(Minghui.org) I felt bitter and that is what was difficult during those times. I felt bitter because I couldn't understand things from the standpoint of the Fa. I felt it was difficult because I had very limited time to take care of my family and yet do a good job of validating the Fa. I studied the Fa more and made efforts to balance the relationships among family, work, and cultivation. I could not use conforming to the everyday people as an excuse and spent time and effort on my family. In the meantime, I could not go to extremes and ignore my family because of my cultivation. During those times, I overlooked a lot of the housework, so my mother sent me steamed buns, pickles, and all kinds of food to help me save time. In terms of ordinary human society, I didn't have anything my mother would be proud of, but I believed that, in the future, my mother would be proud of me forever.
Greetings, Compassionate Great Master!
Greetings, fellow practitioners!
I thank Master for making arrangements for me on my cultivation path and for his utmost care and constant enlightenment to help me overcome my predicaments and increase my confidence in saving sentient beings. I thank the Minghui website for providing an exchange platform so that I can once again find my inadequacies, make amends, and firmly grasp the opportunity to save sentient beings.
At the end of a busy day, as I looked out of the window and saw people still hustling in the dim light, I couldn't help but be filled with emotion. I felt the urgency and the heavy responsibility of saving sentient beings, and I felt the importance of cultivating myself well. Every day as I faced the daily hustle and bustle of this mundane world, the temptations of different interests, and the interference from various people, I admonished myself constantly not to get involved in the drama of human life too deeply. From time to time, I measured myself with the Fa and always treated an unhappy event as an opportunity to cultivate my mind. I studied the Fa diligently, dissolved myself in the Fa, and let the principles of Dafa assimilate to each particle in my body and mind, so that everything in the ordinary human society had no place in my mind, except Dafa and the thought of saving sentient beings who were anxious to be saved.
1. Responsibility
Since childhood, I had been introverted and had low self-esteem. I was not good at expressing myself. After Dafa cultivation, I have changed a lot due to clarifying the truth to people. But I had never thought of taking on responsibilities. I thought that I only needed to do the three things well and cooperate well with others. I was afraid of assuming responsibility. I felt that I did not have the ability, so I always stayed away from everything.
Once, many practitioners in the neighboring city were arrested and many materials production sites were wrecked. Because of the destruction of the material production sites, many practitioners were unable to read the Minghui Weekly. There were a limited number of local practitioners involved in validating the Fa at that time and I didn't think of taking on the responsibility. I was just trying to make it possible for fellow practitioners to read the Minghui Weekly and to distribute the truth-clarifying fliers, so that we could improve as a group and save sentient beings.
One day while I was riding a bus coming back from the neighboring city, I inexplicably felt my eyes brimming with tears and I couldn't stop it. Although I couldn't see anything, I could feel a solemn scene in another dimension. Countless gods gathered over me in the sky, their eager expressions showing that they were touched by my assuming responsibility and their longing for my imminent return. Their thinking infiltrated my thoughts. I saw helpless sentient beings and felt the weight of the responsibility. My compassion arose spontaneously.
Later, through sharing with fellow practitioners, I helped them to install the computer system with my limited skill. I helped to purchase the printer and taught others how to get on the Internet. Of course, there were a lot of obstacles along the way. Since I wasn't very familiar with the computer system, it took me several times to put it together. Sometimes it took me the whole evening. After completing the system, I had to teach others how to get on the Internet, as some practitioners had never touched a computer before. Because we had Teacher and the Fa, things that seem to be troublesome are readily solved.
Gradually, fellow practitioners were able to get on the Internet to read the Minghui Weekly, and more people quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its affiliated organizations. We often got together to discuss how to organize a Fa study group and how to have a proper basis to negate the old forces. More practitioners who had not stepped forward gradually came to join us. Once the police went to a practitioner's home to arrest him. With a proper basis to negate the old forces, he clarified the truth to the police impressively. He also gave them a truth-clarifying CD. A seemingly inevitable act of persecution was disintegrated. He said that the sharing seemed to play an important role.
2. Expanding Capacity
As we were heading in the right direction, my husband suddenly had high blood pressure and diabetes complications. His mind slowed down, and he was unable to see or read. He didn't know to avoid cars while walking on the street and didn't know to throw coins into the collection bucket when boarding a bus. I hurried home and took him to the hospital. A few days later, there was bad news that a practitioner in a neighboring city was persecuted to death. The sad news perplexed me. I wiped away my tears and, in a somber mood, rushed to the neighboring city with fellow practitioners.
Upon returning home, my heart was very heavy. I vaguely remembered the voice and the smiling face of the fellow practitioner. While I put together the information to expose this incident on the Internet, I made truth-clarifying materials. Then a schoolteacher called to say that my child was not doing well and was naughty and wanted me to come to the school. Before I finished dealing with that, my elder sister, who was always tolerant of her siblings, was mad at me over a trivial matter. She was crying and complaining. Things really got complicated. While I managed things at home, I continued to participate in validating the Fa.
