Letting Go of a Fundamental Attachment

(Minghui.org) I have been practicing Dafa for many years, consistently doing the three things as Master teaches, but only recently have I realized that after more than 10 years, I still did not truly understand what genuine cultivation means. Today, I would like to share my story with fellow practitioners.

Looking for the Fundamental Attachment

I didn’t begin cultivation because of an illness or any major upheaval in life, I simply wanted to be a good person, always gentle, kind, and at peace. I felt extremely fortunate to have encountered Dafa; it was truly a blessing for my life. I diligently did the three things and participated in several key projects. At the time I started cultivation, I already had a stable career, a managerial position, a high salary, and a good work environment. A few years later, I left my ordinary job to work full-time on Dafa projects. I wasn’t pursuing mighty virtue, I just felt it was time to let go of fame and gain to fulfill my mission.

However, after years of steady cultivation, I noticed that my initial state had faded. I would get sleepy when studying the Fa or doing the exercises, and rarely enlightened to anything new during Fa study. After I got married, tribulations began. I was very afraid of my mother-in-law. I lived in such fear during that time that I nearly collapsed without understanding why I was so terrified. Just her presence would make me anxious, clumsy, and enveloped in a sense of invisible fear and tension.

I repeatedly looked inward and found the attachments of fear, fame, and vanity, yet I couldn’t pass this test. Though I did the three things daily, my cultivation state felt vague and hollow.

Master, with boundless compassion, awakened me through a fellow practitioner’s sharing on a fundamental attachment. I read the article “Towards Consummation” many times before it struck me—after all these years, I was not genuinely cultivating, nor meeting the standard of a true Dafa disciple.

I began to reflect deeply on my cultivation journey and started looking for my fundamental attachment. This was truly not easy. Sometimes I kept looking inward, but couldn’t see clearly and felt stuck. Silently, I asked Master to enlighten this unworthy disciple who remained lost in delusion. I started with the biggest test I had never overcome for many years: my relationship with my mother-in-law. I had only endured with grievance, never truly facing my fear.

Initially, I saw that I had a heart of vanity and a desire to be respected and loved by others. Since childhood, I had always been the obedient, high-achieving type, loved by my family and teachers. After entering the workforce, I was successful, valued by my superiors, and worked in a professional environment with kind colleagues. With a gentle personality, I was also easy to collaborate with on projects. No one in my life had ever made me feel looked down upon, worthless, or subject to unexpected criticism, false accusations, or slander.

Although I feared my mother-in-law, deep inside I lacked respect for her, because her personality and behavior were completely contrary to my notions of what a “good person” should be. It was then that I recognized my fundamental attachment.

I entered cultivation with this mentality of “agreeing with my own code of conduct.” I wanted to be a good person and to improve myself through cultivation. However, after all these years of studying the Fa, my understanding had not truly transformed. I had not measured myself according to the standard of Dafa, nor truly cultivated by removing human attachments. Instead, I continued to hold onto my initial notions and standards of what it means to be a good person.

This “standard of a good person” was my own moral philosophy, like a beautiful coat that I wore. Acting according to it made me feel like I was living correctly and decently in society, and in turn, I received respect and affection from others. On top of that, there was a boundless joy in feeling like a fortunate being who had encountered Dafa and was cultivating to return. I felt safe and protected.

But weren’t all of these still forms of pursuit, pursuit of “benefits in cultivation,” instead of wholeheartedly striving to identify and transform the bad elements in the depths of my being? I had not directly targeted the human heart, nor eliminated each attachment one by one. I hadn’t transformed my selfish, self-centered nature into a new life form that is selfless, altruistic, and ego-free, in accordance with the standard of Dafa.

