Growing Up in Dafa
(Clearwisdom.net) Greetings to Master! Greetings to the fellow practitioners of the whole world!
I am honored to have the opportunity to attend the Sixth Internet Experience Sharing Conference for Practitioners in China. After reading the articles so far on the Minghui/Clearwisdom website, the experiences that fellow practitioners have shared with such sincerity and reverence moved me deeply. I sensed that everyone's words reflected his or her realm and cultivation status, and such information also influences the readers. The sharing articles written with a pure mind can have a good effect on the readers and can contribute to the purpose of the experience-sharing conference. Therefore, before I wrote this sharing article, I got rid of any impure thoughts in my mind in order to attend the sacred conference with as pure a mentality as possible.
A Never-Forgotten Moment
In July of 1998, I followed my parents and started practicing Falun Gong. It seemed very natural that I obtained the Fa. However, at that time I did not really read the Fa and did not do the exercises very often. When I did the exercises, I did them like a task that my parents supervised. Despite this, Master still protected me. One experience left me with a deep impression. One day on a busy street, a three-wheel motorcycle ran over my feet. However, I did not feel any pain, and I was not injured; I only felt something roll over my feet.
I am fond of remembering the days before July 20, 1999, although at the time I did not know to treasure them. During that time, there were several practice sites and several group Fa study sites in the city for everybody to read the Fa and do the exercises together. The locations for Fa study and exercises were provided by warmhearted practitioners and assistants. At times, the volunteer assistants used their own money to rent locations for everyone to watch the videotapes of Master's Fa lectures and exercise instruction. Some practitioners voluntarily came early and left late to clean up the locations. Sometimes they rented big theaters, and people from neighboring towns also came to watch the videotapes. In those situations, the local practitioners left the front seats for practitioners from the neighboring towns; they were kindhearted in that way.
There was a morning group practice every month that was quite large. I only participated several times, and then the persecution started. At the last large-scale group practice, practitioners from neighboring towns also came--more then 1000 practitioners attended. The scene was not chaotic, and no one spoke loudly. After arriving at the site, we all found our positions by ourselves and naturally formed rows in straight lines.
At that time, I did not have much of a feeling about this event. Later, when compared to what I saw at school activities, where the teachers shouted with rage for not being able to make students stand in lines, I realized that for more than 1000 people (including children and older people in their 60s or 70s, housewives with no formal education, and farmers) to form straight, neat rows without rehearsing and under the coordination of only several organizers can only be achieved if everyone wants to do it from the heart. The event was quite magnificent, and many passersby stopped to watch; the scene remains clear in my mind.
Later when going through the cruel persecution, such unforgettable memories made me realize that I should treasure the predestined relations among practitioners.
I still remember that it was a Sunday evening when I went to the group practice site for the last time. The light was dim, and fewer people came. Because of several interruptions by different people, we were not able to finish the exercises, and everyone went home. Now I recall that it was the evening of July 20, 1999. For several evenings afterwards, my father shook his head while watching the TV. I did not know what had happened and only remembered my father told me seriously that, no matter what happened, we must believe Falun Dafa is good.
Growing Up amidst Hardship and Difficulties
I remember that one day, out of the blue, my father told me that he wanted to go out of town, and he taught me how to cook. My mother was not home during the daytime then, so that was the first time I cooked for myself. I remember that my father also told me a lot things, but I cannot remember the details. I also do not remember how many days he was away. However, I remember that after he came back, our home was no longer peaceful. People in uniforms kept coming to harass us. Very often they came in big groups, and they started searching and throwing things around as soon as they got in. Some of them gathered around my father; they placed pens and paper on the table and tried to push my father to sign something. They tried all kinds of tricks. I then learned that my father had gone to Beijing to appeal for Falun Gong. I also gradually learned how ridiculous it is that the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) does not allow people to believe in Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance in China. The CCP wants practitioners to guarantee that they will not practice Falun Gong, not go to Beijing, and not listen to their conscience.
At that time what I heard the most was, "We don't want to be bothered with those who beat, smash, and loot. Now, practicing Falun Gong is the number one [offense]. If there are Falun Gong practitioners going to appeal from here, we will not be able to keep our jobs." At that time we did not understand that this unreasonable persecution should not be acknowledged. However, my father never wavered in his belief, regardless of how great the pressure was; he did not sign even one character. I did not understand very much then, but I felt that my father was right.
