Exposing and Eliminating My Resentment

(Minghui.org) I read many experience-sharing articles about eliminating resentment in Minghui Weekly and asked myself if I had any resentment—the answer was no. I didn’t seriously look within. In reality, I had resentment but it was deeply hidden. I’d like to tell you about some of my recent experiences.

When I went to see my 90-year-old cousin last month he mentioned my deceased husband and praised his merits. I was upset hearing this, thinking that my cousin favored him and had not mentioned how my husband hurt me. My complaints about him started to pour out.

My husband was a workaholic. He was always discriminated against by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) due to his family background, but he blindly believed in the CCP’s policy of “putting intellectuals in important positions.” For years, he worked hard without complaint and without thinking of his personal interests. He became seriously ill from years of overwork when he was in his 50s. After it used him up, the CCP discarded him. The company was going into bankruptcy so the employees stopped receiving salaries in the 1990s, and they no longer had any health benefits. We had to borrow money to pay the exorbitant costs of treating his illnesses. When he eventually passed away, all our money was gone. His workplace didn’t give us a penny for his funeral or his pension. When he died, I was left with his 96-year-old mother to care for and tens of thousands of yuan of debt, which was an astronomical figure for me!

My mind was still filled with grudges and I couldn’t calm down. I recalled another incident. My husband and I worked for the same company. As my superior, and in order to uphold his reputation, he promoted someone else over me. He went through hell for the sake of his reputation. Everyone in the company praised him, but I couldn’t get over what happened and my resentment caused me to develop various illnesses.

I started practicing Falun Dafa in 1995. Soon afterward, my illnesses were gone. I’m 86 now, but I glow with good health. Everyone I meet tells me that I don’t look my age. I tell them how Falun Dafa and Master gave me a second life. I’m grateful for Master’s salvation from the bottom of my heart. I wouldn’t be alive today if I didn’t practice Falun Dafa.

I stopped thinking about the past after I started practicing Falun Dafa. My resentment was tightly sealed and hidden for years—I want to expose it and eliminate it. Any attachment is a wall blocking my journey of cultivation.

I know nothing is coincidental for a cultivator. I must have owed some debts from my previous lifetimes, and I need to pay them back.

Master taught us to look within and eliminate our attachments, and it’s the only way to improve our xinxing and cultivation levels. On the surface I seemed to look within, but it was superficial. I deceived myself and failed to live up to Master’s compassionate salvation. As a veteran Falun Dafa practitioner, how can I follow Master to return home and save sentient beings if I continue holding onto my attachments? Isn’t this dangerous?

I also have an attachment to my reputation, and I resist criticism. A young practitioner once told me, “You haven’t done any good deeds in your life.” I was upset. Even though I controlled myself and didn’t argue with her, I couldn’t let it go.

Master taught us,

“If you can tolerate it and yet it preys on your mind, it is still not good enough.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)

I certainly hadn’t reached this realm, because I kept thinking, “It’s serious if I haven’t done any good deeds in my life! She said ‘my life’ not a certain period of time.” I couldn’t stop thinking about what she said.

The young practitioner is half my age, and we don’t know each other. How could she know anything about me? Her rudeness was obviously meant to help me dissolve karma and improve my xinxing. It was a great opportunity for me to let go of an obstacle in my cultivation. It was a good thing and I should thank her. Why did I keep dwelling on it? I finally thanked her in my mind after I realized this.

I must follow Master’s teachings and walk the path he arranged for me at the this final stage of Fa rectification. I will treasure the time to cultivate myself diligently and let go of all my attachments, notions, sentiments, and selfishness. Everything that happens is a good thing that helps me advance in my cultivation. I will cultivate compassion and altruism, assimilate to the Fa, and follow Master to return to my true origin.