Looking Inward and Benefiting from Group Fa-study
(Clearwisdom.net) Practitioners can share their cultivation experiences and learn from each other by participating in group Fa study. Group study taught me how to look inward and search for and eliminate my attachments.
"There is another issue. Remember that you do your cultivation in ordinary human society. All along you haven't done well dealing with the issue of having family members who don't cultivate. The expression that I used earlier holds true here, too--a three-foot block of ice doesn't form overnight. After you fail to handle things well at first, the resentment starts to pile up until it grows serious, and it will become, over time, a rift that seems completely irreconcilable." ("Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan" in 2006)
Studying the above paragraph made me realize that I had the same problem. Because I did not cultivate well, my non-practitioner husband did not support my practice of Falun Dafa. He often made sarcastic remarks and sometimes cursed Falun Dafa and Master. I attempted to explain the real facts to him. He not only refused to listen, but also cursed me. I was hurt and felt bad and helpless that he made me suffer.
A few days ago while sending righteous thoughts in another room, he walked in and shouted "Why are you doing that again? I am thirsty and need drinking water." I did not say much and mentioned that hot water was stored in two thermos bottles." I felt wronged and thought he had no right to accuse me since there was hot water in the thermos. As a practitioner I remained calm and did not argue with him and tried to be careful at home to avoid conflict.
I brought up this event during Fa study and asked for help. One practitioner told me that I still wasn't forbearing enough. She shared how she practiced forbearance when her son and daughter-in-law unreasonably yelled at her. I told her they had no right to disrespect their parents. She smiled and said, "You have to forbear without anger." I did not see any anger, but rather compassion when she recounted her experience. Another practitioner reminded me to study Master's article "What is Forbearance (Ren)?" in Essentials for Further Advancement.
Judged by Dafa principles, how did I do before? I tried to suppress my anger to avoid further escalation, but felt wronged. I still used my human mindset to deal with the conflict and did not have compassion and the forbearance Master requires of us.
Master also said,
"What this means is, nothing that you come across as you go about saving sentient beings and validating the Fa is coincidental. Nothing is that simple, be it something seemingly minor, what thoughts someone has, or the wide array of people and things that you run into when you are clarifying the truth. But, it's only acceptable when you go about things with compassion in your heart. Don't be bothered when people have a certain attitude or misunderstandings. When you act just to save the person, to save sentient beings, then I think the impact of that can change everything." ("Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan" in 2006)
I discovered my problem through group study and experience sharing. As a practitioner I should think compassionately of others first. Regarding the hot water incident, I recalled that my husband had arrived home after a day of work. He was tired, thirsty, and hot and wanted cold water. How could I have expected him to drink hot water from the thermos on such a hot day? Sometimes he scolded me, and I scolded back. I should not have treated him like that and should have apologized to him, but I did not have a chance to speak with him. When I finished sending righteous thoughts and walked into the room, I was shocked by what I saw. My husband was making steamed bread, cleaning up the dishes, and talking to me in a soft voice full of warmth, which was unheard of before. Master said, "Cultivation depends on one's own efforts, while the transformation of gong is done by one's master." (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun, Translation Version 2000)
I was able to locate my combative mentality and lack of kindness. Master eliminated bad elements from me. I saw the change in my husband, too. Everything that happens in my cultivation environment is determined by my thoughts. Ever since, my husband and I have been more calm and respectful of each other. I thank Master and am grateful to my fellow practitioners.