[Celebrating World Falun Dafa Day] “Why Can’t I Practice Such a Good Exercise?”

(Minghui.org) I am a teacher who started practicing Falun Gong in 1997. I have stumbled on my cultivation path and always felt that I was not doing well and that I was too far behind my fellow practitioners. I didn’t want to write this paper, but for the past few days I have been reading sharing articles by practitioners on Minghui.org urging everyone to write their own cultivation stories. That motivated me to write about my own cultivation experiences to verify the greatness of Master and the greatness of the Fa.

My mother started to practice Falun Gong, also known as Falun Dafa due to an illness, so I also started to cultivate. When I read the book for the first time, I saw this sentence:

“The most fundamental characteristic of this universe, Zhen-Shan-Ren, is the highest manifestation of the Buddha Fa. It is the most fundamental Buddha Fa.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)

I thought that was so good, so true. I felt that I had suddenly realized that the characteristic of the universe is Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.

I’d read all kinds of books since I was a child: ancient and modern Chinese books and foreign classics. I found Zhuan Falun a really magical book. So many years have passed, and I don’t know how many times I have read it, all nine lectures, just by reading through it repeatedly. I read it again and then read it again the next time, but I never get tired of it. When I read Zhuan Falun, I feel it is cleansing my soul and purifying me. This is the Dafa of the universe, and being able to become a disciple of Master and read Master’s Fa is the luckiest and happiest thing that ever happened to me.

Cultivating Myself

Over the years, the Minghui website has helped me a lot. I go there almost every day to read fellow practitioners’ articles. Many of their cultivation stories are shocking and moving. Sometimes, when it was difficult to pass a test, Master would show me a certain sentence in a practitioner’s article that would enlighten me and inspire me to look inward and overcome the difficulty.

At work I had conflicts with my colleagues. On the surface, they were bad, immoral, scheming, and unscrupulous. I did not get actively involved in seeing who was right or wrong, but I was passively involved.

This went on for seven years. It was originally caused by the ill intentions of the teachers in the office. I remember one time when I felt that I was treated unfairly, I said to my son, “Your mother is so innocent.”

Unexpectedly, my son said angrily, “You are so innocent? They are like that for you. It’s for you to cultivate that they are like that.” At that time, my xinxing was low, and I was entangled in the right and wrong of things. Although I knew that it was Master trying to enlighten me and that Master had told me this through my son, I still couldn’t let go of ordinary people’s notions and attachments.

I was proud of my high moral standards and was unwilling to let my colleagues humiliate me. I felt that they were simply too awful even as they pretended to be good. At first, I endured it and ignored them, but then they went too far, so I fought back and felt that I’d won.

Actually, I knew that I had failed to pass this test in cultivation, but I just couldn’t get over it. I knew that my strength was limited and I needed to study the Fa more to get over these hurdles. When they deliberately humiliated people, provoked me, and made things difficult for me at work, I sometimes got angry, which was really uncomfortable. I held my breath, finished my work, and transcribed Zhuan Falun in my office so that my heart could slowly calm down.

I am a cultivator. As a cultivator, the superficial rights and wrongs are simply not important. The contradictions that arise are what give me opportunities to persist, cultivate my mind, and elevate myself. At first, they made fun of me, but I endured it and scolded them in my head, keeping my anger secret. Gradually, I told myself that I must look inward and find my attachments. I had looked down on them as filthy and despicable. I later saw the difficulties each of them faced in the human world, and saw their confusion and ignorance as a result of the moral decline in the human world. They were not so bad that they were beyond salvation. They all had a bottom line and still had a conscience.

It was a long process: anger, grievances, hatred, tearfully enduring, fighting back, being impatient, and fighting back, over and over again. I continued to study the Fa, and Dafa changed me. By reading Master’s books, I come to understand the meaning of life and the truth about loss and gain. As a Dafa disciple, it doesn’t matter who is right or wrong. I always have to look inward, find my attachments, and get rid of my bad notions.

