Lessons Learned After Walking on the Wrong Path
(Clearwisdom.net) Two years ago I was not strict in my cultivation and let my human notions control me. I gradually started to behave like an everyday person, and I did something I should not have done regarding the relationship between a man and a woman. I made a big mistake. After realizing I had made this mistake, I wanted to speak out about what I had done wrong. However, I did not have the determination to present my experience, and was also afraid that the Dafa website would not take my article if I wrote it. Therefore, I didn't write about this until today. After making this big decision, I found that it was "the folly delusion" (from Hong Yin Volume II) rather than me not wanting to face the truth.
I felt that I was usually diligent in my cultivation and did not know what caused me to slide backwards like this. However, I have summarized several reasons as follows:
My number one lesson learned is that studying the Fa in a group is very important. Master recently gave me hints suggesting that I should join a Fa-study group. If the environment allows us to study the Fa together, then we should be strict with ourselves on this issue. Otherwise if we don't study today and don't take it seriously, then we may more easily miss studying the Fa together more times in the future. If we act like this all the time, we may be inclined to no longer go to the group Fa-study.
My second lesson learned is to clean up our own minds before studying the Fa. In the past, I could never calm down to study the Fa. I used to use a computer for my work, so I always used the computer to read and study the Fa. While I was studying the Fa, I sometimes used the computer mouse to click on other things. This was a result of my attachments and other interference. Since my mind was not clean, I sometimes felt sleepy while studying the Fa. This was not respectful to Master or to the Fa. Without having a calm mind while studying the Fa, the Fa would not reveal itself to me. Studying the Fa like this every day was equivalent to studying nothing and I did not achieve good results.
My third lesson learned was to be careful with every single thought. I was not being strict with my thoughts and gradually the attachments got larger. I wasn't applying the Fa to my everyday problems. When I saw or heard that my fellow practitioners had some problems, I compared myself with them and felt that I wasn't doing poorly. That thought was already not in line with the Fa and was very dangerous! Normally when my righteous thoughts were strong, as soon as a bad thought flashed into my mind, it was eliminated immediately. But when I was not strict with myself, the attachments grew and occupied my mind little by little.
My fourth lesson learned is that I wasn't sending forth righteous thoughts at the appointed times. Before midnight I should have been sending forth righteous thoughts. But I thought this was too late and I didn't want to affect my wife's sleep. If my wife was not happy with my sending righteous thoughts, I quit doing it. At other times when I should have been sending forth righteous thoughts, if I was busy, I didn't do so, and the evil got the opportunity to sneak in.
Looking within myself for the causes of my mistake, I find that it was caused not only by my strong attachments of lust and desire, but also by my selfishness. I thought that since I had obtained the Fa, I would be safe and that I would not need to worry about anything. Therefore, I was taking my cultivation for granted. The notion of selfishness must be removed. If we don't pay attention to this issue and let it remain, sooner or later problems will show up - it is just a matter of time!
Once we step onto the wrong path, it is very hard to go back. When deviating from the Fa, it is very difficult to return, especially when committing big mistakes on the cultivation path. When I felt it was very hard and I was under such intense pressure, Master sent me hints that I should study the Fa more, and study the Fa well. My fall was very big and I lost the chance to make it up. We only have one chance to cultivate. If we relax and loose an inch today, tomorrow we will lose our righteous thoughts and we may not be able to fulfill our vows. If we don't do what Master requires of us, many sentient beings who would otherwise be saved will be destroyed. That would be a big regret for us and very hard to make up.
If any fellow practitioners have had similar situations, I hope you will speak out and make a decision to eliminate it and change yourself completely from now on. If any fellow practitioners are easing up on yourselves, please be on your guard. Other fellow practitioners witnessing this should remind them and help them.