Snapping Out of Resentment After My Divorce

(Minghui.org) My husband had an affair and insisted on divorcing me. He threatened me by saying that he’d report to the police that my parents were Falun Dafa practitioners, which left me in a dilemma.

When I first met my now ex-husband, we worked in the same company. He grew up in the countryside and had lived a difficult life since childhood. He only received education up to junior high school and started out as an errand boy in the company. My family’s financial situation was much better than his. I also obtained a higher education and earned a higher income.

He worked very hard, however, and was good at learning new things. We later set up a small business from scratch. We had to endure a lot of hardship during the process. In the beginning, I helped him greatly. In order to save on expenses, I worked during the day, then worked late to help him with his company. He was busy all day long, running around for various social events and rarely had the opportunity to go to bed before midnight. He was exhausted!

With our joint efforts, the company gradually got on the right track, as we obtained a practice certificate and became well-known in the industry. Our living conditions improved significantly, from renting a house to buying our own home. We also had a lovely son. At the time, I was not very focused on my work because I was taking care of our child. But my husband was not satisfied with this arrangement and worked harder to make money. The difference in our attitudes toward life gradually became obvious.

My father is a retired military officer, and my mother was the head of a work unit. They began practicing Falun Dafa in 1997 and 1998 respectively. I personally witnessed them regain healthy bodies through cultivation, and how they maintained their steadfast belief in Dafa under cruel persecution by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). I’d check out Master Li Hongzhi’s book, Zhuan Falun, when I was at school or work, but I didn’t start practicing.

After our financial situation improved, I enjoyed traveling and shopping. I felt that I had contributed a lot to the company, and it was time for me to enjoy myself.

A young woman, Zen, who was under 20 years old joined the company. She worked diligently and was competent. We got along very well. I usually gave her gifts of whatever I bought for my office or car. We were like sisters. I never would have imagined that my husband would have an affair with her. Someone warned me, but I felt that Zen was like my sister. I treated her so well, how could she have an affair with my husband?!

Their relationship lasted for seven years, and I was completely unaware of it. When my son turned 12 years old, my husband asked for a divorce. I was stunned! My colleagues and friends laughed at me as everyone knew about their affair except me. They advised me to sue him and helped me find a lawyer and a judge.

But I didn’t want to go through a divorce, because it would hurt the child too much. I told my husband that he could have a mistress outside of our marriage, but for the sake of the child, the family couldn’t be broken up. My husband didn’t agree. When he heard that I asked Zen to leave the company, he became furious and started hitting me.

At the time, I could still remember “ ... you won’t fight back when you’re beaten or sworn at ... ” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun) I tried to dodge his fists, but ended up with a broken finger and bruises all over my body. He threatened to report my parents to the police for practicing Falun Dafa. I was scared, as I knew about the CCP’s brutal treatment of practitioners. How could I harm my parents because of the failure of my marriage? I didn’t think my husband would be so cruel.

So everything was done according to his requests. Our property, the company assets, and our son belonged to him. I decided to give up the lawsuit and broke off our marriage. However, my resentment for him and his mistress always tormented my heart.

I remarried two years later. After I had another child the following year, my lower back started to hurt so badly that I couldn’t sit down or stand up; it was hard for me to even walk! Every time I tried to get out of the car, my husband had to pull me out. My parents-in-law lived far away from us, and they were not in good health, so I couldn’t rely on them.

My husband was a taxi driver and couldn’t afford to hire a nanny. So my mother, who was over 70 years old, came to help me every other day. She also tried to talk me into studying the Fa and doing the exercises.

I had read Dafa books and done the exercises before. I also helped my mother to paint truth-clarification banners and assisted her with other projects for saving sentient beings. My mother had talked with me many times, and I finally made up my mind to start practicing Falun Dafa. I put my heart into it this time and nobody could change my mind! With this steadfast thought, Master helped me. On the same day, my lower back stopped hurting. When my husband witnessed this, he was very supportive of me practicing Dafa.

