning in life if I did not drink, smoke, or accept bribes. It was a waste for someone like me to be in a leadership position. When I encountered such things, I felt uneasy at first. Gradually I felt mentally at peace.
II. Firmly safeguarding Dafa during five years in a forced labor camp
On July 20, 1999, Jiang's criminal regime started the persecution of Falun Gong. I then embarked on the difficult road of safeguarding the Fa and protesting the persecution.
A. Firmly safeguarding the Fa and letting go of the attachments to fame, sentimentality, and material interests.
Because I was a well-known leader of a security department in our local area, I became a coordinator of our local Falun Gong practice site. In September 1999, the local Party committee set up a special class focused on “transforming” me. Each day they arranged for two people to “talk” to me. They pressured me to break away from Falun Gong, to criticize Falun Gong and our Master, and to be consistent with the evil CCP. I reasoned with them and told them Falun Gong requires a person to cultivate his heart and to be a good person. I also told them of miracles resulting from its heath benefits. They did not want to listen to me, but they were at a loss for words after my good reasoning based on facts. They kept reading newspaper articles slandering Falun Gong. Seeing that I firmly insisted on practicing Falun Gong and would not “transform,” they told me that the authorities had rules and that Party members were not allowed to practice Falun Gong. I told them that practicing Falun Gong made me become a good person and made me more qualified to do my job. They said I had to choose between them. I said if I had to choose one, then I would have to withdraw from the CCP and resign from my position as the head of the security department. I wanted to continue in my practice of Falun Gong. The next day, after serious consideration and pain over my choice, I wrote a letter to quit the CCP and a resignation letter (I did not deny the persecution).
My decision shocked local government organizations and caused quite a stir and it became a topic of discussion. A few days later, they held a plenary meeting. They even invited all retired veteran Party members to attend. In fact, they were people I had had pretty good personal relationships with for many years. They sincerely encouraged me not to resign in favor of Falun Gong and that I would ruin my future. They expressed their regret and anger. Some shared their tears and tried to persuade me and even choked from crying. Some people became so enraged that they banged on the table and criticized me. But I had made up my mind and I would practice Dafa until the end.
B. Firmly safeguarding the Fa and letting go of the attachment of life and death
On January 27, 2000, the Party secretary in charge of persecuting Falun Gong gave the order to send me to a detention center. In the meantime, my wife (a fellow practitioner) was also detained at the detention center. A few days later, a large group of practitioners who went to Beijing to safeguard Dafa were sent to the detention center. We encouraged each other.
One night, officers from the local police station handcuffed me and two other practitioners, put black hoods over our heads, tied them at the neck, and secretly rushed us away in a car. At that moment we thought we were going to die. I repeatedly recited “Nothing Kept” from Hong Yin:
In life, nothing sought,
In death, regretting naught;
Washing away all wrong thought,
Buddhahood, with less
adversity, is wrought.
and other articles written by our Master. We were held in an unknown place. They did not give us anything to eat for the first two days. After that, each day they only gave us one bun with no vegetables, which was meant to keep us barely alive.
After being detained there for seven months, I was sentenced to one year of forced labor. In the forced labor camp, each day I had to go through brainwashing sessions, endlessly listening to and watching videos and reading books slandering Falun Gong. The cursing from the guards and insults from the riffraff inmates made it extremely difficult to get through each day. We kept our practitioners' attitude and did everything we could to resist their forced brainwashing and clarify the truth to them. When our terms expired, they would not release us and said that if we did not “transform,” they would not let us go home. They threatened us by saying that if we refused to be “transformed,” they would sentence us again. They told us that a huge prison to detain Falun Gong practitioners had been set up in the desert in Xinjiang. Those who refused to be “transformed” would be held there until they died. Many practitioners were “transformed.” Sometimes I was the only one left in one team, but I still firmly believed that Falun Dafa was the righteous Fa, the Buddha Fa. Nobody could prevent me from practicing it. It would eventually be redressed.
At the beginning of July 2001, when my term in the camp had been over for nearly half a year, two police guards from the camp took me to my hometown. Halfway there, while still on the road, they threatened me, “Believe it or not, nobody will know if we bury you somewhere.” I had no fear or rage at their inhuman behavior. They became speechless. The 610 Office of the Political and Legal Affairs Committee saw I was still insisting on practicing Falun Gong. They were afraid that I would influence a larger circle, so they detained me in a hotel, a remote village, or a detention center. I was not released until December 25, 2001.