Master taught us:

“Some people first came to learn our Dafa to cure their illnesses. We don’t disapprove of that, as a transitional period is needed to understand Dafa. Later on, they realized: “Dafa isn’t for getting healed, yet with ailments in my body I, as a cultivator, can’t cultivate and develop gong.” What to do, then? They knew: “Oh, I won’t think about it, then. I won’t ask Teacher to heal me and I won’t think about having my health problem fixed. But I know that as long as I cultivate, Teacher will definitely heal me.” Part of the mind still thinks [about that ailment]. Have they changed fundamentally? No. What appears on the surface to be good is phony. If a person can’t make a fundamental change in himself, he can’t reach the standard. High-level lives, as Enlightened Beings, see things very clearly, nothing can be hidden from them. This person hasn’t reached the standard, hasn’t changed himself fundamentally, and still holds on to that attachment, only it’s become more concealed. Yet the being looking after his cultivation sees it clearly. Then who’s he deceiving? He’s deceiving himself.” (Teachings at the Conference in Singapore)

Wasn’t I similar to someone clinging to their illness? Outwardly, I gave up fame and wealth, but inwardly, I pursued peace, safety, and protection in cultivation. I clung to fame in front of my mother-in-law, personal gain in enduring a stressful life with her, and emotion in longing for respect and love. Still attached to fame, gain, and emotion, how could my endurance be real cultivation?

Now, on a superficial level, I finally understand this Fa. That surface-level forbearance was arrogance, thinking I was better or more righteous than others, thus feeling wronged.

But Master taught us:

“He’s right. And I’m wrong.” (“Who’s Right, Who’s Wrong,” Hong Yin III)

Do I truly believe what Master said? That humans here are lives that deserved destruction and were given one final chance to eliminate karma through hardship? And yet I still feel wronged and want respect and comfort?

If not for my mother-in-law, who struck at my very core, would I have awakened from my superficial, warped cultivation state? She is truly a great benefactor in my life. It’s because I didn’t understand xinxing cultivation and clung to the benefits that I suffered.

Although I memorized the Fa, I only grasped it in theory. When tribulations came, I entered a state of not wanting to cultivate and resisting hardship.

Master said,

“People in the past had a lot of de and good xinxing to begin with. As long as they suffered a little bit of hardship, they could increase their gong. People are not like that today. As soon as they suffer, they do not want to cultivate. Furthermore, they are becoming less and less enlightened, making it even harder for them to cultivate.” (Lecture Four. Zhuan Falun)

At first, I thought that “not wanting to cultivate” applied to everyday people. But now I see that it also applied to me. During hardship, I didn’t target my human heart. I stayed attached to the surface illusion of who’s right or wrong, and played the victim. I longed for a peaceful environment, which is completely the opposite of what Master has taught.

If I truly followed Master's teachings—valued xinxing, took attachments and human emotions lightly, and treated the elevation of xinxing as my ultimate goal—would I still suffer mentally? When I do feel distressed, isn’t it because I’m still valuing respect, love, and other things that a cultivator is supposed to let go of and take lightly? Isn’t suffering due to not obtaining these things a sign that I do not truly want to cultivate?

Human Notions and Exploiting Dafa

In the process of looking for my fundamental attachment, I discovered a deeply rooted notion that had led me to believe I was cultivating and validating the Fa, when in reality, I was holding on to human notions and validating myself.

Since childhood, I had formed my own standard of what it means to be a good person: someone who values virtue over wealth, who is kind, compassionate, does not harm others, is gentle, humble, honest, upright, clear in love and hate, not flattering or manipulative for gain, and who helps others in difficulty. I believed a good person should be educated and of value to others. I lived my life this way and built my personality upon it. This gave me the feeling that I was a good person, and others around me also recognized and appreciated me for it.

When I encountered Dafa, I felt it perfectly aligned with what I had always pursued. The environment among fellow practitioners was kind and harmonious. How fortunate I was to have encountered a pure land in the midst of a morally declining world. After more than 10 years of cultivation, I thought I was following Master’s teachings. But in truth, I wasn’t genuinely cultivating my xinxing according to Master’s requirements. Instead, I continued to act based on my own “good person” standards.

