Eliminating Resentment and Improving My Tolerance

(Minghui.org) I recently participated in a project that seemed simple on the surface, but became complicated as time went on. I felt I was under pressure and started getting irritated. I later realized this was due to my attachment to comfort. I knew it was wrong and I should eliminate it, but I didn’t.

The interference got worse and some days I was full of resentment about the project, my family, or my job. It was really bad last weekend and I went to bed thinking, “How can I eliminate my resentment?”

When I did the second exercise for an hour, I repeatedly thought about my grievances. I kept telling myself that they were all emotions and I should just focus on the exercise. Then I remembered Master’s Fa, “But true improvements come from letting go, not from gaining or getting your way.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2002 Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.,” Collected Teachings Given Around the World Volume II)

After I finished doing the exercise, I realized that I should set my heart right and eliminate my resentment.

Master said,

“Consider the following: If you pay careful attention to your thoughts, you will find that they will change in an instant. Within a split second many thoughts can pop up, and you won’t be able to tell where they came from. Some thoughts are rather bizarre, in which case they are notions from your many past lives. They will come forth when you meet with trouble.” (Teachings at the First Conference in North America)

When I complained to my mother about my husband or coworkers, a voice reminded me, “Complaining is what humans do.” I suddenly felt ashamed and realized that my true self doesn’t want to complain. I understood that only by expanding my tolerance, could I change my sentimentality into compassion. I knew I needed to improve my character.

In answering the question “How does a person increase his tolerance level?” Master said,

“During your cultivation it will naturally expand, as this is not something that you can will. The more attachments that are let go, the bigger one’s heart becomes and the greater one’s tolerance.” (Teachings at the Conference in Australia)

I saw I had another attachment—the attachment to material gain. I often blamed my family members for spending my money, which was also part of my resentment.

Master taught us,

“When people want to protect themselves, their thoughts arise from selfishness—a self-serving desire. They don’t want suffering, only happiness and good fortune.” (Teachings at the First Conference in North America)

I always thought that I didn’t care about money in the past, because I came from a family where I didn’t have to worry about it. When I found it was getting harder to cooperate with practitioners in the project and I looked inward, I realized that it wasn’t true that I didn’t have an attachment to money, just like I always thought that I wouldn’t be uncooperative when I participated in projects.

The first ten years after I started practicing Falun Dafa, I went all out in every project. However, as time went by, sometimes I went beyond my physical capacity. Once, it was so serious that I could barely get out of bed. Due to various experiences, I developed fear when I began participating in new projects, especially when I did coordination work. One day I had a thought, “You should shoulder the responsibility and do the job well. Don’t let sentient beings down.” But when conflicts happen, given all the complicated factors involved, sometimes it’s still hard for me to break through. It’s only through Master’s encouragement and compassion that I was able to hold onto the wish to do better and increase my righteous thoughts.

I also realized that I had the thought of doing things for Master. But behind this thought, I found the hidden cunning wish to be rewarded. When things don’t go the way I want, my resentment may flare up.

We must cultivate ourselves, instead of being passive. Only if we are willing to cultivate ourselves can we return to our original homes. We can only do this if we are willing to endure hardships and regard suffering as a good thing.

My understanding of the Fa principles was superficial in the past. Now my understanding is that Master has high hopes for us because he expects us to succeed in cultivation. I have faith that we can do this, and I understand that the process of increasing my tolerance is to develop compassion for all living beings.

These experiences reminded me that nothing happens by chance in cultivation. When I resist the thought to act impulsively or avoid certain projects, certain practitioners or ordinary people, I know that I’m making progress. I send more righteous thoughts, study the Fa more, and do better.

Thank you Master! Thank you fellow practitioners!