In those days, we were very sensitive to the sound of our doorbell. As soon as we heard the sound of the bell, the first thing we did was to hide our Dafa books, the exercise music tapes, and Master's pictures. Sometimes we were awakened by the sound of the doorbell over and over in the middle of the night. That lasted until my father was arrested at a fellow practitioner's home. He was accused of "disrupting the social order" and sent to a forced labor camp. After that it was peaceful at home again, but there were also difficulties. I hated those in uniforms. When I saw the police vehicles or CCP officials in uniforms, I hated them and stared at them with my teeth clenched.
At that time I had to discontinue attending school. Because I was very young and could not find an appropriate job, I stayed at home and read the Fa. At the beginning there were characters I did not know, so I had to use a dictionary. However, this did not affect my understanding of the Fa. Through learning the Fa, my capacities increased, and my thoughts were indescribably broadened. The hate in my mind was also gradually dissolved.
I gradually understood what was occurring, and I came to understand that those "law enforcement officers" who follow the CCP's orders are the most pitiful of people! Everybody in this world came for the Fa, and they probably suffered a lot in their past lives just to come to obtain the Fa today. However, some of them have acted adversely, and some of them have become lost in this illusive world. They blindly believed the rumors without really thinking about it. They were hostile toward Dafa and had forgotten their original purpose for coming to this world. Every time I thought about this, I was anxious for those people who still did not know the truth. I tried my best to tell people the truth.
In the previous two years, when the evil was the most desperate, truth-clarification materials were in short supply in our local area. I heard that those materials we had were printed in photocopy shops. Many photocopy shops dared not print the materials for us. Those who dared to charged very high prices to do it. My mother usually did not tell me much about the source of these materials; she probably thought we children would be unable to cultivate our speech well. We also did not ask anything about what fellow practitioners were specifically doing. We just went out to distribute the truth-clarification materials every day.
At that time we only had one-page fliers. Sometimes we also made our own small posters. We found some yellow paper and put a sample copy underneath it. With a brush pen we sincerely traced the characters. At times, fellow practitioners also brought some printed posters. Occasionally, there were colorful posters printed with "Falun Dafa Is Spreading All over the World." At those times, we were very excited.
My mother had more of a mentality of fear, probably because adults had more ordinary notions. She always worried every time we were going out, and she spoke to us again and again about how to hand out the fliers, how to place a poster, and how to do it safely. However, when we were out, all we thought about was how to make the materials visible to more people. Therefore we chose the main crossroads, bus stations, and the posting boards at the police stations. When distributing materials, with a thought towards avoiding duplication of efforts with other fellow practitioners, we went to places further away and more remote, or we found some residential areas that seemed more luxurious with tighter security.
Before we gave out the materials, we typically read them first. We often received some material intended for CCP personnel, and we did not fully understand why fellow practitioners printed so many materials that were not for the general population. We later realized that it was not accidental that we received these materials. We took these materials to the residential areas of people who worked for the CCP organization.
During that time we encountered different situations. For example, after we followed behind people who entered through an electronically controlled door, we could not get back out (some electronically controlled doors also require the key to open it from inside). However, when this happened, there was always someone who came to open the door. I never talked about these situations to my mother. At that time my mother carried the heavy load of the whole family, and we did not want her to worry. Our parents did not ask us to do anything. The same was true for many fellow practitioners; we did so because every one of us wanted to tell the truth to more people from the bottom of our hearts.
During those years, my family was very poor and deep in debt. Our family was in strained circumstances. However, we lived our lives with a substantial mind--Master's Fa opened our long dust-laden memory and protected us at all times. We sometimes walked in the dark on the road to distribute materials, and there were times when we were not quite able to recognize the road. However, we were never afraid of getting lost because we firmly believed that, regardless of where we went, we would be able to get home. We firmly believed that Master was next to us.
In the past several years we walked through main streets and small alleys, and we sometimes rode bicycles to the countryside. We became really familiar with roads to neighboring villages. My small bicycle was replaced with a big bicycle; I was growing up and no longer a little girl. At the beginning I needed someone to keep me company, but now I often go by myself to places to deliver the materials. I can obviously feel that, along with the progress of Fa-rectification, the environment has improved a lot and the authorities already dare not come to harass us anymore. My family situation has also improved. The debt which looked very big has been miraculously paid off, and we have been able to support the expenses of a materials center by ourselves. We can now make different booklets, truth-clarification CDs, and print the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party.
