Studying the Fa Well and Walking Well My Journey of Validating the Fa
(Clearwisdom.net) I began cultivating in Falun Dafa in August 1995. I would like to report to Master and fellow practitioners my experiences of explaining the facts and offering people salvation.
Distributing Flyers and Hanging Banners
After the onset of the persecution on July 20, 1999, I was convinced that Falun Dafa is good. I never doubted this. Nevertheless, I was afraid to come forward. I studied one lecture of Zhuan Falun daily. Several times when I opened the book, it fell open to Lecture Six, where Master said:
"Since he failed, he had to start all over again. He resumed his cultivation, and after much painstaking effort he again succeeded in his cultivation. This time he became scared and reminded himself in his mind: "I shouldn't get excited. Otherwise, I'll fail again." With this fear, he failed again. Fear is also a kind of attachment." (Zhuan Falun)
I knew I was attached to fear, yet I could not get rid of it. I only wanted to protect myself. After the persecution started, I treated the persecution with human notions, and out of fear, I burned all the Dafa materials I had stored at home for the local practice site. This was a terrible thing that I did, and it made me feel that I was not worthy of Master's salvation.
In 2000 Master published a series of articles. I knew then that I must leave my safe cocoon and, as a Dafa practitioner, step forward to distribute flyers and explain the truth about the persecution. I still remember the first time I went out to hang a banner. My fear was so overwhelming at 4:00 a.m. that I vomited in the restroom. Yet, I knew I was doing the most righteous thing and I must step forward. I separated my true self from human fear. I understood it was not me who was afraid; rather, it was my human notions and karma trying to interfere with me. With Master's protection I returned home safely after I hung up the banner.
When I first started distributing flyers, I was so nervous that I vomited every time I was ready to leave home. Yet, I overcame my fear and stepped out to validate Dafa. My fear disappeared when I reminded myself that I was offering sentient beings salvation.
Forming a Fa Study Group to Improve Together
With the Fa rectification process moving forward, the Minghui/Clearwisdom website proposed to rebuild Fa study groups. At the beginning of 2004, about nine practitioners formed a Fa study group at my home. From the beginning I was afraid to do this at my home because I was also getting truth-clarification handouts from the material center, and I thought that doing both might make me a persecution target. I wanted to protect myself. Because of my fear, people frequently knocked on the door as we studied the Fa. They were all from my residential community. I was so fearful that I actually wanted to disband the group Fa study. But I changed my mind and we continued. I changed my mind on this back and forth nine times and finally stabilized my mind through Fa study and sending righteous thoughts.
More than half a year after the Fa study group was formed, the phenomenon of someone knocking on the door occurred again. Our group members all looked inward and realized that the energy field in our group was not righteous. We were more interested in listening to what one fellow practitioner had to say, as we felt that he cultivated well. When all of us changed our mindsets, we continued to study the Fa together.
This year, a fellow practitioner said he felt pressured every time he came to the group Fa study. He said he was always criticized that he did not cultivate well. I recognized that I also wanted to boast about myself and looked down on fellow practitioners. I criticized fellow practitioners, rather than kindly pointing out their problems. My bad example made other group members criticize each other also. Studying the Fa, I realized I should not focus on fellow practitioners' problems; rather, I should send righteous thoughts and clear the energy field first. I should have faith that Master would remind fellow practitioners, and fellow practitioners would catch up through the Fa study.
Establishing a Truth-Clarification Materials Site at Home
In October 2005, I established a truth-clarification materials site at my home. Because of some fear, I always thought the printer was too noisy and the neighbors would hear me. I exhibited fear each time I printed materials. I didn't have a Dafa cultivator's righteous thoughts.
Four or five months later I got another, quieter printer. Superficially, my mind seemed calmer and my fear had lessened. Several months later, a fellow practitioner returned the noisy printer to me. This time I started to look inward to find my attachments. Fa study made me realize that I was doing the most righteous thing in the universe--explaining the persecution facts; no one should keep me from offering people salvation. Now I have both printers working at the same time, and I no longer notice the noise.
In September 2006 I had problems with a color printer. The lines that should have been one color turned out a different shade. Others told me that the cartridge head was dirty and blocked. I did not know how to clean it, so I simply bought another cartridge.
When I read an experience-sharing article on "Minghui Weekly" that "a practitioner should improve xinxing before repairing the machine", I was deeply touched. I looked inward and found that I always wanted to finish the printing as soon as possible, and that I did not like color printing because the cartridge was difficult to refill or install. It had not occurred to me that the printer was also a life-form awaiting salvation. Once I found my problems, I went home and sent righteous thoughts in front of the printer, telling it, "You must print nice copies for sentient beings." The printing output has improved greatly since then. I recognized that sending righteous thoughts works; encountering problems is not accidental; there must be attachments waiting for me to eliminate them. In order to do a better job of offering sentient beings salvation, I purchased another printer last week to make more materials.
My parents both practice Dafa, but my husband does not. My efforts to clarify the facts of the persecution to him in the past years have allowed him to have a correct understanding of Dafa. But whenever I had attachments, he would make trouble for me and help me get rid of my attachments.
After I started making information materials, my attachments to proving myself started growing. When I was writing this article, a fellow practitioner told me I was always inpatient when he picked up materials from me; that my attitude made him feel like he owed me something; that everyone had to follow my schedule to pick up their materials. When I first heard his comment, I was quite upset, thinking, "You had the ability to make your own materials, yet you all relied on me to provide them to you. How could I have time to study the Fa if I followed your schedules?" The next day I studied Lecture Two of Zhuan Falun. Master said:
"In offering salvation to people, there is no condition or consideration for cost, reward, or fame. They are thus far more noble than the heroes of everyday people. They do it completely out of their benevolent compassion."
I knew I was wrong and apologized sincerely to my fellow practitioners. Once my xinxing improved, I realized that the desire to prove myself was an attachment that should be overcome.
The above are my experiences in the past few years; please kindly point out any mistakes or misunderstandings.