Minghui Fahui | Walking My Path with Master
(Minghui.org) In the Lectures in the United States, Master said:
“But although you can’t see me in person, as long as you practice cultivation, I’m actually right by your side. And as long as you practice cultivation, I can be responsible for you all the way to the end; what’s more, I’m looking after you every single moment.”
Although I am but a common Dafa disciple among hundreds of millions, and never having seen Master, Master's omnipresence has truly become a part of my life. I suddenly became clear that this period of cultivation is a blessing that has never occurred in my past and will never occur in my future, because this is precisely the time that I am with Master. In this mortal world, only when I am with Master can my body, which is full of sentiment and desire, be cleansed.
Eliminating the attachment of sentimentality
The Fa is merciful to all living beings. It provides joy for all beings' lives at their respective levels. The quality and nobility of life is ever more beautiful at higher levels. However, this type of opportunity of transcending levels is not an ordinary one, and it is not something every life is able to have. The joy for humans at this level is sentimentality. In Zhuan Falun, Master has mentioned many times: “They live just for this sentimentality.” I also placed too much importance on sentimentality. I felt that life was meaningless without someone to care for me. So, when I was looking for a partner, his appearance and finances were not important, but he had to care about me. I found an attentive husband. When I woke up in the morning, he would even squeeze the toothpaste out for me.
When I began cultivation in 1997, for about a year my husband didn't talk to me. Prior to cultivation, because of my poor health, I had to resign from work. Nowadays, although I don't suffer from illnesses anymore and my body feels light, I don't go out to work. I cook and help out in the small factory that my husband opened. So, all that year, I faced his “cold violence.” I'm clear on the Fa principles that he has come for my improvement and that I should act according to what Master stated: “Pacify the External by Cultivating the Internal” (“Pacify the External by Cultivating the Internal” from Essentials For Further Advancement) When the lady my husband met outside came to our house, I put my own coat on her as I saw she wasn't wearing enough clothes, and in early spring the weather is quite cold. I prepared a hot cup of water for her and clarified the truth about Dafa to her. Before leaving she sincerely said, “I didn't expect you to be so good.” Once she left, I was totally exhausted and I had difficulty breathing.
One day in 2001, my naïve daughter asked, “Mom, have you seen through the vanity of the world? In Dad's bag is a picture of another lady.” Actually, I saw more than just a photo. There was also a pair of newly woven wool pants with cross stitched mandarin ducks (Note: Mandarin ducks are a symbol of love for couples). I forced myself to appear calm and took my daughter to give her a bath, but I collapsed into the tub.
The lady who does web promotions often came to the factory. My husband and she would chat very enthusiastically. I would sit on the side and watch with my heart aching. I asked myself, “Why don't you want to leave? If you are a cultivator, then just leave!” I went home and did the exercises. I cried while doing the second exercise of holding the wheel. I told myself, “Don't cry now. Cry after finishing the exercises.” After, it hurt less, and I just hummed. In the song “Eight Immortals Crossing the Ocean,” part of it goes like this: “Immortals have no troubles, they can toss fame and gain behind them” (unofficial translation of lyrics). Aren't I cultivating godhood? I should cheer up a bit. Yet, I was taking turns taking care of my father-in-law, who became a vegetable, with my sisters-in-law. No matter what, I am still regarded as the “daughter-in-law.” Washing cloth diapers and feeding are what I ought to do. Faced with my unruly mother-in-law, the newly-wed sister-in-law said to me, “Sister-in-law, if I didn't see that you were from the city, and that you were this nice serving her, I would have already done something not nice to her.”
I also often went out to look for a job. At the very least I wouldn't have to face my husband every day, and my life would be slightly less uncomfortable. However, there are so many things to be done in the Fa-Rectification, and I need time. Master enlightened me that this environment relates to my consummation in the future. I know Master is beside me. I wouldn't dare not to listen to Master's words, as I do not want to let Master down. Master also used different ways to alert me to some of my shortcomings in cultivation. For example, in a dream my aunt always followed my husband (in Chinese, “aunt” and “suspicious” sound the same). It hinted me that I am too suspicious. I also dreamt of myself going to someone's house and stealing buns and sticky rice cakes. I was in a hurry, then discovered that there was a big dog staring at me in the house opposite. I felt it was Master telling me that I often got mad and a demon was watching me.
