Rethinking My Role as a Wife and Mother

(Minghui.org) I left China nearly five years ago, and I’ve worked on the RTC Platform for nearly two years. I benefited greatly from interacting with other practitioners as we talked about our cultivation experiences and called people in China to tell them about Falun Dafa and the Chinese Communist Party’s (CCP) persecution.

I thank Master Li for the opportunity to participate on the platform and thank all my fellow practitioners for their support and assistance. I’d like to tell you about some of my recent cultivation insights.

My Family Environment Is a Cultivation Opportunity

Before I married, I felt my future family would be beautiful; I would live with my “prince” happily ever after. However, there’s a difference between fantasy and reality. My marriage was impacted by the karmic relationship between my husband and me, as well as our self-centered mindset formed in the Communist Party culture.

I’m a Falun Dafa practitioner, so I must be willing to face family conflicts. Fortunately, I was able to change from holding grudges and making accusations to embracing gratitude and practicing tolerance.

Whenever a conflict arose, and I felt bitter, Master’s Fa dissolved the knots in my heart.

Master taught us that practitioners must be good people wherever we are, so I examined my behavior and thought about whether I conformed to Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance unconditionally and was a good wife to my husband. I found my shortcomings and all sorts of attachments, such as jealousy, resentment, desire for rewards, self-righteousness, and an obsession with affection.

Master said,

“Qing is the fundamental source for the breeding of attachments.” (“Teaching the Fa and Answering Questions in Guangzhou,” Explaining the Teachings of Zhuan Falun)

I realized that only by taking qing (emotion) lightly and being rational could I handle the relationship with my husband well. From then on, when each conflict occurred, even if I felt wronged, as soon as I thought of unconditionally assimilating to Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance, my heart brightened.

I gradually learned to listen, and I stopped being self-centered. When we had different opinions, I learned to tolerate, and my mind became more and more calm.

Moreover, I learned to appreciate my husband’s good qualities—for example, he treats people with generosity and kindness, he is tolerant and accommodating, and is resilient when encountering difficulties. I realized I was blinded and lost in human attachments without seeing things as they really were.

After we left China, my role in the family changed dramatically from being a professional woman with an advanced degree to becoming a housewife. I began to take each of my responsibilities—laundering, cooking, homemaking, attending to my husband, and caring for our child—seriously. I learned to settle into my role as a good wife and mother, and many of my warped notions changed.

Our child attended college out of town. When my husband seemed fatigued or depressed, his friends or coworkers asked if he was under too much financial pressure because he was our sole financial support. At first, I found the comments funny but, gradually, I felt they were irritating. Finally, I couldn’t stand it anymore and took it out on my husband.

I looked inward afterwards as to why my heart was moved by such remarks. I realized that deep down I still held onto the notion of equality between men and women. With my education and professional skills, I was offended that someone belittled my dependence and considered me a burden.

Master said,

“But let me tell you why I say that this situation is wrong, and that the advocacy of “independence” and “self-reliance” for women is wrong. People today always judge ancient people with modern people’s degenerate notions, and think that women were oppressed in ancient times. It’s actually not at all how modern people imagine it. In ancient China—in the entire world, actually, as Western society was the same—men knew how to treat their wives, and were considerate and cared for their wives; and wives also knew to be considerate of their husbands—that was the way yin and yang coexisted. If two yangs meet they fight; it doesn’t work if two yins meet, either. Yin and yang just supplement and complement each other, and are interdependent in their coexistence like this.”(“Fa Teaching Given at a Meeting in New York,” Teachings at Conferences in the United States)

I understood what kind of woman I should be. I apologized to my husband and thanked him for his hard work and taking care of me over the years. I told him that I would stop caring about what other people said, and I would be his supportive wife. In fact, my husband has always been supportive of my participation in the RTC platform project.

From then on, I understood the different roles of a man and a woman in the family. A woman’s caring, kindness, and consideration play an important role in the growth of the children and the career development of the husband.

Letting Go of Ego

A year after I started working on the RTC platform, the coordinator asked me to facilitate the experience-sharing sessions. I was not confident, but I knew this was not coincidental. I felt there must be something I needed to cultivate and improve on, so I agreed.

I had no idea how to coordinate activities in such a large group. Unlike my previous everyday job in which I could follow the established guidelines such as duties, scope of work, and boundaries, there were no guidelines for coordinating experience sharing sessions.

Before the persecution, it was customary for everyone to sit in a circle to study, followed by talking about our experiences. That environment motivated me to be more diligent.

But without the ability to see one another’s facial expressions or body language, we had to rely entirely on our voices. I tried to figure out a way to help practitioners open up and communicate in this setting. I knew it was my responsibility to do a good job coordinating our meetings.

From the experience with my local Fa study group, the more honest one’s sharing was, the more it moved others. So I told myself, as a facilitator, I needed to be honest and sincere in my thoughts and speech.

It was a challenge for me because I was not good at expressing myself in front of an audience. But I realized I must change to create a good environment for everyone.

There was awkward silence sometimes. At the beginning, I felt embarrassed and overwhelmed. I looked inward and found the attachment to saving face. I told myself I should feel empathy for others—perhaps they did not have anything to share. I should not be outwardly demanding of others, but needed to do some preparation instead.

I realized I should not expect others to cooperate with me, but, rather, I should cooperate with others. I thought of giving up at times, but when I calmed down and reflected on myself, I found I was looking outward instead of looking inward to improve my xinxing.

I also found I had an attachment to self-protection, fame, and self-interest. I decided to let go of my old notions and stop wasting my energy on them. I wanted to use my energy on how to better to harmonize our group environment.

When I did not do well, I told myself not to be discouraged; when I did well, I cautioned myself to position my starting point and lower myself—I’m the coordinator not because I’m capable, but because I have human attachments that I must remove, and this was a cultivation opportunity.

I once shared my views on a certain matter during a session, and another practitioner suggested that I should treat the matter with more tolerance. I suddenly felt ashamed and realized what the practitioner said was correct.

Digging deeper, I found I had an attachment to fame and self-interest. If someone corrected my wrongdoings, wouldn’t it be a good lesson for others to see? It serves the purpose of experience sharing as long as they can learn from it and improve.

I still have a lot of shortcomings. I hope to cultivate myself well and cooperate with everyone.

This concludes my understanding. Please kindly point out anything improper.