Master Removed My Karma and Resolved My Depression

(Minghui.org) I began suffering from depression in 2002 when I was 40. I had insomnia and was extremely anxious. The feeling was hard to put into words. I even thought of killing myself. 

I went to a psychiatric hospital for treatment and made an appointment with a specialist. The specialist prescribed some medicine. But it not only didn’t help, I began experiencing a burning sensation in my chest. I then went to another specialist who gave me a different prescription, but it didn’t work, either. I tried five specialists, but none of them could help me. Instead, my condition worsened. It got to the point where I couldn’t bear it, and I started slapping my chest very hard. At other times, I was in so much pain that I hit my hands and my head against the wall. I still shudder when I think about it now.

As my condition continued to worsen, I could barely eat. I couldn’t even swallow rice porridge and I lost more than ten pounds. As Western medicine couldn’t cure my illness, I went to the Provincial Hospital of Traditional Chinese Medicine. I took the Chinese medicine the doctor prescribed, but I still didn’t get better. I went to another Chinese medicine specialist who gave me a different prescription, but it only made my condition worse. I then tried some private clinics of both Western and traditional Chinese medicine. 

One clinic prescribed a dark brown pill, which made me feel better immediately. But after taking it for a while, the doctor advised me to not take it anymore. He said the medicine contained a hormone and was not a cure for my disease. If I kept taking it, it would harm my health. Moreover, that medicine was very expensive, costing more than 800 yuan a week; I simply couldn’t afford to pay for it. After I stopped taking the medicine, my condition worsened.

I was in pain every second, and I wanted to commit suicide. However, my daughter had just been admitted to a prestigious high school. We were very close and I thought if I died, it would be a huge blow and greatly impact her studying for the college entrance examination. I told myself, “No, I can’t die. My daughter isn’t married and still needs me. I have to live!” I looked for doctors and tried different medicines. I even spent 100 yuan to see a spiritual healer, but it was no use.

I struggled for more than a year, during which time my husband, my brother, and my sister took turns looking after me. I wanted to die, but I couldn’t leave my daughter; but if I lived, I was in unbearable pain. My situation was desperate.

A Ray of Hope

A woman named Jing lived in my residential community and practiced Falun Dafa. She knew of my condition and tried to persuade me to practice Falun Dafa several times, but I said I was too restless and couldn’t sit still. In the Fall of 2003, she came to visit me again. Seeing my condition, she said, “Let’s take a walk to relax.” I felt so hopeless and helpless, but after she said that, I felt hopeful. So I followed her outside. We walked along the road near my apartment, and then she took me to her home.

Incredibly, as soon as I stepped into her home, my symptoms were relieved—my whole body felt light and comfortable. She said, “I’ll play some music. If you like it, we can turn up the volume. If you feel irritated, we’ll turn it off.” I hadn’t been able to listen to any music after I became depressed. Even my favorite songs irritated me. But this time I wanted to give it a try. I don’t remember whether she played Pudu or Jishi, but when I heard the music, I didn’t feel irritated at all. The music was elegant, and I felt very comfortable and calm. The more I listened, the calmer my mind was.

I asked her what kind of music it was and why it sounded so good. She said, “This is Falun Dafa music.” Seeing that I felt better, she asked me, “Would you like to practice the Falun Dafa meditation exercise?” Because I felt so much better, I said yes. After I meditated for an hour, I no longer felt irritated.

She cooked some porridge at noon. I usually had trouble eating, but I ate three bowls. Although I didn’t know anything about Dafa and didn’t understand how I got better, I knew very well that my improvement must be related to trying the practice. Otherwise, after seeing so many doctors for more than a year, how could I get better so quickly? She asked if I dared to practice Falun Dafa. I knew the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) was severely persecuting Dafa, but I thought, “As long as I don’t suffer from depression, I’m not afraid of any persecution.” So I firmly agreed. From then on, I began to study and practice Falun Dafa.

I still felt good after I left Jing’s but once I arrived home, I began to feel a bit restless again. However, the symptoms were much lighter and I could bear it. That night, I fell asleep and slept soundly. The next day, my family told me that I even snored. When I later read the Fa, I realized that Master Li was very compassionate. In order to enlighten me and guide me to enter Dafa cultivation, He removed the mountain of illness karma from me. As I write about this, I’m overwhelmed with joy, and my eyes are filled with tears. 

At the same time, I learned about the “no loss, no gain” principle of the universe. So Master did not remove all of the karma from me and left a little bit for me to bear. But I didn’t realize this right away. That afternoon and the next morning, my family used their connections to contact more well-known experts from the Provincial Traditional Chinese Medicine Hospital and the Provincial Psychiatric Hospital and decided to treat me with both traditional Chinese medicine and Western medicine. I ended up taking medicine and practicing Falun Dafa at the same time.

During that period, I went to Jing’s home every day and read the teachings and practiced the exercises with her and her husband. Because I grew up indoctrinated with CCP culture, I believed in evolution and atheism. For a long time, I didn’t believe in the existence of gods and Buddhas, and I didn’t understand that Falun Dafa is a Buddhist practice. Looking back, my enlightenment quality was really poor at the time.

My Amazing Experiences

As I studied the Fa and practiced the exercises, my condition improved day by day, and soon my depression was gone. The cervical spondylosis that I suffered from for more than ten years also disappeared. I then began to experience various miraculous phenomena. 