In the beginning of January 2002, I went to a practitioner's home to meet two other practitioners who had also just been released from the forced labor camp. We did not know that the first practitioner's home phone was monitored. Ten minutes after we entered the house, more than a dozen police officers broke in and arrested us. They said we were having an unlawful assembly and sentenced us to three years of forced labor. Three of us were taken to the same labor camp where I was held before.
That year things in the camp became even more evil. In order to “transform” us, guards used several electric batons to shock us till they ran out of power. Or several guards would beat us until we lost consciousness. Some practitioners became unconscious several times. They used wooden sticks to beat us, cigarettes to burn us, poured cold water on us, detained us in isolated cells, forced us to sit on a small tiger bench, and deprived us of sleep for long periods. Some practitioners became handicapped or mentally disordered. Some were persecuted to death.
I don't remember which year it was that the forced labor camp started a “tough battle” to “transform” Falun Gong practitioners. Each officer would deal with two dedicated practitioners. They could not go home if they did not finish their task. Suddenly we could feel the forced labor camp was filled with terror. Practitioners were tortured until they cried out with piercing screams. The sound of the officers beating practitioners was really horrifying. One fierce officer, who was very cruel, was arranged to “transform” me and another practitioner. One night, the other practitioner was taken out and by midnight, he was said to have been “transformed.” It was my turn. The bursts of terror hit me over and over. The invisible pressure made it hard for me to fall asleep. I felt extremely unwell. But I thought to myself that I would never betray my Master and Dafa, even though I was going to die. As for how my parents and children might think about me, I did not want to think too much. Thinking of that, I could not help myself from feeling sorrow and grief.
In 2004, the squadron commander of the 2nd Battalion that was specifically focusing on the persecution of Falun Gong and a police officer ordered me to their office and tried to force me to “transform.” I insisted on my own belief. He then began to lash out, kicked me in the stomach, and knocked me down. I stood up. He kicked me down again. When I stood up the third time, he grabbed my collar and slapped my face. Then he grabbed my collar again and my hair and smacked my head against the wall. I do not know how many times he hit my head onto the wall. Then he asked me whether I still wanted to practice Falun Gong. I replied, “Yes.” He said how bad Falun Gong was. Then I asked him, “Can you tell me whether it is you who beat me or I beat you? Isn't it obvious who is good and kind and who is bad and evil?” Surprisingly, he said to himself, “I am not a good person after all.” I was taken aback for a moment. He was taken aback, too. Then, he drew back his arm, punched me in the head, then rushed away. After that, he never talked to me. When he hit me, he hit very hard, but I did not feel much pain. I knew that our Master bore the pain for me again.
III. While suffering persecution, I clarified the truth to people with compassion.
During my five years of detention, including two terms in a labor camp, from January 2000 to March 2005, I clarified the truth to police officers, criminal offenders, and people in society as long as I could get in touch with them.
A. Clarifying the truth to people in the detention center.
People detained in the detention center were depressed and lonely. Most of them liked to hear me clarify the truth, and some of them were predestined. One such person said he had a dream that he and I were flying in the dark. We flew to a bright space and saw a misty pond. Three words above the pond said, The Purification Pond. He asked people near the pond to give him some soap. A person told him there was no need to use soap. So he jumped in and felt bad things on his body float away, and he felt very good. After taking the bath, a person near the pond told him that there was a repentance hall on the other side. He wanted to fly even higher. At that moment he woke up. I told him that our Master was trying to give him some encouragement. He felt very special.
B. Clarifying the truth to the director of the propaganda department of the bureau of the provincial forced labor camp
By the end of 2000, the director of the propaganda department of the bureau of Heilongjiang Province Forced Labor Camp brought some practitioners who had been “transformed” to the forced labor camp to start the persecution by forced “transformation.” In the daytime, they organized big meetings and told those collaborators to make evil speeches. At night, they ordered them to talk to practitioners, to have “heart-to-heart talks” with us. The director of the propaganda department came and had a talk with me alone. I tried my best to suppress nervous feelings and impulsive emotions. I talked with her using a peaceful mindset, and we talked about different things such as history, science, philosophy, and cultivation. I used all aspects to validate that Falun Gong is the righteous Fa. I also told her about the xinxing improvement I had after I practiced Falun Dafa and that my physical health improved. I also told her about some miracles I had in my cultivation. The two-hour talk with her went well. At the next day's meeting, she did not feel unhappy for not being able to “transform” me. Instead, she said the talk went very well and she said we talked about almost everything.
