Cultivating Myself in a Family Environment

(Minghui.org) As a Dafa practitioner, I learned that nothing that happens to me or around me is by chance; it is all related to my cultivation. They serve to remind me of my notions, attachments, and human heart. If I can look inward and align with the Fa principles, I can break through and improve on the cultivation path.

The Turmoil Caused by a Child’s Homework

For a long time, my husband and I have had different opinions regarding our child’s education, which often led to us arguing. After summer break ended one year, and school resumed, our child’s homework wasn’t completed and this was criticized by his teacher.

My husband (a fellow practitioner) became furious, blaming me as the mother for not keeping a closer eye on the child’s studies. He kept complaining, “Why didn’t you check his homework properly? It was your responsibility.” His constant finding fault with me and his desire to argue were things I couldn’t accept.

I forced myself to hold back my emotions, but I felt wronged. All I could say at that moment was, “I’ll be more careful and do better next time. Stop scolding me.” But he kept on, and I was reaching my limit. I quickly said, “Can we stop this? I said I will work on it. Can we stop talking about it?” Still unsatisfied, he continued to nag. I had no choice but to walk away.

Afterward, once I had time to reflect, I still couldn’t understand why my heart felt so heavy. All sorts of grievances welled up inside me. I felt utterly alone, with no one who understood my struggles. I resented my husband for not considering my feelings, and for not talking things through with me when difficulties arose. I’d already admitted my mistakes and expressed willingness to improve. Yet he only spoke his own mind, deaf to my words. I felt completely tangled up, not knowing where to begin to untangle myself. I felt ashamed—this was pure resentment, not a genuine look inward.

I meditated before going to bed, and I kept thinking that I hadn’t overcome this obstacle; I had only suppressed it through sheer willpower. When I was alone and it was quiet, negative thoughts surged up. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became, feeling that it was very unfair to me, and I didn’t even want to continue in this environment. Since these negative thoughts emerged, and this wasn’t the beautiful life I wanted, I felt like just leaving.

My Attachment to Demanding Others

However, the rational side of me told me that I couldn’t avoid the conflict, as it is precisely because I cling to attachments that I feel such anguish. So why do I suffer? I asked myself again and again, “What kind of attachment do I have? I truly cannot figure it out; everything has become a deadlock. What should I do?”

In my heart, I repeatedly pleaded with Master to help me, asking Master to enlighten me about where the problem lies. I wanted to cultivate well and return home with Master. After a while, the words “living life” struck my mind, and suddenly everything became clear. I had been making this matter far too big. Human marriage is important to people, but as a cultivator, when I placed too much emphasis on it, my “attachment to relationships” also became huge.

It was only upon this realization that I recognized my own tendency to make unconditional demands on others. Deep down, I wanted my husband to live up to my expectation, to be considerate and loving toward me. When he failed to meet these standards I set for him, I felt uneasy.

This also reflected my yearning for a beautiful life in this world, believing that as a cultivator, my husband must cherish his wife, that we should support each other, and that we should become a model couple. I imposed one demand after another on him, always looking outward. I held him to high standards simply because he was also a cultivator.

Master has always taught us to cultivate ourselves and look inward. After identifying these attachments, my thinking became clearer. I also realized that when faced with setbacks, I tended to blame others, habitually blurting out accusations. I even felt indifferent about it, showing no restraint toward my own family. Truly, without looking inward, I wouldn’t have known, and when I did look inward, I was startled. It turns out I’ve been unkind in my daily life.

Looking back, whenever I encountered any situation, if I could have immediately looked inward, things would have been different. For instance, when I heard my husband’s harsh tone of reproach, I should have thought, “Do I also use this kind of tone to blame others, making them feel uncomfortable?” If I had done that, I wouldn’t have been controlled by negative factors, carried away by disturbances, trapped in attachments, and fallen into the old forces’ trap.

Breaking Through the Communication Barrier

I must next confront my fear of conflict and tendency to avoid communicating. Once I adjust my mindset, I will no longer fear my husband’s harsh tone when speaking to me. I sincerely hope to communicate with him and support him, so we can both improve together and resolve issues through cultivation.

I understand that to harmonize the family environment, I must communicate with my husband. My long-standing avoidance of open dialogue with him has been a significant issue. Even when conflicts or problems arise, we fail to open our hearts. I’ve consistently evaded this problem, believing that if I just improve myself, everything will be resolved.

But this time, I realized that things couldn’t go on like this. In cultivation, we are one body. Every member of our family, from the oldest to the youngest, is a cultivator. If we can’t open our hearts when problems arise, then there’s a major flaw in our cultivation environment.

So I mustered my courage and went to my husband, who was still fuming. My heart simply wanted to help him emerge from his negativity. I said to my husband, “Can we talk? I’ve just realized our biggest problem is a lack of genuine communication. To solve the root issue, we need to talk. When we face a problem, we should work together to resolve it. We should join forces to tackle the problem, not each other.”

At the same time, I care about him and understand his feelings, I also told him, “I don’t know why you’re feeling down, maybe because you haven’t expressed it. If you can talk it out, clarify it, and voice those negative thoughts, that negativity will no longer be able to control you.”

I also gave my husband an example. On the truth-sharing platform I participate in, I’ve heard fellow practitioners openly express their attachments and boldly expose them. Doing so makes those attachments seem much smaller. I deeply admire how practitioners can set aside concerns about appearances and honestly confront their shortcomings in front of so many online listeners. That kind of openness is truly admirable.

I also expressed my understanding of my husband’s difficulty with communication, explaining that his upbringing and family environment had not fostered that, leading to a strained relationship with his parents. However, I told him that we should start with ourselves, working together to overcome this communication barrier.

Once we become comfortable communicating with each other, our relationship with his parents will naturally improve. I believe that they will gradually be influenced by us, and everyone will have the courage to communicate with each other, making our family harmony not just superficial, but truly genuine. I simply want to hear my husband’s true feelings and understand his difficulties.

Finally, my husband opened up and shared his true feelings. After he finished speaking, I saw his expression relax, and his furrowed brows vanished. I felt genuinely happy for him, and said, “It’s so good you were able to say that. The stubbornness and negativity, we don’t need it. It’s not who you are. Don’t let it control you.”

Though he didn’t say much during this conversation, the fact that he could express his inner thoughts felt like a major breakthrough. The next day, he looked like a different person. His mood was lighter, his tone gentler, and he had become more patient. I knew our conversation had made a significant difference.

I have come to realize that my family is my cultivation environment. I must cherish it, but I cannot remain content with superficial harmony. In daily life, I must pay closer attention to my words and deeds, speaking only what befits a cultivator. I must sincerely communicate areas that need improvement and take responsibility for the family’s overall well-being.

Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!