One day while several of us were discussing how to sue the agency and people responsible for the death of the fellow practitioner, a practitioner responsible for the installation of NTDTV dishes came into town. He said he needed to go to a neighboring city to install a unit, but he didn't know any practitioners there. Only Practitioner A and I knew the practitioners in the neighboring city, but Practitioner A was very busy as it was approaching the New Year. As I had just come back from the neighboring city, I needed to take care of my sick husband and child. Besides, I needed to gather information to publish the incident on the Internet. I suggested that the fellow practitioner go to the neighboring city to find a practitioner there. Practitioner A reproved me in front of other practitioners and said that I could not let go of my family and my attachment for them, etc. Facing conflicts one after another, I choked back my tears and did not say a word. If someone tried to comfort me, let alone shout at me, I would have burst into tears. That practitioner's words pierced my uncultivated heart.
Upon returning home, I broke down in tears. Did people without family burdens understand people with families? Did I still have the problem she mentioned? I looked inward even as I wept. I knew that my grievances were not just due to the practitioner's few words. I wanted others to understand the stress I was under, to understand the plight of my family, to understand a lot of things I was worried about and a lot of things I needed to do, such as writing articles to expose the persecution on the Internet, editing pamphlets, compiling the local Multimedia Messaging Service, and solving problems related to mobile phones and computers. In the meantime, I had to take care of my family. Sometimes I stayed up late, sometimes I didn't go to bed at all. And I needed to study the Fa and do the exercises. All of these things I needed to do, but I could not mention them to others and had to keep them to myself. I told myself repeatedly to not cry anymore as it was wasting time. But my tears were just unstoppable.
I thought of what Master said,
“By the time the gong reaches his xinxing level, the gong has also increased up to that level. If he wants to continue increasing his gong, the conflict will also become very serious, as it requires him to keep upgrading xinxing.”
(Zhuan Falun)
I then thought of what Master had said,
“Some people are unhappy when they meet with unpleasant things. Then aren’t you a human being? How are you any different? When you encounter unpleasant things, it is precisely time to cultivate yourself, to cultivate your mind. Didn’t religions used to teach that one should cultivate inward, working on the mind? Don’t listen to how modern people might interpret it—they don’t necessarily know the true meaning. Go and truly cultivate yourself—when you get into a conflict or run into some problem you should look at yourself and see what’s wrong, and ask yourself how you should handle it, using the Fa to evaluate things. Wouldn’t you say that is cultivation?”
(“Dafa Disciples Must Study the Fa - Fa Teaching Given at the 2011 Washington DC Metro Area Fa Conference”)
As I thought of Master's words, my tears stopped abruptly. While I was telling myself not to have any opinion of fellow practitioners, I thought quietly of my shortcomings. Were there any other problems? Being bitter and tired, the accusations from others were really not so serious. It only lasted for a moment. How to look at things based on the Fa was the essence of cultivation. It was the crux of the matter. Why did I feel I was being wronged when I encountered opposition. Wasn't it that my mind was too full and my capacity too small? It was time to enlarge my capacity. I wiped my tears away and said in my heart, “Master, I can do it.”
During that time, I felt bitter and that it was difficult. It was the most bitter without a clear understanding of the Fa. It was difficult as I had to take care of my family and do a good job of validating the Fa with very limited time available. I studied the Fa diligently, made efforts to balance the relationship of family, work, and cultivation. I couldn't use the excuse of conforming to everyday people and spent time and effort on my family. I couldn't go to the extreme and not spend time and effort on my family because of my cultivation. During that time, a lot of housework piled up. My elderly mother kept bringing me steamed buns, ready-made pickles, and all kinds of food to help me save time. I did not have the time to tend to my mother, so she sometimes only stood at the door and left. I couldn't express my gratitude and my guilt to my mother. Since ancient times, it is said, “Loyalty and filial piety cannot be reconciled.” Although the quote wasn't appropriate here, this time I did understand its true meaning. In terms of ordinary human society, I didn't have anything my mother would be proud of, but I believed that, in the future, my mother would be proud of me forever.