C. Clarifying the truth to the head of a city's propaganda team
In 2002, in order to “transform” Falun Gong practitioners, the forced labor camp invited a city propaganda director to come to give us lessons. Before the “class,” he wanted to learn more about Falun Gong's situation. They arranged for him to talk to me. I told him about the beauty of Falun Dafa. I refuted the Jiang regime's slanders about Falun Gong with evidence and told him the serious consequences of persecuting Falun Gong. I let him see that we were not like what the CCP had preached, that Falun Gong practitioners have kind hearts and are rational. Our over one hour talk ended in a peaceful and friendly atmosphere. The next day, in the big meeting of over several hundred forced labor camp people, he did not say anything slanderous about Falun Gong.
D. Clarifying the truth to provincial psychologists
In the early winter of 2003, police in the forced labor camp told me to go to the office and said two provincial psychologists wanted to talk to me. I thought to myself that these experts in psychology might want to understand the psychological state of Falun Gong practitioners. I had to let them understand that Dafa disciples are good, rational, sober, and intelligent. I had to remain calm and speak with a kind and peaceful tone. I entered the office and saw the room was filled with officers who persecuted us. The psychologists, one male and one female, were sitting next to the table, where they had me sit. They asked me questions and I answered them. I told them why I practiced Falun Gong and what benefits Falun Gong brought me. I answered all their questions. Our talk was very peaceful and quiet. Uncharacteristically, the officers did not interrupt, and all of them listened quietly. Half an hour later, I left the office. Two squadron leaders from the meeting followed me. They looked at me and said, “You have changed. You have changed.” I guess my peaceful mindset restrained the evil side of those officers.
In fact, I usually did not have such a good state of mind. I had resentment, grievances, and a strong attachment to being afraid. I could not articulate very well. Sometimes I even stuttered. I was vulnerable when talking with them. However, as soon as anyone mentioned safeguarding Dafa, my righteous thoughts became stronger. I knew that Master was strengthening and protecting me.
E. Talking to the police officers and completely refuting evil fallacies
A political instructor, who was hypocritical, cunning, insidious, and good at lying, was very skilled in deceiving Falun Gong practitioners and then disturbing their balance and peace of mind. With that instructor's false ideas combined with brutal tortures, they “transformed” many practitioners. He was then given the “Heilongjiang Province Model Police Official” award. He attended national meetings on persecuting Falun Gong. He often claimed that he could “transform” whoever he wanted to. Many practitioners feared him. One day, he brought a squadron leader who was tall, strong, and very fierce in hitting people, to the solitary confinement room where I was detained. After a short hypocritical greeting, he began to try to “transform” me. I tried my best to suppress my attachments of fighting, resentment, and fear. I strengthened my righteous mind and kept a peaceful mindset. With Dafa's righteous Fa principles, I refuted his heresies and exposed his lies. I pointed out that the persecution was a crime and that those who carried out the persecution should bear their guilt. After two hours, he became incoherent. He was unwilling to fail and began to play the rascal. I blurted out, “You are a rogue.” After saying that, I was a little worried. I saw him pause for several seconds. The fierce squadron leader suddenly stood up, pointed his finger at the instructor, and said laughing, “You are a rogue. A rogue!” After saying that, he simply left. After the instructor pulled himself together, he whined like a child, saying, “You are a rogue. You are a rogue.” Then he hurried away. Such a dramatic result was beyond my expectation.
After experiencing more than five years' persecution in a forced labor camp, I firmly survived. My personal feeling is that the fundamental point is to believe in Master and the Fa. No matter when or under what condition, one must insist on Fa study because
“The Fa can break all attachments, the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa can shatter all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts.” (“Drive Out Interference” in Essentials for Further Advancement II)
Of course, no Fa study was allowed in the forced labor camp. The scriptures we brought in were taken away from us, so we had to memorize the Fa. Moreover, they arranged for criminals to monitor us 24 hours a day. Sometimes they forced us to listen to recordings or watch videos that slandered Falun Gong. Guards threatened us. They arranged for collaborators to come and talk to us to “transform” us. After a day of such torture, I was greatly harmed both physically and mentally. When I thought I wanted to relax a little bit, then thought karma began to appear. When a suspicious thought about the Fa became strong, it made me very nervous. I then recited the Fa until late at night.
