(Clearwisdom.net) One May morning, the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) authorities arrested me because I am a Falun Gong practitioner. I realized that because my attachments were not eliminated, evil factors had used these loopholes as an excuse to obstruct my efforts to save sentient beings.
I was faced with a very aggressive official who shouted, "We'll torture you until you die! We'll sentence you to prison!" I kept calm and sincerely asked Teacher in my heart to strengthen me. I knew that I must do the three things well as a Fa-rectification period practitioner and walk well on my path of validating the Fa. Through Teacher's merciful protection, I was released after 14 days.
I remember our Teacher said in "Teaching the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference:"
"An article published on the Minghui website described a student who told people the facts about Dafa and shouted 'Dafa is good' wherever she went.'No matter where they take me, I'll ignore everything the vicious policemen say, and no matter how violently you beat me or how terribly you swear at me, I'll remain just as I am.' The labor camp was so scared that they sent her back in hurry--'We don't want her.' It's because they figured, 'We won't be able to convert her, and on top of that she'll influence a large number of people.' (People laugh) And they won't be able to get a bonus, either. (Applause) They had no way to handle it--where could the local police station put her? They had no way to handle it, so they sent her home."
Before I studied that lecture, I could not understand why practitioners shouted, "Dafa is good!" After the CCP began the suppression of Falun Gong, I validated the Fa and clarified the facts. When I went to Tiananmen Square to appeal for justice for Falun Gong, I did not shout that Dafa is good. I looked inward and found my human notions, such as my concern for saving face and the fear of being persecuted. Suddenly Teacher's words came to mind:
"It is a xinxing issue if you do not help stop a murder or arson when you see it. How will you otherwise demonstrate that you are a good person? If you do not help stop a murder or arson, what would you get involved with?" (Zhuan Falun)
In general, we don't shout on the street or public areas. However, when encountering violent criminals, almost everyone would shout for help. It is similar to when evil people persecute practitioners, attack Falun Dafa, and poison people's minds. Then we should try our best to expose the evil to the public. If we were to keep silent in such circumstances, it would be a Xinxing issue. Suddenly I wanted to shout "Falun Dafa is good!" just like Teacher said in the lecture. I wanted everyone to hear it. I thought this was a very positive way to stun the evil and let more sentient beings understand the truth.
On the way to the police station I shouted: "Falun Dafa is good!" At that moment I felt all the cells in my entire body vibrate. I cried out from the depths of my soul. It suddenly became very quiet around me. Many people started looking at us, and the police officers were silent. I was not beaten or laughed at.
When we arrived at the police station, they talked to me on a one-to-one basis to prevent me from shouting. Although I was monitored all the time, I clarified the truth to almost everyone and helped them withdraw from the CCP. I helped seven or eight people to withdraw from the CCP at that time.
The officers intended to transfer me to a detention center. They took me to a hospital for an examination. There I shouted, "Falun Dafa is good!" and clarified the truth to people without holding back. As a result, the officers' faces turned red and they said in low voices, "I am too embarrassed to be here!" Soon after, we left the hospital.
During the few hours at the police station, I held very strong righteous thoughts, but I feared that they knew my name and so I might not be released. Because this thought acknowledged the persecution, I was held in the police station. Although the officers understood some of the truth and felt ashamed for being involved in this persecution, I was transferred to a detention center that night.
Negating Being in a Detention Center
After arriving at the detention center, the warden ordered me to take off my clothes for an examination, but I refused. I looked at the clock on the wall. It was 3:50 a.m. I started to do the excises. The warden was very angry and hit my hands. I pointed to the clock and smiled, "It is time for me to do the exercises," and simply continued. She sighed and stopped preventing me from doing them. Later, I had a chat with her. I told her about the benefits I had derived from practicing Falun Gong. She has not withdrawn from the CCP yet, but she was moved deeply by my stories and after that she did not take part in harassing me.
Almost everyone in the detention center knew that I was a practitioner and had heard the stories I told the warden. Afterwards, I was not prevented from doing the exercises and sending forth righteous thoughts, clarifying the truth, and helping people withdraw from the CCP. No one attempted to stop me.