Master’s Fa is constantly dissolving the bad notions that I have formed in my lifetime and eliminating the bad ideas that are ingrained in me. I sincerely thank my colleagues from the bottom of my heart. Master took advantage of these conflicts to make me see my attachments and help me to improve. In this process, I found all kinds of attachments: the fighting mentality, jealousy, contempt for others, resentment, vindictiveness, hatred, unkindness, self-righteousness, and arrogance.

Thank you, Master, for teaching me Dafa and allowing me to understand the true meaning of life, cleanse myself, and return to my true home.

If I Believe in Master and the Fa, I Will Be Able to Overcome the Difficulties

Over the years since the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started to persecute Falun Gong, I have been harassed many times and threatened with the loss of my job many times. The district education commission, the school principal, and the Party secretary have all talked to me. The Public Security Bureau and the Political and Legal Affairs Committee formed a joint investigation team to come to our school to try to arrest me. However, under Master’s protection, I came through without being in any danger.

Looking back over the process of passing these tests, I have this sense: Our own karmic debts in history, our human notions and jealousy, and persecution by the old forces will bring us all kinds of troubles. Only if we follow Master’s requirements, clarify the truth, look inward, believe in the Fa, and let go of attachments, will we be able to overcome it all.

I remember about 20 years ago I told my class the truth about Falun Gong in class, and one student reported me. Officials from the Education Bureau and the Police Department came to the school to investigate. It was government policy that “Falun Gong practice is not permitted at school” and teachers who practiced it would be fired. I was young then and had just started working. I was divorced and single, and my son was young. I really felt stressed, and it was very difficult.

I cried all the way home. On the one hand, I never wanted to give up Dafa, but if I didn’t have a job, what would I do? At night when I couldn’t sleep, I got up and greeted Master with a cup of tea. I said to his picture on my wall, “Master, this time I will be honest. I will never say or do anything against my heart.” (In the past when the school investigated the practice of Falun Gong, I once handed in a copy of Zhuan Falun against my will). As soon as I finished speaking, I felt a Falun turning quickly in my abdomen.

A few days later, I went to the school secretary and said that I would not sign anything. As a teacher, I had not done anything that I should not have done. I had not said anything that I should not have said. I was doing the right thing to tell my students to be good people who are sincere, kind, patient, and tolerant. The next day, I was called in and told that everything was okay and that the investigation team was gone.

The next incident was even more menacing. They learned that I was still practicing Falun Gong, so the Political and Legal Affairs Committee and the Police Department were getting ready to investigate me. When my family found out about it, they were worried and anxious. They advised me to say that I would not practice Falun Gong or be vague when they asked me if I would. Otherwise, I might be suspended or even lose my job.

That night, I sat on my bed and kept sending righteous thoughts. I realized that if something like that was happening to me, there must be a loophole in my cultivation. The old forces had caught me, so I had to look inward to find my problems. At that time, I was still having conflicts with my colleagues. It had already been seven years. Although I had gotten rid of a lot of attachments, and many of my notions had faded, I still had not completely let go of them, especially my fighting mentality, which reared its head from time to time. I cried and said to Master, “Master, I was wrong. My fighting mentality is too strong. I don’t want those bad things like fighting, jealousy, and resentment. Master, help me, help me get rid of them. I want to take her (the colleague I had a conflict with) to dinner and tell her I’m sorry.”

Just then, I felt a big, round, bad thing in my heart dissolve. Miraculously, when I thought of her again, when I thought of what had happened, I felt at peace. The fighting mentality and resentment seemed to have been removed from me. For the first time in many years, I thought of her without a trace of hatred.

In those days, I focused on studying the Fa, sending righteous thoughts, and looking for my attachments.

One morning over 10 days later, the principal told me that in the afternoon, investigators from the Political and Legal Affairs Committee, the 610 Office, and the Police Department would come, and they might take some action. I replied that it was possible I might lose my job, but I wouldn’t sign anything to renounce Falun Gong, that I was a good person and had not done anything bad, and that the government should not treat me like this.