Dafa Resolved My Resentment for My Ex-Husband’s Family

When my son called his stepmother a “mistress” in text messages, I didn’t stop him and felt happy. When I calmed my mind, seriously read Zhuan Falun and Master’s new lectures, I came to understand the significance for one to return to one’s original true self. Only by cleansing one’s every notion can one get rid of one’s human shell. I was so embarrassed when comparing myself with Dafa’s standards. All the grudges between people are karmic consequences of past lives. Master enlightened me in a dream: In one lifetime, this woman was married to my ex-husband, and I was the mistress.

I told my son that since she was his stepmother, he should respect her and shouldn’t call her a “mistress” behind her back. When I asked him if he listened when she criticized him, he said no. I was a bit worried. My mother helped bring up my son to be kind and considerate. He could also recite some poems in Hong Yin. But resentment had clouded our minds.

I found several things I did wrong. I first admitted my mistakes to my son and told him that the divorce was my fault. I was not attentive to the management of the company and had not been a good assistant to his father. My son was a victim, and I was very sorry. Neither of us should blame his stepmother. We should follow Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance to be good people. Respecting elders and his stepmother was the most basic moral quality. My son also murmured: “Auntie is very good to me” and cited many examples.

During the pandemic, I took the initiative to get in touch with my son’s stepmother and asked her to meet. Before that, my heart went back and forth, as we hadn’t seen each other for a few years. When we met, she asked me in surprise, “Is it about the boy?”

“Not really,” I replied. “I’m relieved that you take care of my child. If he has any shortcomings, please go ahead and educate him. I wanted to meet you today to tell you something more important: Knowing the truth about Dafa and often reciting, ‘Falun Dafa is wonderful! Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is wonderful!’ as the best way to escape the plague.” I hoped that she could share what I told her with my ex-husband and her other family members. She agreed.

I talked to her about Dafa spreading all over the world, the CCP’s persecution against Dafa, and why one should quit the Party and its youth organizations. I also gave her a USB drive with more information. She agreed to quit the Youth League and Young Pioneers without hesitation. We chatted like old friends who hadn’t met for quite a while. Seeing her face change from a slightly panicked expression to a smiling and grateful one, I no longer felt any resentment. On my way back home, I was very relaxed. It was Dafa that unlocked my heart. Tears of gratitude kept running down my face!

Resolving Grievances with My Ex-Husband

My son studied at a foreign language school in another city. He was far away from me and could only visit a few times a year. It was only when we met that I found out he wasn’t doing well. He was at a rebellious age. He often drank and was punished by the school for smoking. What made his father sad was that no matter how much he spent on his son, he did not appreciate it.

My ex-husband wanted to talk to me about the situation. A thought flashed in my mind, “Now you think of me!” I became alert that I was a practitioner and told my ex-husband, “The child cannot be blamed entirely, as it has a lot to do with our divorce, especially my failure to fulfill my responsibilities as a mother. Ask him to come and see me, and I can help him understand the difficulties you’ve gone through.” Afterward, he was relieved and felt a bit guilty.

My sister, also a practitioner, reminded me, “You have complained about your son not coming to see you, why don’t you go find him?” I knew that I was wrong. Instead of looking inward, I had looked outward. My son was far from me. For him to come visit, he needed to do two transfers, and it would have taken him an hour and a half one way. Especially during the pandemic, his father didn’t feel it was safe to let him ride the transit by himself.

For young people nowadays, chatting online and playing video games are more important to them than anything else. How could he think of coming to see me during his short school breaks? The next day, I planned to invite my son out for dinner.

I had lived with my son’s paternal grandmother for 10 years. Although my attitude toward my ex-husband’s career wasn’t to his liking, I treated his mother well. We got along well and never argued. She always told others how good I was. Why shouldn’t I visit her? So I bought some expensive fruits and went to my ex-husband’s house.

As soon as the door opened, I called out “Mom!” She came over and hugged me tightly, as we looked at each other with tears in our eyes. It had been eight years since we last met. I regretted that I hadn’t been in touch for so long. I should have visited her more often a long time ago.

I had a lot of resentment for her because she had always denied that her son had an affair when we were going through the divorce. This hug instantly dissolved my resentment!

After I got back home, my ex-husband was very touched and said on the phone: “Thank you! Thank you!” I also apologized to him for my wrongdoings. My son is no longer so hostile to his father, and their relationship is slowly getting better.