After years of being detained, I could not keep in touch with the Fa. I forgot many Fa scriptures I had memorized before. I repeatedly recited “On Buddha Law.” Whenever I had time, I would recite it. I would recite it a dozen times or dozens of times a day. Sometimes I would recite it 40 to 50 times a day. It was Dafa that gave me power and wisdom and eliminated a lot of my weaknesses as well as bad stuff imposed by the evil. I was able to firmly endure that five years of evil persecution in the detention centers and forced labor camps.
IV. Look inward and genuinely cultivate yourself
I deepened my study of the Fa and often read the experience sharing articles in Minghui Weekly. I noticed that I had not genuinely cultivated myself in many areas. I thought that cultivation could be replaced by doing a lot of things. I could not look inward when encountering some problems. I still had many strong attachments. These human mentalities affected the overall coordination, validating the Fa, and saving the sentient beings. I think that Dafa disciples have no alternative: we must genuinely practice cultivation.
A. Getting rid of the attachment of looking down on others, increasing tolerance, cultivating to have compassion
During the process of contacting and cooperating with fellow practitioners, I noticed that I had the attachment of looking down on others, including fellow practitioners. I often accused, blamed and talked about their shortcomings. From Fa study, I realized that this was not kindness, not compassion, and I should get rid of such attachments. Master said,
“So what's their state of mind? It's tolerance, an extremely immense tolerance, being able to accept other beings, and being able to truly think from other beings' perspectives.” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.”)
I realized I should be looking at people more from their good side and not focus on their shortcomings.
“When you are working together and experience friction, it is because of human attachments. That is part of one’s cultivation state and process, and absolutely not because someone is truly no good. A person’s good side can’t be seen anymore, as it has been separated. What you see will always be the side that has not been cultivated yet. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a compassionate heart, or should look at people in rigid ways.”
“Whatever it is that you encounter, the first thought should be to scrutinize yourself, and it’s called “looking within.” (“What is a Dafa Disciple”)
Master explicitly explained how I should view and deal with these issues, how to cultivate myself well. I strictly followed Dafa's standards to evaluate myself and constantly got rid of these attachments. My tolerance improved. By the end of 2011, a local practitioner was arrested and sent to brainwashing sessions. Under pressure, she became confused and told the CCP information about our local material site, the coordinator's situation, and how Dafa disciples contacted each other. The staff members at the brainwashing center had an internal meeting and claimed that they knew everything about Falun Gong in our area and they planned to arrest more practitioners. Some practitioners got worried and suggested that we should go hide out for a while. I communicated with fellow practitioners and reminded them that we are Master Li Hongzhi's disciples, that we should not recognize or admit any other arrangement. Only our Master has the final say.
“Just by staying unaffected you will be able to handle all situations.” (“Teaching the Fa at the Conference in the Midwest-U.S.”)
Basically everyone calmed down and continued to do a good job in face-to-face truth-clarification, persuading people to withdraw from the CCP and its affiliated organizations, and distributing informational materials to save sentient beings.
However, local practitioners still had resentment toward the practitioner who had revealed information. How come in over ten years of persecution, nobody else had betrayed everyone by telling the CCP everything? I thought to myself that, although this practitioner did something wrong, since she was confused at that time, we should not abandon her. Instead, we should forgive her. We should wake her up with compassion. Otherwise, we would push her along a road that would ruin her. Fellow practitioners talked with her several times. She woke up and felt remorse and deep sorrow. She drank an overdose of some medicine since she did not want to live anymore. We immediately talked to her and exchanged our understandings from the Fa and encouraged her to recover. However, after she was released, she had severe illusions of sickness karma. Influenced by her children, she went to a hospital and had surgery to remove a cancer and three quarters of her stomach. We felt sorry for her, but we did not blame her. We thought since our fellow practitioner had made mistakes again and again, she needed our help and encouragement, and we shared understandings from the Fa. Some practitioners and I bought her gifts and went to visit her. She was deeply touched. She began to have a better understanding of the Fa principles and decided to cultivate herself well and follow Master to return to her genuine home. Her condition improved very quickly. Her family members who do not practice Falun Gong also changed their attitude towards Dafa and were very nice to us. Now she is very diligent in her cultivation and does the three things well. Since we do things in a righteous way as a whole body, with Master's compassionate care and protection, although the Party personnel have our information, they cannot move against us.