At that time I had very strong righteous thoughts. I am a practitioner, not a criminal. It doesn't matter where I am, I will do the three things well and no one can stop me. I refused to cooperate and didn't let them take my photo, submit to blood tests, wear prison clothing, write a report, read the prison regulations, or answer questions. Instead I always recalled the Fa, sent forth righteous thoughts, and looked inward. I regretted that I did not study the Fa diligently before and could not remember more of Teacher's lectures. I could only recall a few at the time, including Lunyu, "Don't Be Sad" (Hong Yin II), "The Master Disciple Bond" (Hong Yin II). Even so, I felt strengthened and enlightened when I could recite the Fa that I had memorized. By doing this, my mind did not hold any other human notions. Occasionally when I held an attachment, such as the human emotions of joy, disappointment, or depression, I was able to eliminate them very quickly, just as Teacher said in Hong Yin:
"Washing away all wrong thought,
Buddhahood, with less adversity, is wrought." ("Nothing Kept")
I felt that I had merged into the Fa.
I took every opportunity to clarify the truth about Falun Gong. I also helped people withdraw from the CCP, not just those in the same ward, but also the guards, doctors and nurses, and people from other wards. When I was walking in the corridors I shouted "Falun Dafa is good!" "There is nothing wrong with having a belief!" "Stop the persecution of Falun Gong!" Later, many practitioners in the detention center shouted with me.
Some prisoners who did not understand at the beginning were finally affected. My voice became their hope for their future. They said to me, "You are the best. Your voice is beautiful when you shout. We all really like to hear your voice!" The warden said, "She shouts the same words everyday tirelessly. I cannot stand it anymore. Since she came here I don't want to be here, I feel headaches coming on when I hear her."
Finding Human Notions
Before being persecuted I always had many human notions. When I recall them, I realize that I was planning how to resist the persecution with many human attachments. As a result, the more human attachments I had, the more severely I was persecuted. I think the reason for this was that I did not understand how to save sentient beings and how to reconcile my being a practitioner with the expectations of society. We all understand that, when saving sentient beings, we should keep calm and rational, and meet Teacher and the Fa's requirements. We should understand the universal principles as well as the principles of society. If we are being persecuted, it would certainly mean that CCP has acted against the great universal principles. However, because I still had fear, I had not left the CCP's ideologies behind. I could not completely resist and negate the persecution. Therefore I only argued, "This is not what I did" or I refused to confess and sign. They then found an excuse to persecute me more and more cruelly. Every time I think of this, I feel ashamed.
This time I did not feel any hesitation. Instead, my heart was filled with righteous thoughts. I knew that I was right. All these will be testimonies of a practitioner's mercy and mighty virtue. The guard was thinking aloud, "You would not say anything, would you?" Then she hastily wrote a few words. One warden questioned me, "Who usually contacts you?" Then she stopped questioning me further. My environment became pure. I was simply doing the three things a practitioner should do.
I know our Teacher is always beside me, protecting me. Although I was in the detention center, I felt an incomparable happiness in my heart.
Every time I sent forth righteous thoughts, I would always eradicate the 610 Office. But I did not really think about my attitude. I did not realize that I also had acknowledged this evil organization in my mind. Until five or six days after having arrived in the detention center, when sending forth righteous thoughts, I felt I had eliminated the most evil factors in my dimension. However, I could not understand why I was not released. Suddenly, the words "610 Office" appeared in my mind, and I knew Teacher had given me a hint. Looking inward I found my attachments of lust, seeking happiness, and vanity.
I remembered that when I returned to the cell that day, someone had asked me who was there. I said that it was people from the 610 Office. A lot of people had never heard of the 610 Office. I told them that the 610 Office is an agency specifically created to persecute Falun Gong, with absolute power over all other political and judiciary systems. I realized that my answer contained a fearful point of view. I felt good when I shouted, "Dafa is good!" Because of my shouts, people from the 610 Office came to me. In fact, my thoughts had acknowledged its existence and used its appearance to satisfy my own vanity!
I also had the attachment of fear. The 610 Office was especially created to persecute Falun Gong, so there is no reason for it to exist. However, in my heart I fear them, and this gave them power over me.
After I found my attachments, I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate them and soon after I felt my own dimension become purer. I saw in front of me, just like in special effects scenes in a movie on television, words spun out quickly with several large, brush-written Chinese characters, "Taking part in validating the Fa!"
Omission in Negating the Old Forces' Arrangements
After I arrived in the detention center, I did not intend to go on a hunger strike. Then, I could not decide if I should go on a hunger strike.
What I did was supported by most people. However, some people could not understand me. Some people said practitioners don't have to eat, while others said that it is not worth it, as it would harm me. I explained, "I am persecuted because of my belief. Therefore, I do whatever is possible to protest this persecution. I refused to eat, just like I refused to be photographed, to wear the prison uniform, to answer roll call, or to memorize the prison regulations. I do that because I just want to tell them that I should not be detained here." After hearing me, some people began to support me. They respected me and looked after me. In their hearts, they hoped that I would be released unconditionally. However, they worried about my health and also feared that, if I really had any problems, I would implicate them.
