Looking Inward, I Found the Reasons for My Slacking Off in Cultivation
(Clearwisdom.net) For a long time I haven't had the feeling of striving forward diligently in cultivation. Every day is the same old routine: going online to download Dafa materials, printing them out, making copies, and delivering or distributing them. Whenever I heard that some fellow practitioners were arrested, I went online for help and called on other practitioners to send forth righteous thoughts to rescue them. As time went by, I completely forgot about it even if the arrested practitioners were still detained. When fellow practitioners got together to share experiences, I did not feel any sense of urgency to save sentient beings. I often even ran into conflicts with my fellow practitioners. Each time, after I got home, I felt awful. I would then look inward to try to identify my own problem. As to clarifying the truth, I only did it when I felt like it, and if I didn't feel like it or if there wasn't ample time, I simply dropped it. As soon as I picked up the book to study the Fa, I would doze off. I couldn't get up early in the morning to send forth righteous thoughts. This made me anxious about going to bed to sleep for fear that I would sleep through my alarm, and wake up only to find that I again missed the time to send forth righteous thoughts!
Now that I have recounted it, I realize what a situation I had slipped into, a situation I didn't want to admit just a couple of weeks ago. When I read the call for manuscript contributions for the Second Internet Experience Sharing Conference for Practitioners in China, I wanted to write something. However, two months passed and I still had no idea what to write. I looked at my fellow practitioners around me, all actively drafting articles to present. I could sense the selflessness and magnificence in their articles. They have solidly cultivated, and they have been able to share their enlightenment while I was still languishing in the labyrinth set up by the old forces. I felt ashamed. I could even hear the old forces' satisfied laughter as they hid in the dark watching me struggle to free myself from the shackles of various postnatal notions.
I cried when I felt the extreme pain of my cultivation status. However, I have never regretted the choice I made, that is, to cultivate and walk on the path leading to Godhood. Compassionate Teacher has been looking after me, such an apathetic disciple, and has used various means to awaken me. A fortnight ago, I wrote an article detailing the problems that existed in my area. I stayed up late until 2 a.m. for three nights straight, and finally finished a long article of over 10,000 words. The article was full of the inadequacies I found in other practitioners. Instead of talking to the persons concerned face to face about these problems, I had the intention to use Minghui.net's prestige to quash them and to prove my point. However, my article did not get published. It was like a stick warning that finally made me realize that I should reflect deeply on my cultivation.
One fellow practitioner reminded me to memorize the Fa. I had always used the excuse that I was too busy as a way to avoid memorizing the Fa. I told myself it was enough to just read the Fa. Now I realize that it was my laziness and demon nature that were at work. Looking back on my cultivation, the time when I cultivated well was when I was memorizing the Fa. It did not matter how much of the Fa I could memorize at any one time. That feeling of truly melting in the Fa was incomparably comforting and peaceful. It felt like every cell in my body was vibrating. The more I memorized the Fa, the more I wanted to memorize, and the quicker I could memorize It. The more of the Fa I memorized, the more I was able to gauge everything with the Fa. The boundless wisdom and compassion of the Fa naturally emerged from the innermost part of my self.
Thinking of my past experience of memorizing the Fa, I firmly resolved to start memorizing the Fa again. Starting two months ago, I started sending righteous thoughts at the top of every hour. As a result, my work environment has changed for the better. My boss moved me from a big office with lots of traffic to a small office of only three people, with me situated in the innermost corner. The other two people were sales people and they often went outside on sales calls. Thus I was often by myself in the office and I had lots of time to memorize the Fa. In just a few days I was able to memorize and recite two of Teacher's most recent articles. I finally regained the wonderful long lost feeling of basking in the Buddha light.
When I recited the article, "The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be," I felt that Teacher was actually pointing at my human mentality. For a long time even though I said that I wasn't attached to the duration of the Fa rectification, deep within I had actually been thinking that if Teacher still needed more time to do Fa-rectification, it would be o.k. for me to take time in saving sentient beings. There was no need to hurry up. I had already done a lot of work saving sentient beings, and I probably had met the requirements for Fa Rectification Dafa disciples. Now when I write down these thoughts that I had, I feel so ashamed I want to cry. I really have let down Teacher and the sentient beings who are counting on me to save them!
As I recited "The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be" again this morning, I thought of my original article mentioned above, in which I quoted Teacher from this article to admonish other practitioners to be more diligent. Now I realize I am the one who really should look inward and become more diligent. Teacher said,
"I know that after you become clear on this you will quickly catch up..."
Yes Teacher, I will definitely strive forward diligently and not be fettered by my attachments and human notions again at this crucial juncture of the Universe's Fa rectification.