The Innocent and the Cunning
When I heard about conflicts between practitioners, I couldn't believe it. I worked very well with fellow practitioners, and was innocent, open and sincere in our interactions. I said, "As practitioners, why can't they open their hearts and exchange their opinions?" I often said, "Let us look for the good in every practitioner." As long as I was able to find the good part in a practitioner I would not be upset. I did not have conflicts with any practitioners, and looked inward whenever a conflict arose. I was happy every day.
My environment soon changed. It seemed that things had turned upside down. A fellow practitioner became disgruntled with me over a small matter and rumors began to emerge. This affected our Dafa work and as a result, we had to start a Dafa-related project over from scratch. This was difficult, as I did not know where to start or what to do, because it had always been arranged by the coordinator and we just participated. My personal life also became disorderly and emotions seemed to burst at the seams. I began looking at things with a human heart instead of from the basis of the Fa. I also became weary of a certain practitioner, who kept harassing me. The situation became very complicated.
"...what I hope is that after taking a fall, you will all learn something good from it. Don't always take away bad things from your experiences. When you learn bad things, you are in fact using human thinking to consider things, and becoming more cunning, and sly, which means you are becoming worse."
("Fa Teaching Given at the 2010 New York Fa Conference)
I had taken away bad things from my experiences. For several months, whenever I thought a practitioner was not being honest with me, I learned to be cautious. Whenever a practitioner was arrested, I also learned to avoid the problem. I was not like I used to be, and didn't do the things I should have done. Instead I felt that I had learned to be "smart."
Master saw my thoughts and arranged for practitioners to show me see my shortcoming. Over several months, it seemed that I had been starting several Dafa projects and doing well. When I read Master's Fa, I was deeply shaken. I realized that I had sentimentality towards practitioners. I had the attachment of relying on others, and harbored resentment. I felt that I had done so well, but why did fellow practitioners still behave that way towards me?
"...true improvements come from letting go, not from gaining." (Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.)
"In other words, what you lose is something bad. Thus, you can return to your original, true self. So what do you gain? The improvement of your level; eventually you achieve Right Fruit and complete cultivation, solving the fundamental issue." (Zhuan Falun)
Once I realized this, I was able to let go of my attachment and calm down. I am now able to reach tranquility again and my realm of thought has improved.
I will try my best to open my heart to fellow practitioners, focus on their good side and not on their shortcomings. I will no longer blame others. I will do well, amend my ways and strive to be a true practitioner.