In this long, drawn out oppression, my heart broke so many times. It was Master's immense mercy that mended my broken heart.
In about the winter of 2003, one evening I returned home but had no key. It was very late and I was too embarrassed to disturb my friend. I called my husband many times. When he answered, I could hear that he was drinking, and there were crowd noises in the background. After a long time he finally arrived home. I was cold and depressed. The following morning I sat on the edge of my bed, studying and crying at the same time. I said to Master, “Master, you see how much I'm suffering. I want to get a divorce.” Master then actually appeared right by my bedside, looking tall, dignified and magnificent. Master chuckled and asked me, “What do you want?” Amidst my grief I didn't have any thoughts and just replied, “I want Dafa.” Master then asked, “Will you still cultivate?” I replied, “I'll cultivate.” Master then extended his hand and grabbed something that was on my heart. All the grievance I felt just disappeared. Master...Just then I truly saw Master. The next day, still excited, I wept as I rode the motorbike to deliver truth clarification materials to another practitioner. In the sky, gods followed me as I rode. They were crying and I saw their teardrops fall. They said, “Look, Dafa has created a god out of a person who was full of sentiment and desire.” They were in admiration of Dafa's power.
At this point, I saw that anger is a type of matter. Once it was unable to completely control me, it turned into something like a mass of dark clouds appearing above my head, helplessly looking at me. When I was slightly emotional, it would try to drill into my head.
Due to being stuck in the tribulation for such a long time, I said to Master in my heart, “Master, it's not that I can't cultivate, and it's not that I don't actually cultivate, but why is it that I'm forever in this tribulation?” That evening, after sending forth righteous thoughts at midnight, just as I lay down, I dreamt of a very big, thick book. I stood on the right side of the book. In front of me a mass of grey-black smoke was rolling. It communicated telepathically to me, “Do you remember that you were Ms. Feng in history?” I shook my head. It indicated that I should flip open the book. On the first few pages were beautiful girls. It seemed that I was the first one. After flipping through the book, it (the grey, black smoke) asked me in a loud and serious tone, “Do you think your debts from history can just be casually discarded? I replied just as loudly, “They're all what you've imposed on me! I don't acknowledge them!” I then woke up, remembering very clearly the details of the dream. I was clear that it was the old forces who were actually not letting me overcome the tribulation. The conflict between my husband and me was actually imposed on us by a type of controlling external force. He (my husband) had actually borne a lot, but even so, he had never slandered Master or the Fa. Even though he was never happy with my participating in projects that validate the Fa, he never obstructed me. Especially so when I would clarify the truth in front of him to his clients and friends, he would appear very proud. I could feel that from his heart he admired me. I will truly cultivate and repay him in the future.
Once I was studying the Fa at home and sending forth righteous thoughts every hour. After sending forth righteous thoughts I reached out to pick up Zhuan Falun. The Chinese character for “snake” in the book turned into a little snake then jumped out before my eyes, which gave me a real shock. Later on I encountered some severe interference from the demon of lust. In my dreams it would appear as a ferocious looking male butcher. In my dimensional field, he walked back and forth. At times he also extended his hand to grab me. In this dimension it manifested as a particular male practitioner suddenly becoming very attentive toward me. I dreamt that he was a drug addict, and his addiction would reoccur every time he saw me. This time I saw that sexual lust is a type of grey, black, sticky substance. It stuck to my heart, giving me a feeling of sweetness. Although I indicated to him that it is impossible, the “pleasant words” he said were still revolving around in my head, and those words would pop up on their own. I really hated myself for not living up to expectations. I said to myself, “I'm a cultivator, a Dafa disciple, how could I want this stuff?” I studied a lot of Fa and constantly reminded myself, “One righteous mind can subdue a hundred evils.” It's the matter on my body that was not righteous bringing about this effect with the other male practitioner, so he acted like that. At the same time I sent forth righteous thoughts to clean it up. I then dreamt of the same male butcher. He was as short as half of the house and walking back and forth. I was on the roof.