B. Letting go of self-esteem and voluntarily cooperating with fellow practitioners
More than five years' imprisonment and forced labor camp left me physically debilitated. I have difficulty walking. But I was not depressed. I seized the time and spent a lot time studying the Fa. I also worked with local practitioners to do the three things well. Fellow practitioners asked me to be the coordinator again.
In order to support my two children in college, two years after I was released, I went to work even though I was not completely recovered. The hours were long and physically tiring. Each day after work, I was very tired. I was drowsy when studying the Fa. When sending forth righteous thoughts, I could not keep my hand straight. Fellow practitioners were anxious for me.
One day, a practitioner who was also a coordinator told me, “You do not need to be the general coordinator. I will be in charge of that.” When we had the next coordination meeting, he hosted the meeting and would not allow me to say anything. I did not say a word and did not try to explain. My heart was under attack and I felt very upset. After returning home, I wondered to myself why I felt so sad. The answer was I felt that I had lost face in front of others. Wasn't that an attachment of fame and pursuit of benefit? I should getting rid of these attachments after practicing cultivation. I should put Dafa in the most important position, be responsible to Dafa. Although I was still not happy, my righteous thoughts became dominant, and I decided to work well with that fellow practitioner. At the same time, I really admire that fellow practitioner's courage in being responsible to the Fa. Later I voluntarily cooperated with him. We often exchanged our understandings from the Fa standpoint, and we do not have any conflicts between us. He is more short-tempered. Sometimes he got angry at me and complained about me. I did not have any complaints. As a cultivator, who does not have any shortcomings? Being tolerant of others' shortcomings, we will be able to coordinate with each other well, and then we will be able to do Dafa things well.
After a while, I started to wonder: Why are you following him around? I knew it was a human attachment, or the evil pushed something into my mind to attempt to separate us. I then rejected it. Our local coordinators can complement each other. We have not had much conflict.
C. Understanding the Fa principle and cultivating myself by getting rid of the attachment of validating myself
Due to the evil Party's influence on me when I was a cadre for many years, I had strong attachments of showing off and validating myself. In my cultivation practice, this type of attachment appeared strongly. A few years ago, whenever I did something, I wanted to show myself off in front of fellow practitioners. I felt it was hard to hold back and not show off. Sometimes I even exaggerated the facts. Even I could recognize that strong attachment of validating myself.
I paid special attention to cultivating myself to get rid of these attachments. Especially in recent years, I began to have a clearer understanding of the Fa principles, and I was able to get rid of these attachments faster. Master said,
“The desire to show off plus the attachment of zealotry are most easily exploited by the demonic part of your mind.” (“Definitive Conclusion” in Essentials for Further Advancement)
and pointed out the danger of the attachment of showing off. Master said,
“Some practitioners want me to check out their abilities and skills. But actually, what I think is, all of that was given by me, so there's no need to look.” (“Fa-Lecture During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference”)
My fellow practitioners and I realized that, in fact, it is our Master who is doing everything in this Fa rectification process. Master has arranged everything carefully in this Fa rectification. When you do things according to the requirement of the Fa and assimilate with Master's requirements, you will be able to do it successfully. You will see some miracles. Trying to show off oneself is really a greedy exhibition of overconfidence and will make you a laughingstock. I noticed that some local practitioners, even though they are not well educated and nor are they good at speaking, when they do Dafa things and are saving sentient beings, they create extraordinary miracles. It was the Fa that gave them power and wisdom. Dafa disciples only need to validate the Fa, and they have no excuse to show themselves off. On the contrary, looking back on my own journey, so many times I did not reach the requirements of the Fa in validating the Fa and saving sentient beings, which has left me a lot of regrets. I have learned to be humble.
Please kindly point out any mistakes that do not comply with the Fa.
