Finding the Root Attachment behind Making Excuses
(Clearwisdom.net) During cultivation, when I have not done well, have not passed a test well, or have not maintained good xinxing, I have been making excuses to cover these deeply hidden human attachments. Below are some examples.
1. I have given in to the evil many times in the persecution. Although I was very regretful after giving in each time, I always used the excuse, "I do not have that much endurance" to make it easier on myself.
2. Fellow practitioners tried to persuade me to go to Beijing to validate Falun Dafa after July 20, 1999, but I did not want to go. I found an excuse to cover my fear: "Not going to Beijing does not mean I quit cultivation; my xinxing level is not high enough to go."
3. I came across a old friend, but I failed to clarify the truth to him. I regretted it afterwards, but found excuses to comfort myself: "Maybe he does not have the predestined relationship," "I can clarify the truth to him next time," or "Someone else will clarify the truth to him."
4. I have been reluctant to go out to clarify the truth with the excuse: "I am not in a good cultivation state, and the current situation is rather tense [so if I go out I will very likely be persecuted]."
5. When I fail to do the exercises because I am busy producing truth clarifying materials, it seems that I have more than enough excuses: "I am doing a Fa-rectification task, so it is okay to skip the exercises, it will not affect my gong, and I can make it up when time allows."
6. When I failed a xinxing test in front of family members I would justify it with the excuse: "I am their family member [so I have the right to be that way]."
7. When I have conflicts with fellow practitioners, instead of looking inside I think,"He is a cultivator, why isn't he looking inside?"
8. When I have different opinions while doing Dafa work, I often insist on my way and am not willing to give up my idea or accept fellows practitioners' ideas with the excuse: "I am doing this for the goodness of validating Dafa."
9.When I try to help fellow practitioners who have not stepped forward, I talk down to them and point out their shortcomings, complain about how low their enlightenment qualities are, and complain that they are not diligent with the excuse: "I am better than him or her in cultivation."
10. I am too lazy to get up at midnight to send forth righteous thoughts, but I found the excuse:"I am too sleepy, so I cannot send forth righteous thoughts effectively, so I may as well sleep."
11. When I do find my own attachments, I am reluctant to get rid of them with the excuse: "If I do not have any attachments, I would have consummated already, and then I cannot validate the Fa. I must conform with ordinary people's ways."
There are more, but I will not list them here. I dug to the root of my excuses, and they are all for saving my own things and covering my own attachments. I tightly hold on to fame, benefit, and sentiment, and fear my own attachments being lost. I only want to change others, but I refuse to change myself, which is, in fact, selfishness. If I don't get rid of selfishness, I will keep finding excuses to cover my deeply hidden attachments. If I don't get rid of this selfishness, I cannot enter the new cosmos. Therefore, I must be determined to cultivate away this selfishness.