I came to understand through my experience that, as long as we follow Master's teachings, there is no barrier that we cannot overcome. Master has arranged paths for us according to each person's capacity and situation. We know that the current, relaxed environment is not for us to enjoy an ordinary person's life, and our family life is still very simple. But we use the best materials, including machines, ink, paper, CDs, etc., for making materials.
I did not have contact with many practitioners. However, fellow practitioners delivered the Minghui Weekly, and I read every issue carefully. Fellow practitioners' diligence helped me to see my insufficiencies. I kept reminding myself that, regardless of the age of a practitioner, the standard for cultivation is the same. The pure universe does not admit even one particle that does not meet the standard.
For the last year or more, since I could get on the Internet, I have read experience sharing articles on the Minghui website every day. I feel that I have improved a lot. Here, I also recommend that all practitioners that can get on the Internet should read the Minghui website. Or at least have the wish to read the Minghui website, as some fellow practitioners have said. I had this wish before, but at that time I was not serious about it, because I thought the possibility was too remote. However, this wish "very accidentally" came true.
Discard the Feeling of Inferiority
I sometimes thought about what my cultivation path would have been like if this persecution did not occur. My parents pay a lot attention to knowledge and education. Perhaps I would have been able to complete my education, and I would at least have a college degree. However, the persecution did occur, and I discontinued my schooling. In society with an abundance of capable people, I felt somewhat inferior. In my work, I sometimes felt that I was looked down upon. When I first started to work, I especially wanted to work hard in order to make up for my lack of skills. I worked diligently. However, what actually happened was often the opposite of my expectations. The more I wanted to do things right, the more mistakes I made, and I felt that I was looked down upon more.
When I saw that some capable fellow practitioners were the backbones of their projects, thoughts like these would pop into my mind: "Why did Master choose me, someone with no capabilities?" When I was depressed, I felt that I was just like a grain of sand, not worthy of mention, and that I was dispensable in the vast universe. The reason I had such a thought was because I had not been able to learn the Fa well. Master said, "In the eyes of Gods, it's not that large beings are precious and small beings aren't." ("Teaching and Explaining the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference," April, 2003) Currently, the majority of the people in this world represent huge systems. A person with a very low social status may have a very significant origin. The lives who have obtained the Fa are envied by all the lives in the universe. Why should I worry about what it looks like in this world? If a very common person or even a person with very low social status or a very clumsy person can cultivate well, then the thing itself is validating Dafa!
After I continued looking within and more deeply, I found that I had an attachment to fame and wanted to be better than others. I was pursuing fame, and I wanted others to respect me. I paid too much attention to myself. Actually, when I held up the Fa in my mind and only paid attention to doing things well (instead of paying attention to what others thought about me), I would do the things well, and I would get admiration from the person I was in contact with. Regarding those I thought had looked down upon me, I treated them with a sincere mind. I then found that the situation was not as I had thought; it was all because of my thinking.
Looking back at my cultivation path, many feelings I experienced have scattered and dispersed, and it is not worthwhile to think them over. However, experiences of Master's protection have re-appeared in front of my eyes. When I wanted to share one or two of these specific experiences, I found that I did not know where to start. All of that can only be communicated by understanding, not by words.
During my cultivation, I was sometimes confused, lethargic, and depressed. I was not able to do as Master said,
"That is why it's said that always cultivating as if you were just starting will surely result in achieving your ultimate rank." ("Fa Teaching at the 2009 Greater New York International Fa Conference" June, 2009)
Especially now, with the situation getting easier in various aspects, I have started to have the mentality of pursuing comfort and ease without knowing it. Through learning Master's recent lectures, I found many of my insufficiencies and found that I was too far away from what Master requests. Master has been hoping that Dafa disciples become mature quickly!
I remember that, when the persecution first started, my brother saw with his celestial eye that tears ran down Master's face. I still do not totally understand the meaning of what he saw, and I am not able to know how much effort Master has made for us. All I know is that, as disciples, we have no way to pay back what Master has done for us! All I can do is to cultivate diligently.
I sincerely thank Master for His merciful salvation!
Thanks to fellow practitioners for their continuous help! Thanks for the sharing articles written by fellow practitioners all over the world, whom I have never met. These articles helped me greatly during those difficult days. Thanks to the effort by fellow practitioners who run the Minghui website!
Let us seek to diligently cultivate together with all fellow practitioners!
October 17, 2009