After I practiced the exercises for a week, Master opened my celestial ear. When I was doing the second exercise, I felt a stream of air rushing into my left ear and then rushing out of my right ear, which made my ears hurt a little. After I finished doing the exercises, I could still hear the Dafa music playing. 

Master adjusted my legs every day. They felt warm sometimes in one spot and then later they were warm in another spot. For several nights, I felt so warm that I had to take off my blanket, and I sweated profusely like I had taken a sauna. 

While I was practicing the sitting meditation, my upper body felt very light. It was as if my heavy physical body no longer existed. I also had no thoughts. I felt very wonderful and comfortable; the feeling is hard to describe.

Jing introduced me to other practitioners. I joined several Fa study groups and read the Fa and shared experiences in them. The technical practitioners helped me buy a computer and installed the software for me to be able to break through the CCP’s Internet blockade. I also visited the Minghui and Zhengjian websites every day and read a lot of sharing articles written by practitioners. These broadened my horizons and opened up my mind. I gradually entered the extraordinary world of Dafa cultivation. When I read articles on Minghui, I was amazed and moved by other Dafa practitioners’ enlightenment in cultivation, their miraculous experiences of overcoming illness karma, and the countless miracles that Dafa manifested. I gradually broke through the shell of the CCP’s atheistic ideology. My righteous thoughts became stronger and stronger, and I firmly walked the path of Dafa cultivation.

Overcoming Fear

However, the pain of my depression caused me to have strong fear. I was unable to let go of it, and the old forces took advantage and strengthened my fear, making me too afraid to stop taking the medicine. When I decided to stop, I became so frightened that I trembled, and my depression seemed to return. I had been relying on medicine for many years. One day, Jing told me that when she was reading Zhuan Falun and read the first line of a paragraph, the line of words disappeared and six large silver characters appeared, which read: “Cultivators do not get sick.” These six characters were three dimensional and stood out from the paper. I immediately understood that this must have been Master’s hint for me. Jing encouraged me, “People who practice Falun Dafa do not have illnesses. Master has taken them away for us.” With her encouragement, I decided to stop taking the medicine. This time I put my heart at ease, and I left everything to Master. I just studied the Fa and practiced the exercises every day.

One afternoon, I was enduring the pain while reading Zhuan Falun. I clearly saw four or five gray round objects the size of soybeans enter my head through my left temple, moving from left to right in my head, then quickly move out of my body from the right temple after about four or five seconds. Afterwards, my symptoms were relieved, and my anxiety was gone. I felt very sleepy and wanted to go to bed. I was very excited because I realized that those gray round things were the spirits that tortured me. Master saw my firm heart and expelled those things from me. He knew that I hadn’t eliminated my notion of “illness,” and so he let me see those spirits and enlightened me as to what caused my depression.

Master clearly explained the essence of illness karma in Zhuan Falun. However, I was firmly trapped by human notions about illness and could not break through my human shell. I read a practitioner’s sharing on Minghui that was titled, “The Illusion of Illness.” I felt this practitioner has a very deep, thorough, and comprehensive understanding of illness karma. He wrote:

“Illness is an illusion that can baffle us. Illness itself is a false concept. It is not the real reason people suffer or die. 

“People have been deluded by the false phenomenon of illness for thousands of years and can’t break out of this mindset.

“As I understand it, illness is a divine being’s arrangement, meant to keep humans from understanding the truth of the universe. 

“Illness is arranged by higher beings, who decide when a person will pay the debts they owe, how they will pay, and how much pain they will suffer. When the debt is due, the switch is turned on.”

This was very inspiring to me.

When my understanding of illness karma changed, I was able to gradually break through the human notion of illness. Under Master’s compassionate protection and repeated enlightenment, as well as the help of fellow practitioners, I gradually let go of my fear of depression. Without taking any medicine, my health kept improving, and I recovered completely.

After I eliminated my fear of getting sick, when I read Zhuan Falun and Master’s other lectures, it felt different from before, and I was able to see more and more high-level Fa principles. I suddenly understood many things I didn’t understand before. Whenever I passed a xinxing test, let go of an attachment, or realized a higher level Fa principle, my whole body vibrated. It felt like every cell was moving, every pore of my body was open, and my internal organs were clear. It was a miraculous feeling!

In order to improve in my cultivation as quickly as possible, I didn’t waste time and studied the Fa a lot. Especially after I retired, I read the Fa for five or six hours every day and also memorized the Fa. I wanted my mind to be filled with the Fa! I’ve memorized Zhuan Falun more than ten times, and I can now recite the first three lectures, especially the first lecture, which I can recite without looking at the book. I also repeatedly read Master’s other lectures. The more I study, the clearer my mind becomes, the greater meanings I see, and the more I dissolve into the Fa. I feel that I’m bathed in the Buddha’s light every day. When I remember that I’m Master’s disciple and when I think about the fact that He is by my side watching over me, I’m almost overwhelmed with joy.

I’m so fortunate to practice Falun Dafa in the Fa-rectification period. I can never return to the ordinary world again, even if all the wealth in the entire world was offered to me. I only want to cultivate Dafa, escape the sea of suffering in the human world, and go home with Master. This is the voice from the bottom of my heart!

Thank you, Master, for your compassionate salvation. Thanks to all the fellow practitioners who have helped me.