Sharing with Other Practitioners Who Are Eliminating Sickness Karma
(Clearwisdom.net) I am a young practitioner, and I started to practice Falun Gong after 1999. Before starting my cultivation, I had to take medicine to help me to have a period. A few days later, I had to take more medicine to stop my period. After starting my cultivation, I no longer need to take medicine to control my periods. However, I am still suffering from serious sickness karma in the form of abnormal uterine bleeding.
Why is this sickness karma always recurring? Through my experience I realized that my root attachment hasnt been eliminated so it always repeats. On the surface, there may not appear to be any relevance between my fundamental attachment and sickness karma so I would ignore it when I looked inside myself; maybe even I did not want to admit that my fundamental attachment resulted in this sickness karma. I very confidently believed that I had eliminated sickness karma at the beginning of my cultivation. With the progress of the Fa-rectification, this sickness karma came again. I studied the Fa and looked inside. I realized that I didnt do well in the three things. When I improved, the karma was soon eliminated. However, while I continued to do the three things, the sickness karma returned. I realized that during the Fa-rectification, the xinxing requirement is higher. We must be at a higher level than before, so it is not acceptable to stay idle at the current level. Moreover, the old forces' evil arrangements will take advantage of our attachments and weaknesses to persecute us.
How could I find my fundamental attachment? I was confused before. Some practitioners said that I didnt give up qing. Others said that I didnt give up the attachment of selfishness. They must be right. But how can I eliminate them? "Affection" and "selfishness" are like a pile of slush that I didnt know how to deal with. Actually, we should eliminate specific attachments with a purpose. For instance, I bled severely for several days and did not even have enough energy to beg Teacher in the front of Teachers portrait. When I found my attachment, I said to Teacher, "Teacher, I was wrong." Suddenly, my body was recharged with blood so that I could stand. Meanwhile, tears began to flow from my eyes. From that moment, I knew what "seriousness" is all about.
My attachment involved my relationship with my mother in-law. Before I cultivated, I hated her very much. I thought she was guilty and owed me. No matter how difficult my condition was, she never took care of me, especially after I gave birth. Now, should I treat her well after my cultivation? Thats a big loss for me. Our relationship was okay from outward appearances. But I thought: in any case, you cant gain anything from me at all. On the surface, it looks okay. Actually, I had hidden my hateful heart. I deceived Teacher. Couldn't the old forces take advantage of my bad heart? Am I truly cultivating? Can I hide this heart until the Fa-rectification ends?! When Fa-rectification ends, can I attain enlightenment with this attachment?
I realized that this fundamental attachment is something I had buried deeply before my cultivation, and I still wanted to hide it after beginning cultivation. The result was that I did not cultivate from my true heart and did not truly want to change my nature deep within my heart.
My level is very limited, but I hope my sharing is helpful to other practitioners eliminating "sickness karma."