I diligently did the three things, but it was like following a behavioral norm shaped by my notions. Aspects like letting go of money or personal gain, or the desire to fight for things, were not too difficult for me because they fell within the “safe zone” and aligned with my existing values. Meanwhile, many other attachments, like vanity, jealousy, fame, showing off, and seeking comfort, still existed. I simply didn’t express them outwardly, hiding behind the forbearance of a gentle personality.

At the core, I hadn’t truly resolved to let go of these attachments because they didn’t directly clash with my “good person” notion, or because they risked damaging the image I had built in others’ eyes. I wore the robe of a cultivator, but deep inside, I didn’t genuinely view the cultivation of xinxing and the elimination of attachments and desires, as the goal of “returning to one’s original true self.” I still longed for an easy and comfortable life here.

This image of a good person in my cultivation was no different from what Master described as a false Buddha or Bodhisattva. As long as I still crave recognition, then everything I do in cultivation—even helping others—is conditional, not selfless or ego-free. It is still rooted in seeking benefits for myself. Instead of reflecting on every situation and thought to see which attachment remained, I only looked inward when I encountered a tribulation, when I felt discomfort, or when personal interests were at stake.

I didn’t actively eliminate attachments such as vanity, resentment, jealousy, looking down on others, competitiveness, and the desire to show off. I simply suppressed them, constrained by my “good person” notion and gentle personality, to protect the image I had built, my “Virtuous and Graceful Reputation,” which represented me in society. I once thought that image was truly me. I was even proud of it. Only now do I realize it was just an image, a form of personal gain I desperately protected so that I could live well in this world, feel that I was good, valuable, recognized, successful, and respected.

And this notion of “living well” became the goal that guided my entire life. In school, it meant attending top classes, earning high scores, being praised by teachers. In my career, it meant working at large companies, holding managerial roles, and being part of the elite trusted by leadership. This system of notions continued to guide me in cultivation. I diligently did the three things and enthusiastically participated in projects to feel like I was doing well, to be recognized by fellow practitioners, and to be acknowledged by Master.

Master teaches us to transform the bad, selfish elements within us into new, selfless, ego-free beings. But I didn’t understand what it meant to truly cultivate xinxing and transform from the root. Instead, I engaged in superficial cultivation, using Fa principles to decorate a splendid false image, while inside I still harbored filthy, selfish thoughts. Wasn’t I exploiting Dafa, deceiving Master, and deceiving myself?

The notions of “being a good person” and “living well in this world” had guided my life, even long after encountering Dafa. They controlled my being and prevented me from truly attaining the Fa, giving me the illusion of doing well in society while keeping me lost in this world. Yet Master has repeatedly taught us:

“One should return to one’s original, true self; this is the real purpose of being human.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)

I used to think I was wholeheartedly cultivating and believed that cultivation was the most important thing in this life. But in reality, I didn’t understand what cultivation truly was. That’s why I never experienced the happiness of genuine cultivation, the kind that takes hardship as joy. The joy of an awakened life is completely different from the happiness I felt when I first encountered Dafa—a selfish kind of happiness that didn’t rely on anyone or anything, a lightness from feeling fortunate and protected. But it was still rooted in self-interest.

From my current shallow enlightenment, I now understand the fundamental transformation: True cultivation means believing that we are not here to live well. We are beings who fell to this realm because we were no longer worthy of higher realms—beings that should have been destroyed. This life is a chance to eliminate karma and atone through suffering. It means continuously removing attachments and desires to elevate our beings, not pursuing any personal benefit, not even benefits within cultivation itself.

It means wholeheartedly cultivating xinxing, transforming from the very depths of our selfish essence into a new life form that is selfless, altruistic, and ego-free, in accordance with Dafa. Only then can we truly return to our original true selves. Though I am still struggling on the path of letting go of this fundamental attachment of selfishness and ego, I truly feel incredibly fortunate and joyful that at this final hour, I can still come to understand:

““Having heard the Dao in the morning, one can die in the evening.”” (“Melt Into the Fa,” Essentials For Further Advancement)

With deepest gratitude, I thank Master for his boundless compassion and salvation!