A fellow practitioner asked why couldn't I make my husband get well sooner? Another practitioner thought I had too much sentiment toward my husband. I didn't try to defend myself. I thought I did not have the attachment for my family. I sent forth righteous thoughts to disintegrate all evil elements in other dimensions that took advantage of my family situation to obstruct my assisting Teacher rectifying the Fa. But my husband's condition remained the same. I thought things were more complex than they seemed to be on the surface. Our cultivation paths are all different; otherwise, wouldn't there be ways to consult and follow? Master said,
“I have said that there are no role models, no examples, and that at most one can draw upon others’ experiences and see how they handled things while having righteous thoughts. If you try to do things by mimicking what they did, or blindly do whatever they did, then you are wrong. Each person is traveling his own path, and each is gaining enlightenment from Dafa as to what will one day be his own Fa.” (“2012 International Fa Conference at the U.S. Capital”)
Later, my husband began to study the Fa and quit smoking and drinking. People were very surprised, as he used to smoke nearly two packs of cigarettes a day and drank twice a day. How could it be so easy for one to quit both habits? He told people that he had heard from a very capable person who had stopped thinking of smoking. When my husband began studying the Fa, he said he couldn't stop smoking because he was addicted. I read him what Master said about smoking. After that he just stopped thinking about smoking. My husband's mind returned to normal, and he could read Master's lectures clearly. He also helped me with cooking chores and our small business. At the beginning of his hospitalization, medical treatments did not have any effect on him. Now, after studying the Fa, he gradually recovered without the need to stay in the hospital or take any medicine. Perhaps he was suppose to obtain the Fa this way.
As I recalled the whole process, my husband's illness, in fact, had not affected our business for a single day and did not affect my validating the Fa. It was just too much pressure at the time. Now I finally overcame it. My husband often said with emotion, “If not for learning Dafa, perhaps I would be in a very different situation. Hospitals cannot cure my illness. If something happens to me, our home would be ruined. Luckily, we have Master.” The day my sister got angry at me, I sent her a text message. I told her that, because I was so dependent on her, that my tone of voice was rather bad. I also told her that I would pay more attention in the future and asked her for forgiveness. My sister was very touched. After that, she had more respect for me. I knew it was respecting the Fa.
3. Everything Will Change When One Put One's Mind on the Fa
A former Falun Gong practitioner who had gone astray betrayed many fellow practitioners and they were arrested. He had also mentioned my name to the authorities. At that time I was under lots of pressure, but I knew I could not let the old forces succeed. The day when the betrayed practitioners were arrested, it was drizzling and the sky was gray. My heart was heavy. But I did not stop doing what I should be doing. I went to a fellow practitioner's home to fetch a computer to help install the system. I sent forth righteous thoughts while I was walking. I recalled what Teacher had said,
“If every Dafa disciple can think and act righteously as he goes about things and can look at things with righteous thoughts under any circumstance, none of you will become afraid when facing persecution. If that is how you are, who would dare to persecute you!” (“Teaching the Fa in San Francisco, 2005”)
I suddenly thought that my life belonged to Dafa and sentient beings. I had a mission to save sentient beings who were poisoned by the lies. How could I have any relationship with the old forces? All of a sudden, I felt there was an invisible force within me, a righteous thought connected to the Fa that nobody was able to budge. My fear disappeared without a trace.
But my family members were terrified. My parents, brothers, and sisters all told me to leave home. I calmly told them my thoughts so they could understand. In the beginning my family were very excited, then they finally said, “We are just discussing it and feel that wherever you go, it will still be unsafe. But as soon as we see you, we feel that you will be safe.” I knew then the old forces' conspiracy had fallen through.
Some time ago, the buildings around our house were to be relocated. I thought the relocation would be a lot of trouble: one would need to negotiate the agreement, move, rent, and buy a house, and it would waste too much time and effort. I thought, “How could I let those things interfere with my cultivation and saving sentient beings?” I thought it was better not to relocate. When the relocation notice was put up, all the houses were to be relocated except ours.
My old job was in marketing and collecting payments. One store owner often refused to honor his debts, and many salesmen had to assume the loss. One time the owner told me there was a billing error that did not match the data in his computer. I argued with him. People nowadays are so corrupt and always want to take advantage of others. I did not want the lost payment and thus put the bill away. Over a period of time, whenever I had to go to his home to collect payments, I took the unpaid bill with me. At that moment, I had a new understanding that, if the owner refused to pay, he would be trading his debt for his virtue and would be losing a lot. The money was not as important to me any longer. The important thing was not to let him create karma, because his future would be bad. When I only considered him with compassion, he seemed to have forgotten the discrepancy and paid the whole amount.
Several years ago, I went out looking for a job with a fellow practitioner. There were only restaurant jobs available. Those jobs often required working days and nights. I thought that I would not have time to study the Fa if I took a restaurant job. I thought I needed to find a job that would allow me time to study the Fa. The other practitioner thought there was no other option, so she took a job in a restaurant. I was unwilling to compromise and did not take any of the restaurant jobs. A few days later, someone told me about a marketing job. Although it was hard work, I would have time to study the Fa and do the exercises. The job provided me a convenient way to clarify the truth to people. The other practitioner was still working in a restaurant. Because she has not studied the Fa for so long, she is now away from the Fa. It is really regrettable. It is very important to view a problem based on the Fa.
