Resolving Family Conflicts with Pure Kindness
(Clearwisdom.net) When I heard about a fellow practitioner who wanted a divorce, I thought of talking about my own experience. My past history is very similar to the situation that the fellow practitioner discussed about his wife. I was addicted to smoking, drinking, and playing games all day long and couldn't control myself. Afterwards, I met my husband, who obtained Falun Dafa very early and his righteous thoughts changed me.
At the beginning, when we were just getting to know each other, I read Dafa books only to maintain our relationship. My husband has a busy job. He would leave for work very early in the morning and come back home late at night. After he got home, he had to cook dinner, wash dishes and do laundry. I didn't do any housework. I stayed at home all day just playing games, smoking, drinking and other bad habits, some of which are too embarrassing to even talk about. I still looked down on him even though I was so bad myself. I lost my temper, yelled at him and treated him poorly. But he never complained or lost his temper. He treated me kindly no matter how I treated him.
One time I said that I wanted to go away and do this and that. He gave me 90 percent of his savings and told me that a person can only have one marriage. He also told me many principles of being a proper person. He said that I could come back any time if I got tired of staying away. He would live by himself and send me money every month. In the end, I didn't leave. There were many of these kinds of situations. He didn't get angry each time and was very kind to me. He explained the reasons for his actions, and he was always nice to me. I felt that being nice here means being kind and responsible. I realized these things from him. These are not selfish, fleeting whims. Kindness and compassion last forever and can melt away all deviated factors.
Gradually, I felt that I should be nicer to him as well. I shouldn't be so vicious because he gave me so much. Thus, I tried to suppress my bad moods and not to lose my temper. I read some Dafa books when I had time, and according to Dafa's requirements, I tried to control and reduce the bad factors. I found myself slowly changing. I began to control my temper and had more self-control. I quit smoking, drinking and playing games. I gained a new understanding of life. I found myself so relaxed and was no longer driven by those factors after I get rid of them. I have a true self now and feel very happy. I am truly grateful to Dafa, to Master and to my husband.
Because of the changes over the past three years, I almost look like a new person. I have really changed. Although I still rarely do housework and cooking, my heart and spirit have already changed. I have learned how to be considerate of others. I know I need to think about other people first before I do anything.
Here I want to say a few words to this fellow practitioner: As a man you need to understand "responsibility". Because your wife has given her life to you, you should take the responsibility of taking care of her. As a Dafa practitioner, I feel that you need more than "responsibility." You should have kindness, using your kind heart to melt all the deviated factors, using your righteous energy field from cultivation to remove the deviated field. If you are always kind to her and nice to her without thinking about returns from her, I think that even a stone will be touched by you and cry. Thus she will do better herself. My husband's actions touched me and I changed. Don't give up. I believe that you will be able to change your environment. Don't go to extremes. If you do that, you will hurt yourself. Sentient beings are waiting for us to be saved. Be diligent as quickly as you can!
Aug. 30, 2005