Gaining a Clear Understanding of Jealousy

(Minghui.org) I thought I had no attachment to jealousy after practicing Falun Dafa for many years. Since I was a child, I had never fought with others, and I did not get upset when others were doing well. After I became a Dafa practitioner, I hoped that the practitioners would all do well. Unable to see my own jealousy, I neglected to remove this attachment for many years. Looking back, I realized that it was a great loss for my cultivation! I gradually got a clear understanding of the attachment of jealousy.

Detecting the Presence of Jealousy

When I first started practicing Falun Dafa, I felt that it was very easy to cultivate, and there were no major tribulations because I paid great attention to studying the Fa. I could always look inward during conflicts and find my shortcomings using Dafa’s principles. I could put aside my own interests and consider others from their perspectives, so I was able to overcome conflicts easily. At that time, I cultivated alone, and there was no one to discuss or exchange cultivation experiences with. I just followed the Fa when I encountered problems. It was straightforward, and I was delighted to cultivate.

After the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) began persecuting Falun Dafa, I moved to the town center. There were more practitioners there, and I established a Fa-study group and material production site at my home and got a chance to know many practitioners. Fellow practitioners were willing to share their experiences with me, and soon, I became the local volunteer coordinator.

My cultivation environment soon became complicated, and cultivation became difficult. This lasted for a long time. Some people envied me, admired me, resented me, and were jealous of me. I undertook numerous projects to save people. I was under tremendous pressure in terms of time and workload. In particular, balancing relationships among practitioners was the most difficult because I didn’t know how to cultivate myself at that time. Although I knew to look inward, I couldn’t find where I was wrong. In the end, I comforted myself by saying, “Fellow practitioners are helping me improve my xinxing.” However, the conflicts persisted, and grew increasingly severe. I didn’t complain with my mouth nor with my actions, but resentment had quietly grown inside me unknowingly.

Because I paid much attention to studying the Fa, I realized that I was jealous. I contributed selflessly and was always the first to help other practitioners when they encountered difficulties. I set aside everything to help practitioners, but they said I was a bad person. I was wronged and abused in public. Some practitioners even said, “Why didn’t she get arrested?” These things didn’t matter to me. As long as we could coordinate and cooperate well as a whole, it would be fine. Since I didn’t find out where I had a problem, I couldn’t overcome the tribulation. No matter what project I tried to organize for saving sentient beings, the other party would get angry, and the project would be ruined in the end.

This was the first time I became aware of my attachment to jealousy, as well as to fame, showing off, self-righteousness, lust, saving face, and other things.

Analyze Jealousy and Get Rid of It Fundamentally

Recently, I realized that jealousy is extremely dangerous to cultivators! Based on the path I have taken and the setbacks I have experienced over the years, I have come to realize that jealousy is linked to all human attachments. If we don’t get rid of jealousy, no matter how well we cultivate in other respects, we will not be able to withstand the test, so we will not be able to succeed in cultivation. Jealousy can manifest everywhere. For example, if we look into our own eyes and feel dissatisfied in our heart, if we look deeper, we will find that it is all caused by jealousy. Yet, it has become so natural that we hardly notice it.

During this period, I have been constantly studying the Fa, looking inward, reading Minghui experience-sharing articles, and digging deeper within myself. I feel ashamed. It is so dangerous! I have an attachment to fame, looking down on others, a strong ego, and a sense of superiority. I believed I was always correct and tried to guide others in cultivation. These attachments were so strong that they almost led me over to the demonic side and to give speeches to disrupt the practice. Even in such a perilous situation, I still thought I was doing alright. I am really ashamed, and feel unworthy of Master’s compassionate salvation!

I discovered my fundamental attachment when I first began practicing. I thought that Dafa was pure and righteous, and I could hold my head high and be proud of being a Dafa practitioner, so I used Dafa to satisfy my dirty desire for fame. When I first started practicing, I had almost all of the attachments that Master mentioned in Towards Consummation. Jealousy is extremely harmful to practitioners! We must be vigilant and eradicate it.

I Know What I Am Here For

Facing a lot of attachments, especially jealousy, I am no longer afraid of them because I have recognized them, gained a clear understanding of them, and know where they originate. Most importantly, I know what I am here for. So, I have direction and have gained wisdom. First, I can clearly identify that there are only two paths in front of practitioners: one is a dangerous and destructive path accompanied by great difficulties and obstacles, which is carefully arranged by the old forces. The other one is Master’s arrangement, with the great wisdom to take advantage of the situation, which requires us to use the old forces’ interference as opportunities to elevate our xinxing, to reach our consummation. In this way, we completely deny the arrangement of the old forces.

I learned that all the attachments, notions, experiences, desires, and addictions, are not part of our true selves. To put it bluntly, they are all arranged by the old forces. We don’t want them, and we don’t acknowledge them. We must deny them, reject them, and send forth righteous thoughts every day to eliminate them. Only the innate, pure, righteous thoughts from the Fa are ourselves. We are not after the things of the human world. At this critical time, helping Master to quickly save sentient beings is our mission!

Thank you, Master, for your painstaking salvation! Thank you, fellow practitioners, for your help!

This is my limited understanding at my current level. Please correct me if anything is wrong.