Three days later, I was brutally force-fed. Witnessing this, some thought that it must be very painful. Blood ran out of my nose, and my face and clothes were covered with blood. I became "the dauntless man" in their eyes, "the hero." Many of them looked at me with tears in their eyes. However, they did not know that my pain was not as bad as it looked. Teacher took on too much for me.
I protested being forced-fed repeatedly. I also did not cooperate. The guards had headaches because of me. Every time they started to force-feed me, five or six people were involved. Everyone in the detention center could hear me shouting, "Stop force-feeding me! Evil deeds bring karmic retribution!" More than seven people held my arms and legs to stop me from moving. Every two or three days more than ten guards took me to the detention center clinic for a general physical check-up. I heard guards, doctors, and nurses saying, "I almost lost my nerve."
I knew that they were becoming more and more fearful. During my hunger strike, however, I discovered that I had a very serious attachment. When they took my blood pressure and heart rate, I wished they would find something unusual. When I heard that my blood pressure was normal, I was disappointed because my hunger strike had no effect on my health. I searched inward and found that I was pursuing a deterioration in my health, or I asked Teacher for deteriorating physical symptoms. In fact, I acknowledged the injury to my body. Because of my thoughts, I actually allowed them to harm my body. I started to tell myself, "I am innocent and I should be released even if all the tests turned out normal." I no longer paid attention to my blood pressure. I kept searching inward with righteous thoughts and righteous actions and denied the persecution.
Reaching a Higher Level of Understanding
By day 14, the authorities were very frightened. They asked my family to take me home. The minute I returned home, my health was fine, but I was afraid to go out. I did not want them to see that I had recovered because they might persecute me again. I asked myself, how could I escape? Rationally, I understood that I was released because of my righteous thoughts. However, in my subconsciousness, I felt I was released because of my hunger strike. A hunger strike would put my life in danger. Guards in the detention center were afraid to take responsibility for my death and therefore they released me. I realized this thought was not correct. Actually, evil beings do not pay attention to human life. Instead, they are jealous of practitioners. They attempt to destroy practitioners' will and persecute the practitioners' physical body. They really want to destroy the practitioners. What makes them truly afraid are practitioners' righteous thoughts denying their existence! I was released not because I went on a hunger strike, but because of Teacher's compassionate protection. My righteous thoughts and actions met the Fa's requirements and negated the old forces, and practitioners on the outside made great efforts with righteous thoughts to rescue me.
After I found my attachments, I felt very relaxed and eliminated them. Everyday I do the three things as a practitioner and nobody interferes with me.
After diligent Fa study, I understand now that, although it showed I had rejected the persecution, a hunger strike is not the most positive way to resist the persecution and validate the Fa. It doesn't meet the Fa's requirements, does not conform to everyday people's way of doing things, and is not understood by everyday people. It is a negative mentality and an extreme type of self-torture. It makes practitioners suffer and hurts practitioners' precious bodies. One may recover by doing the exercises, but in fact one recovers because of Teacher's compassion.
Why did I choose a hunger strike to resist the evil persecution? I looked inward and discovered that it was because I did not reject the old forces completely and my righteous thoughts were not strong enough. Also, I still had a strong competitive mentality and the hope to be released. Meanwhile, I found I did not take care of my physical body. I wanted to have a good figure and so I dieted. I also had not given up lust. I did not eliminate my love for food, and sometimes I overate or had no food. My irregular diet caused damage to my body. This also does not conform to everyday people's way of life.
When validating the Fa, we should walk righteously on the cultivation path because it is to be left for the future. We should treasure our bodies because they are related to our own universe. The evil tortures and persecutes our bodies. We cannot cause self-injury or lose our bodies. If we can completely let go of ourselves and death, we will walk out of the evil's lair under Teacher's protection, because we hold a positive attitude to validate the Fa.
After going home, at the beginning I thought that I was still in a good condition. However, in time, my attachments to comfort and human sentiment emerged. It was not like those 14 days when my every thought was on the Fa. As I wrote this article, I discovered my attachments and impure thoughts. This alerted me, and I eliminated them by sending forth righteous thoughts. Actually, I think one becomes less diligent because one acknowledges the persecution. This also gives the evil factors an excuse to persecute us. Therefore, we should remind ourselves that we are practitioners. We should meet Teacher's and the Fa's requirements, cultivate diligently, improve ourselves in the Fa and not improve ourselves through the persecution.
If anything is not within the Fa, please compassionately point it out.
