Passing the Test of Life and Death by Studying the Fa with Another Practitioner
(Clearwisdom.net) I'm 73 years old this year. At age 42 I developed breast cancer that eventually metastasized to lung cancer when I was 60 years old. Doctors told me that it was terminal, and there was no way to cure it. The extreme pain and desperation and my strong desire to live led me to Dafa. Master has given me a second life.
Today I wish to mainly talk about how I passed the test of life and death with another practitioner's help and our mutual Fa study.
I had some words with my son the evening of March 8 this year. In bed at night, so many odd thoughts entered my mind that I couldn't fall asleep. The improper words with which my son contradicted me affected my thinking, making me angry and awake the whole night.
When I got up the next day I spit a mouthful of blood after a racking cough. At that moment I realized that I had not maintained my xinxing and felt regret. Then I tried to study the Fa and send righteous thoughts for seven days to get better; but it didn't work, and my coughing up blood [haemoptysis] became worse. Remembering these episodes from my lung cancer siege, and remembering the recent deaths of several practitioners due to illness, I was afraid and felt like I was in a dangerous situation again. If I died it would not only mean a loss to the whole of Dafa, but might also bring negative effects to Dafa. Everyone knew my lung cancer disappeared after practicing Falun Gong; and many people since admired my good health after I practiced cultivation. How would my death affect my family, friends and colleagues' praise and positive comments about Dafa?
Just then another practitioner called me, asking me to take a taxi to her home. As soon as I arrived she said smilingly, "Someone already told me of your current health problem. I would like to help you. First of all, don't give the evil that power; it is all an illusion. Master said, 'If thoughts are righteous, evil will collapse.' ("What's to Fear?" in Hong Yin II) Why not come to study the Fa with me every day?"
I had stayed at home for seven days. My haemoptysis became worse and worse, and I also coughed up phlegm. My nose ran after each violent cough and I cried. A Dafa disciple should not be in this condition. I was ashamed of myself, and worried of others being ashamed of me. The practitioner gave me an e-book and smiling, commented, "Let's study together." Her great compassion moved me, and also got me thinking that I would be saved; Master was saving me!
While studying the Fa, I continuously enlightened to Master's profound Fa principles, became gradually awakened and realized my attachments and notions. I found a basic problem that I hadn't resolved for so many years. While reading the Fa my confusions were eliminated one by one. I was like a fish in the sea of Fa. I kept on studying and swimming, and soon grew up within the Fa. When the other practitioner read the Fa lightly and peacefully I listened carefully, without thinking anything else. There was only Dafa in my mind. Whenever Master taught a Fa principle, Master always taught from different aspects and angles. The more I studied, the more I understood; the more I studied, the more I wanted to study. Every time we finished studying one lecture, a bit of my attachments were let go. I got rid of some bad things in my body, and I then felt a little better.
The practitioner asked me to understand the whole message rather than search word for word, like an intellectual. She told me to read the lectures through and to measure myself against the Fa. When we read something that reminded me I had not done well, she asked, "Have you truly cultivated here?" I said no. She mentioned she also had this problem and solved it in a certain way. When she found a serious problem she criticized me and pointed out that I was only taking from Dafa instead of returning to Dafa. She pointed out how I was attached to love for my son, and that I was so attached I had forgotten my prehistoric vows and forgotten about sentient beings in my heavenly world who were looking forward to my return to offer them salvation.
When we studied Essentials for Further Advancement and encountered short articles such as "What is Ren," "Realm" and "Cautionary Advice," we recited them as we studied. I deeply felt that what Master taught during the time of personal cultivation was not only for us to reach consummation, but also a necessary xinxing standard for Fa-rectification period Dafa disciples. I had not studied the Fa well in the past and hadn't achieved the Forbearance of a cultivator. I didn't consider all the hardships in conventional life as tests and couldn't overcome human notions. That is why I had made such a big mistake now.
When the practitioner helped me she shared every experience with me. "I have a very good relationship with my son and daughter. But your son and you often fight and become angry with each other. You always arrange things for your son according to your life and your habits. How could that work?"
Master said in Zhuan Falun,
"You are unable to interfere with the lives of others, and neither can you control others' fates, including those of your wife, sons, daughters, parents, or brothers. Can you decide those things?"
She continued, "Your son has his own fate; he has his own lifestyle and interests. But you often enforce your will on him as his parent. How could that work? It will be fine as long as he has righteous thoughts. Your son has already obtained the Fa. You should get rid of this attachment; he will change then. You are only in charge of cultivating yourself well. As long as you reach consummation, Master will arrange everything."
For so many years I couldn't get rid of the attachment to my son. I often worried how he could live if I left since he had no wife and children, no parents or brothers and sisters, and no fixed job. This attachment pressed on my mind like a huge stone and interfered with my cultivation. It made me unhappy and worried all the time, and made my health worse day by day. When studying the Fa on how to treat children, the practitioner asked me to read this section again and again. Master's profound Fa principles opened my mind. In the future I will not enforce my will on my son; it is unfair to him.
Studying the Fa for 45 days, we read through all of Master's teachings once. It completely changed my mind. When we studied the fifth lecture of Zhuan Falun, my haemoptysis occurred less frequently and disappeared when we studied for ten more days.
I recovered fully, and my body became light. I deeply realized that a true disciple must study the Fa more and let himself or herself meld with the Fa and upgrade xinxing.
I thank the Minghui website and compassionate Master for saving my life and thank the other practitioner for her sincere help. I will study the Fa more, study the Fa well, do the three things and offer more sentient beings salvation, to fulfill my prehistoric vows.
I hope fellow practitioners will kindly point out whatever is improper.