4. Cultivating Oneself Well and Seizing Opportunities to Save Sentient Being
I began using a cell phone to clarify the truth a few years ago, and now I am pretty good at it. I feel it is very convenient to use the cell phone to do this and have recommended it to other practitioners. Later, several practitioners began to use Smart-phones. I thus quickly compiled a local Multimedia Messaging Service and asked Minghui to help me set it up. Then I discovered that not that many practitioners were using cell phones to clarify the truth. Some practitioners had bought Smart-phones but did not know how to use them. Some only knew little bits and pieces. I had taught them numerous times but the progress was slow. I started to think that I had always emphasized that others hadn't done enough and did not see how much I had done myself. I thought I should do something to bring everybody along. I thought of what Teacher said,
“As Dafa disciples clarify the facts, they are truly going at it one man against a hundred, or even one against a thousand, and have effectively exposed this ordeal that the evil created and directed at Dafa disciples.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Greater New York International Fa Conference”)
As I thought about it, I no longer worried about how many practitioners were involved in the project and no longer focused on how much others had done; instead, I thought it would be enough just for me to do it myself. I would enable hundreds of thousands of people living nearby to hear the truth about Dafa. As I was editing the local numbers, I sent the thought to my mind. I then had a warm feeling in my back and a warm current passing through my body from head to toe. I could not help but burst into tears, feeling that Teacher was so close to me. I could feel Teacher's blessing and encouragement.
I had often submitted articles to the Minghui website. All of them were published because they were related to the experience sharing, exposing the persecution, or on sending truth-clarifying fliers, and so on. Lately, my articles were not published. I was a little frustrated because I had spent a lot of time writing them. I thought I wrote them to validate the Fa and there weren't any elements of personal interest. All the time I was defending myself in my heart, but I knew I had problems. I carefully looked inward and later I discovered that I had begun to feel that I was good and I had cultivated solidly. I didn't know when these thoughts started. I had attached importance to studying the Fa, doing the exercises, and looking inward. And I had computer and cell phone skills and had compiled articles, things that most fellow practitioner didn't know how to do. When did such dirty thoughts start? The feeling “I am pretty good” was dangerous. I was shocked. Then I read a sharing article about “How to make oneself small” and felt it was for me to read.
Teacher often enlightened me in different ways when I was in a predicament. Once, the authorities were watching us when we were sharing. We escaped danger with the help of Teacher's blessings and practitioners' righteous thoughts. But at that moment, I found my mindset wasn't right. I had only thought of using the means of everyday people to solve problems, rather than looking at the issue with righteous thoughts from the perspective of the Fa. I was disheartened. I began to look inward closely and found the source. For so many years, I still had elements of not believing in Teacher and the Fa. I simply couldn't believe it and dared not to admit I was in such a state. I was having a hard time. For several days, I did not want to do anything other than study the Fa. I memorized many of Teacher's lectures related to this issue. After I found the root cause, I felt the profoundness of the Fa, the cheerfulness of connecting to the Fa, and layer upon layer of the Fa principles unfolded before my eyes, there was a tremendous change in my microscopic body as my body was being assimilated to the Fa from the microscopic to the surface. At that point, the Minghui website published the booklet “One Hundred Percent Believing in Teacher and the Fa.” Teacher knows everything.
I felt very tired doing all kinds of things every day. I clarified the truth using my cell phone for more than half of every day, and sat at a computer desk for a whole day or whole night. Sometimes when I looked at the computer seat, I became apprehensive. Occasionally I thought of not scheduling my time so tightly to avoid getting so nervous. But I found that the fatigue was of short duration. If my thoughts were not on the Fa, mental relaxation would make me sad. I was aware that my ability came from Teacher and originated from the Fa. How could I not validate the Fa with this ability and just think of comfort? I was glad that I had always emphasized Fa study. I had the Fa in mind to measure everything. Even though I was clumsy in learning new things, I found I wasn't too bad in learning the techniques on projects related to validating the Fa. Some practitioners praised my well written articles about the persecution, and some said that I balanced well family affairs and validating the Fa. How could any of it be possible if it wasn't for Teacher giving them to me? How did I dare take the credit for it? Teacher said,
“You say that you have such great abilities and so on and so forth, but that was all bestowed upon you by the Fa! Actually, it wouldn't work if you failed to attain that level of abilities.” (“Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference, Fa-Lecture During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference”)
In order to be alert, I used “It is urgent to clarify the truth” as passwords so each time I turned on the computer, I would have a sense of urgency.
One day when I turned on the computer, I saw Teacher at the Washington DC Fa Conference. When I looked at the photo of Teacher giving the lecture, I could not help weeping. All the bitterness, fatigue, and feelings of being wronged suddenly disappeared. I felt I was bathed in Teacher's infinite grace. As I looking at Teacher's expectant eyes, my brain reverberated with cultivating myself well and saving sentient beings. There is no other choice.