Whenever I see another practitioner stumble due to lust I want to warn him: “Don't wrongly think that the other person really likes you. Don't be deceived by your own vanity. That's just the demon of lust making the other person do and say that. It's all to make you fall.”
Eliminating the attachment to material interests
Since I was young, my life seemed better compared to others my age. But once the persecution started, my husband gave me only a very minimal amount of money every month. He said he was afraid I would spend all of it on Dafa. Furthermore, he said he wanted to know what I spent my money on. I took a notepad and made a note of everything I spent money on, even if it was just a small amount. The first two times I felt grieved and cried when I was telling him what I spent the money on. The third time I said, “Today I didn't cry when I told you what I spent the money on.” Because of some demolition taking place, my husband and two business partners left home to rent a factory very far away. The other two partners came to the kitchen at noon to eat the food I had cooked. When I was not there, they cooked for themselves, but they used my oil, salt, sauce, and vinegar and never cleaned their dishes after they finished. After a while this started to really upset me. I thought to myself, “Now that we eat together, there's definitely a predestined relationship. They're not my family now, but I don't know in which life they were my family.” I have a predestined relationship with so many people, but none of them seem to be benevolent predestined relationships. All are related to repayment. My heart was sometimes moved. I'd pick up the sesame oil bottle to see how much of it they'd used and accidentally spill a bowl of eggs. I knew straight away that I was wrong.
My aunt and her son were angry at each other, so my mother-in-law called her and told her to come live in the factory. Then she called her sister, who was 84 years old, to come live there, too. Every afternoon after I finished cooking, I would send forth righteous thoughts at noon, then eat. Sometimes there wasn't enough food, so there was nothing left for me. The freshly cooked food had all been eaten, the older food was left for me. When others went to rest, I was still sweeping. It was hard for me to bear it any longer. In the evening when I was sitting in another practitioner's car, I felt exhausted in both mind and body. The practitioner unintentionally turned on the MP3 player, and I heard Master say: “people of great inborn quality.” I knew it was Master encouraging me. My tears then started flowing. The practitioner asked, “Is this interference?” I thought to myself, “Whether or not it's interference from the old forces or a barrier arranged by Master, if I want to pass it, I've just got to assimilate to the Fa, there is no other way out.”
Once I didn't cook for two days. On the third day I went to the factory. My sister-in-law said that in the past two days she had spent a lot of money on vegetables and bread. I took some money and went to see her. I wanted my husband to see: “Your sister-in-law eats here daily, spends little money, and wants me to pay for it.” I suddenly realized that I ought to give her the money. How could I hide a human intent (wanting to have my husband see) behind what I did? In this case, even though I am a Dafa disciple, I was lower than everyday people. When I do things, it's good enough if I just do them according to the Fa. What am I doing trying to get people to see? I need to purify myself, not have so many human mindsets. I found that I could gradually catch each and every thought that didn't conform to the Fa. I then had a deeper understanding of the non-action that Master lectured about.
This summer my husband's friend from Shanghai brought his wife and child to take a vacation with us. I went with the children. On the road, it was mainly my husband who paid all the bills. I found that I no longer cared for who paid for the tickets, who paid for the meals. I didn't intentionally try to cultivate this away, but, rather, I just didn't want to know. I didn't even take an interest in the scenery. I just wanted to find a suitable person to clarify the truth to. Nearing Beijing, everyone wanted to have a quick tour. Conversely, I just found a spot to send forth righteous thoughts at the headquarters of the evil. When returning home we passed Mt. Pan Way. I thought that a deity must live in the towering peaks, and that he must really envy me that in my hand I held Zhuan Falun. At dusk when we had almost arrived at home, I remembered that I had left my phone that I use to clarify the truth in the back. I turned it on in the morning but had yet to change the phone card and the battery. It was still sending out MMS! I picked it up and got a huge surprise. How could it still have power? Normally, after a bit over two hours, it would stop working. As soon as I had that human thought, the phone prompted me that there was insufficient power.
