My Cultivation Experience as a New Practitioner
Greetings, revered Master!
Greetings fellow practitioners!
After reading many of the cultivation experience sharing articles on the Minghui website, I had the urge to share mine, too. But thinking that I was a new practitioner, I stopped. I finally decided to write a report for Teacher and share with my fellow practitioners at this sixth annual Fa conference. Please kindly correct me for anything inappropriate.
1. Led to the path of cultivation
I learned about Falun Dafa in May 2007. The colitis and sciatica I suffered were cleared up after I became a practitioner; these illnesses had cost me a lot financially and caused a tremendous amount of pain. The day before I was scheduled for a diagnostic exam at the city hospital, my mother, who is a practitioner, told me to recite, "Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good" or "Please help me, Master Li" when in danger, and then I would be safe. I kept my mother's words in mind even though I didn't quite believe it.
I almost died during the colon exam in the city hospital. The pain was enormous, much more than I could bear. At some point I felt my body floating up and my mind blank. I had the thought, "This is how people die." I remember thinking to myself, "I cannot die. I am so young, and I have a husband and a son. I must live on." With that thought, I called out in my mind, "Master Li, please save me. I want to live and I am not ready to die. Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good." Slowly, I woke up.
After the physical, I could not stand up straight due to the pain. My brother helped me back to my mother's home. I was fearful that the illness would take my life away at any moment, and the extreme abdominal pain caused me to constantly roll around in bed. I pleaded to my mother to help stop the pain, "Mom, please stop the pain. I will do anything as long as the pain stops." Mom said, with tears in her eyes, "The only way I know to avoid suffering is to cultivate in Falun Dafa." My mother, who has been a practitioner for many years, gave me the book Zhuan Falun and I commenced on the road of cultivation.
My mother had shown me Zhuan Falun many years ago, and I had tried to read it many times, but gave up just as many times. My husband had threatened to divorce me if I ever became a practitioner. My fear of that threat had prevented me from becoming one. This time I was determined to live an illness-free life, even if I had to lose something. I read it with my heart and I could not put the book down.
Initially, I read the book while my husband was at work, because I was afraid of letting him know that I was a practitioner. I hid the book as soon I heard footsteps. Even so, Teacher took care of me. I could feel the turning of the Falun, and my health improved. I practiced fearfully for several months. Towards the end of 2007, my husband, vaguely aware, asked me if I was practicing Falun Dafa. I hesitated to answer. When he asked again, I responded affirmatively, thinking that it was not good to hide the truth. He was furious and demanded that I give it up. I told him, "I will not give it up." Crying, I told him how I became a practitioner and the changes to my body since I began to practice. But he would not listen.
Because I was a new practitioner, I didn't know that I could clear out the controlling evil elements behind his behavior. My only response was to cry. Later, he became more violent. He would throw my MP3 player and viciously beat me, causing me to walk with a limp. He stopped giving me an allowance and was seemingly determined to drive me away with various kinds of upsetting behavior. My crying made him laugh, and my righteous thoughts made him quietly angry. He had become different from the gentle person I once knew. I felt like the sky was falling but didn't know what to do when he insisted on a divorce. I was wavering. He said, "You can only choose Dafa or me. There is no way you can have both."
I chose Dafa after careful consideration. I didn't want to give up Dafa since I was grateful to Teacher for freeing me from illness. I knew Dafa was good. With a firm resolve to cultivate Dafa, I left home. I joined my sister (also a practitioner), found a job, and became a practitioner openly.
2. Studying the Fa well while working
I gained a better understanding of cultivation principles during those days when I studied the Fa and did the exercises daily with my sister. I understood that a practitioner must keep in mind, "One should gain things naturally without pursuing them." ("Learning the Fa" in Essentials For Further Advancement) Except for working at my job, I spent the rest of the time studying Dafa. I read Zhuan Falun, Hong Yin, Teacher's recent scriptures, and the teachings from different Fa conferences over and over again.
During this time, my husband made a lot of noise demanding a divorce. I paid no attention to him and instead conducted myself according to Teacher's teachings. The fate of my marriage was in divine hands, so I ignored my husband's demand. After a while, he stopped mentioning it.
