Always Remembering That I am a Cultivator
(Clearwisdom.net) I began practicing Falun Gong in 1996. For a long time, I had issues with my wife, who is also a practitioner. I found fault with her all the time and she seemed to have so many problems. I almost wanted to separate from her or even divorce her.
On Falun Dafa Day in May 2007, I got up to burn incense for Teacher and could not face him. I asked myself, "Am I a cultivator if I continue to be like this?
Teacher's article "Cultivators' Avoidances " in Essentials for Further Advancement flashed in my mind:
"Those who are attached to lust are no different from wicked people. While reciting the scriptures, they even cast furtive glances; they are far from the Dao and are wicked, everyday people."
I was shocked, because I was still an evil ordinary person after having cultivated for so many years. I was very ashamed of myself. How could I fulfill my prehistoric vows? I felt that my current state of mind was very dangerous. So I decided to study the Fa more and with a calm mind. Every day, I made sure that I spent 4-5 hours studying the Fa and I also organized a family study group in our place. So far, I have recited Zhuan Falun twice, as well as some of the short articles. I have memorized Hong Yin and while I was doing household chores, I recited the poems. As a result, my xinxing and my realm have elevated.
I realized that in order to be a true cultivator, I must truly improve myself. That means that I have to change myself fundamentally. Whenever there is a conflict between myself and my wife, I have to look at myself and eliminate my attachments. I cannot just pay lip service. In the past, I acted like a flashlight and was shining on my wife in order to see her omissions. Since I started to look at myself, I was surprised to recognize that it was me who had those problems. I noticed that the fundamental reason for our conflicts was my attachment to lust. Didn't I want to have a life and emotions, which occur between a husband and wife, who are non-practitioners? Then wasn't I just like an ordinary person? The old forces enlarged my attachments. I only thought about myself and felt that I was not treated fairly and therefore suffered, with no regard for other people. This is departing from the altruism and selflessness that Teacher requires of us.
I have decided to remember that I am a cultivator and a disciple during this Fa-rectification period, and to uproot my selfishness and eliminate it. As soon as I enlightened to this, I felt a great amount of energy surging throughout my body and my filthy attachments to lust left me. My body felt light and great. I realized that Teacher saw my determination to eliminate this and took it away in another dimension. In the past, I was competitive, unfair, depressed and unhappy. I fought with my wife over small stuff and couldn't tolerate anything. I could not even live peacefully in my home, much less being diligent in the Fa. Now, I have become a different person. I can feel the harmony; whether we are doing household chores or truth clarification work together. We now help and support each other. Just as Teacher said,
"When both of you are cultivators you should each be considerate of one another, and with that how could you talk about divorce? Marriage should be something unbreakable." ("Teaching the Fa at the Meeting with Asia-Pacific Students")