Letting Go of Self-Interest

(Minghui.org) About a month ago my coworkers said there was going to be a pay raise, and I was happy to hear this. A few days later a coworker from human resources told me only a few people would receive the pay raise, and only one person in my department, Yang, would get a raise.

I was surprised because Yang didn’t do any special work. Why would someone who just ran errands and did odd jobs get a raise? My coworker said the supervisor specifically arranged a pay raise for Yang because he worked so hard.

I thought, “That’s not fair! Those of us who are doing the actual work aren’t getting a pay raise. We work nonstop year round, and this year is even busier. Why didn’t the leadership think of me?” These thoughts persisted for quite some time, and I even asked how much of a pay raise Yang was going to receive.

After I read the Fa, I realized this kind of thinking was related to the attachment of self-interest, and I wanted to remove it.

I thought I let go of the desire for personal gain, but then I heard that the public service employees would get a pay raise. I was glad to hear this and thought I should be one of them.

When my coworker from human resources told me she didn’t see my name on the list I felt uneasy. It would be so embarrassing if my name wasn’t on the list! I felt both anxious and angry. I didn’t say anything, but my mind was in turmoil.

The human resources coworker later told me she misread the list and confirmed that I was actually on it. I felt more at ease, but I also realized my heart was affected.

During group Fa study, I realized I had attachments to reputation, personal gain, jealousy, and comparing myself to others. I sent forth righteous thoughts to strengthen myself and eliminate these negative substances. I told the other practitioners about what happened and said that today’s society is a scam designed to destroy us, and I wouldn’t fall for it.

I thought I let go of these negative elements – my mind was calm, and my righteous thoughts were strong. Then came the next test.

Some people weren’t happy about the pay raise tier and confronted the senior leadership, so the pay raise was put on hold. Although management said it would be delayed for another month, they had to temporarily call off the plan.

My heart sank when I heard this. How could they not give us the raise? I’d been looking forward to it and I was very disappointed when it didn’t happen. I was disturbed and felt wronged. It wasn’t a big pay raise, so why was it so hard to pay us?

I studied the Fa and rectified my thinking. I realized I hadn’t completely let go of my attachments and my cultivation was still wasn’t solid. I told myself, “I’m a cultivator and these bad substances shouldn’t affect me. I don’t want them. Society’s negative influences can’t disturb me. I’m a Dafa practitioner.”

Another test came right after when a coworker started talking to me about the pay raise, “It’s not that big of a pay raise so why didn’t it happen? You do so much work for such a low salary. It’s really unfair.”

This time, I handled the situation calmly, and said, “If the pay raise happens, I’ll take it, but if it doesn’t happen, I won’t ask for it. I’ll keep doing a good job, and continue to learn, observe, and do even more.” I felt an immense feeling of lightness throughout my body as if my soul had been purified.

Thank you, Master, for compassionately looking after me!