As a veteran practitioner, my sister would go out to distribute truth-clarification materials, and I went with her sometimes. I was so scared the first time that the barking of a dog caused me to shake. I could not calm my nervous heart, even when I kept reciting the Fa-rectification verses. The situation improved after I went out more often. I reminded myself that I was saving sentient beings and that it was the right thing to do, so what was there to fear? I kept encouraging myself and strengthening my righteous thoughts. With Teacher's care, our outings went smoothly.
Later, both my sister and I changed jobs and went to work at two different companies. Right after I settled into the new job, I learned that my husband was seeing another woman. It was a big blow to me. I realized that it was interference from the old forces to prevent me from cultivating in a peaceful environment. Even so, my heart was moved. I cried for many days and lost a lot of weight. I felt weak and crushed. I said to myself that this was not the true me, that I could not continue living like this, and that I had to free myself from this stressful situation.
I wiped away my tears and went back to work. At times, I would feel sad, but I kept encouraging myself that I had to free myself from my feelings about him. I had chosen the path of cultivation and I had to get rid of my "feelings." Amid the struggle, I continued to study the Fa, and gradually I was no longer bothered by those feelings.
3. Validating the Fa in an evil environment
My sister and I clarified the truth to the people around us at work. I was not good at it, but I was determined to do it. I planted the message about quitting the Chinese Communist Party in people's minds, even if they didn't quit right away.
My sister and I were reported to the police and taken away from our offices one day. In the police station, we were separated, but I could hear my sister's voice explaining the facts to them. She asked them to read the electronic books and listen to the MP3 player that they had confiscated. Regardless of the result, what she did was astonishing.
Since the police didn't find any Dafa-related books in my room, I thought I could get away without admitting to them that I was a practitioner. However, I told them about the virtues of Dafa from a third-party standpoint. In my mind, I kept asking, "Teacher, is what I am doing correct?" I sent righteous thoughts continuously and reminded myself that Teacher was right beside me and no one could harm me.
They locked us in a small, dirty, mosquito-infested room after they recorded what we said. Two guards were stationed outside to watch us. I told my sister what happened and she said, "You made the same mistake I did a few years ago. We are Dafa cultivators.. How can we distance ourselves from the Fa?" By not admitting that I was a practitioner, I was essentially denying that I was a disciple of our Teacher. I knew I was wrong and decided to make it right the next day.
I was very calm the next morning when they came to talk to me. With strong righteous thoughts, I told them that I was a Dafa practitioner. I told them about the mental and physical benefits and the good health I enjoyed since I became a practitioner. They re-recorded my confession, and I ended by saying, "I thank Dafa for giving me good health. Falun Dafa is the righteous Fa. It teaches people to be truthful, compassionate, and tolerant. The government should immediately stop all forms of persecution of Falun Dafa and practitioners." With dignity, I signed the recording. I was finally able to relax. I felt like I had signed an eternal document that validated the Fa and made the evil forces shake with dread.
With Teacher's compassionate care, I was released in the evening. My sister is still being detained.
The police still tried to find reasons to talk to me after I was released. With righteous thoughts and Teacher's kindness, I was able to break free from their harassment. I did think about leaving my residence to be free of the surveillance. I got nervous when I saw a policeman or a police car, so I started to look inward and deep down for the reason for my fear. Teacher and the Fa were with me, so what was I afraid of? Fear of persecution? I realized that with fear in my mind, it would make no difference if I stayed or went somewhere else. I was a cultivator and I should not be forced to leave home and wander about with no permanent home. When I decided that I wanted to follow the path Teacher had arranged for me, I made up my mind to remain in the same place. I made sure that I studied the Fa and did the exercises every day. With a deeper understanding of the Fa, my fear subsided and the police stopped bothering me.
Looking over the bits and pieces that have happened in the two short years of my cultivation path--from my fear of illness prior to my cultivation to the joy of good health after obtaining the Fa; from fearing my husband to breaking free from his interference; from the fear of dogs to clarifying the truth on my own--Teacher has been with me the entire time, helping me transform from being weak to being strong. Although I still have many attachments, I will try to do the three things well so as to be worthy of Teacher's merciful salvation. I thank our Teacher from the depths of my heart.
Please kindly correct anything inappropriate.
Written on December 1, 2009