Eliminating the attachment to reputation
After July 20, 1999, faced with the huge pressure, many practitioners cultivated secretly. My house became a place where practitioners could meet and pick up truth clarification materials. After some time I became a coordinator. I originally thought that as a person, I was of low profile, just an average housewife with no thoughts of pursuing a reputation for myself.
In 2010, a practitioner who has a very strong consciousness and doesn't fear hardship helped other practitioners who hadn't been coming out with great patience. Whatever the season and whatever the weather, she would go out of her way to help others and even pass on news that I thought was not so important to other practitioners. She then became “famous” among practitioners. This moved my attachment to reputation. The first time it appeared was when this practitioner and others organized an experience sharing gathering. I went. At the time, when sitting in the group, I felt uneasy. I was very condescending and controlling. This had a negative effect on the experience sharing gathering. When I discovered this evil matter on myself. I was very sad, very sad. Carrying such evil matter, how could I turn into a compassionate being? I absolutely had to get rid of it. I studied Master's lecture to Australian practitioners, which inspired me greatly. It's not that people don't want me to do such and such, it's gods who are in charge, so I'll just earnestly cultivate. Master, if you see where I fit, I'll just do whatever I'm suited to do.
Another time when a practitioner called me to participate in an experience sharing gathering she had organized, I didn't even think but just kept saying, “I won't go, I won't go.” Then I hung up. I asked myself, “Why don't I go? It's jealousy, it's reputation, it's self. I must go. I must confront my human mindsets.” As that practitioner was talking, I felt quite uncomfortable, however I would not follow the human mindset. I did my best to remain calm and peaceful. As a cultivator and one who still had that evil matter on my body, the most I could do was just that. Afterwards, when again sitting in such a field, it wasn't just on the surface that I was calm and peaceful, but also from my inner heart. I was grateful for other practitioners and appreciated their diligence. They've burdened themselves with so many tasks within the Fa and have really made Master pleased.
I enlightened that reputation is just “self.” And that it is the origin of many human attachments. If as a Dafa disciple, even a brilliant Dafa disciple who has cultivated in the Fa-Rectification for over ten years, if he has not let go of self by the end, it's most likely that all his previous efforts were for naught. It is taking credit for what others have done, because, really, everything of ours comes from Master and Dafa.
How many beings, tangible and intangible, manipulate a human with the simple appearance of a flesh body? They manipulate and control people's lives. People just think that reputation, material interests, and sentimentality are all a part of one's life and that one can even die for them. Cultivators feel the pain of getting rid of these things. It's actually those possessing spirits that make you feel it's painful, attempting to make you give up passing through the test, thereby allowing them to continue living. Only if cultivators act according to the Fa, to the cosmos's true principles, in every situation, only then can Master peel them off layer by layer, allowing you to truly wake up. Master will then install the cultivation mechanism on your body. As you continually elevate in realm, numerous high level beings are evolved through the practice. This is an extremely precious aspect of the human body.
I often tell practitioners, “As long as I can cultivate to success, then any of you can cultivate to success.” This is because, when I'm with practitioners, I feel that I have more human notions than anyone else. For example, it as if other practitioners all own land with crops waiting to be harvested. But my land is just full of weeds, Master helps me to take them out one by one. I harvest a lot during the process. I feel I'm like a train full of rubbish. Master helps me to throw the rubbish out and fills it with jewels. I'm ashamed to face Master, because I often struggle passing tests. Once I basically overcame reputation, material gain, and sentimentality, I found that these things didn't even feel like barriers. I really understand the meaning of “care free.” I also discovered that the Fa's requirements are even higher. In my subconscious I find I often have intentions that don't conform to Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. I find those intentions to be selfish and bad. There is an even more microscopic fake me. For example, sometimes when I'm a little happy or a little unhappy, they are actually substituting for the true me. Originally the true me and the fake me were just one and the same. Right now, in this process of peeling them apart, the true me is calm and not easily moved. How to get rid of the fake me? I then discovered that at all times when my thoughts are in line with the Fa, then that's the real me in charge.
Although the most difficult days have already past, I know that on the path of cultivation I absolutely shouldn't relax. I should follow Master closely.