When I got home at noon, I was indescribably nervous and sad. This time, the biggest attachment I wanted to let go of was self-interest. I was about to retire, and my job was a really good one, a position that many people would have wanted. If I persisted in practicing Falun Gong, I might lose everything. I might face all kinds of persecution. What would happen to me? What would people think about Dafa because of me?

I regretted not cultivating well. I was emotional, stubborn, afraid of hardship, and didn’t cultivate my speech. I loved to wear beautiful clothes—I had so many attachments. I’d betrayed Master’s compassion and salvation. All sorts of thoughts clamored in my head.

I was still confused and nervous as I left the house. Sitting on the bus, I suddenly made up my mind: The most important question they would ask me, perhaps the first question, would be: “Do you still practice Falun Gong?” I would tell them, “I will practice forever.” That would be my answer, nothing else. As soon as this thought appeared, all the fear was gone, my heart was quiet, and my body was no longer sore. When I walked through the school gate, I walked briskly and felt relaxed.

In another dimension, a battle between good and evil must have been raging. A few cars were parked in the small square in front of the building. I sat in my office and didn’t think about anything. I just recited Master’s Fa:

“If you are a true cultivator, our Falun will safeguard you. I am rooted in the universe. If anyone could harm you, he or she would be able to harm me. Put simply, that person would be able to harm this universe.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)

“I’m Li Hongzhi’s disciple, I don’t want other arrangements or acknowledge them”—then they won’t dare to do that. So it can all be resolved. When you can really do that, not just saying it but putting it into action, Master will definitely stand up for you.” (Teachings Given on Lantern Festival Day, 2003)

“Be resolute cultivating Dafa, the mind unstirredAscending in levels is what’s fundamentalFaced with tests, a person’s true character is revealedMay you achieve Consummation—Buddha, Dao, or God”(“True Character Revealed,” The Essentials of Diligent Progress II)

I just kept reciting non-stop. When I was nervous, I said to myself, “Master, help me. Master, help me.” At any moment they were supposed to come and take me to the conference room, but 10 minutes passed, then 15, 30, an hour, two hours, and no one came for me. In the end, the persecution disappeared. I knew that our Great Master has always been watching over me and had enlightened me.

At that time, by chance, several practitioners had come to my house one after another. I remember that they said, “If the evil asks you if you will practice or not, you should say, ‘Yes, why can’t I practice such a good exercise?’”

At that time, I thought it was Master blessing me by using those practitioners and telling me what to do. Another practitioner told me about a fellow practitioner who, whenever she encountered any danger, always shouted, “Master, save me! Master, save me!” and she thought of Master. It showed that she had faith in Master. What these practitioners said gave me a lot of encouragement. In those days, I often couldn’t help but say, “Master, help me! Master, help me!”

Because I practice Falun Gong, I have been questioned by leaders many times and have faced danger many times. But I knew in my heart that none of the people I dealt with had any ill will toward me. They were just fulfilling their so-called political tasks and would protect me in their own way. Maybe they couldn’t understand our persistence and faith, but any leader who comes into contact with me understands in their heart that I am a good person and a conscientious employee, not even close to being a member of a “cult.”

Dafa disciples during the Fa-rectification period know their mission is to save people. I have a sincere wish for everyone who comes to talk to me because of Falun Gong: In this world, I don’t want any life to be destroyed because of persecuting me, a Dafa disciple. No matter what kind of grievances they have, I sincerely hope that everyone I know can make the right choice, not persecute Dafa, and have a bright future.

I still have a lot of attachments that I need to get rid of, especially because I pursue comfort. I haven’t done well in doing the exercises. I am still far from Master’s requirements. In the future, I must cultivate more diligently to do the three things well, and live up to Master’s compassion and salvation.

After cultivating for more than 20 years, Falun Dafa is deeply rooted in my life—I am a life for the Fa. I want to be brave and diligent, assimilate to Dafa, assimilate to Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, achieve success, and return to my true home.

Thank you, Master, for your compassion and salvation.

(Selected submission in celebration of World Falun Dafa Day on Minghui.org)