Letting Go of Resentment on My Cultivation Path

(Minghui.org) I began Dafa cultivation in 1995. The last 20-plus years of my cultivation have been bumpy. I struggled with family tribulations, particularly those targeting my resentment. However, Master Li, the founder of Falun Dafa, has empowered me all along, and I have been able to walk my cultivation path with resilience. 

Resentment Toward My Husband

In the beginning, my husband was strongly against my practicing Falun Dafa. At that time, the persecution hadn’t started, yet his reaction was already a bit hysterical. He often beat me to the point where I had bruises. He chopped up the sitting mat I brought with me to the Fa-study group. He sold our property behind my back, beat our child, tried to divorce me, and tore up my Dafa books. You name it, he did it. 

After the persecution began, I held the Dafa book, quietly weeping. I thought to myself: Master, what could happen, would it be more difficult later on? When I opened the book, I happened to see this passage of Master’s Fa: 

“Someone has asked me, “Teacher, why don’t you eliminate this problem?” Think about it, everyone: If we clear all obstacles in your path of cultivation, how will you cultivate? It is under the circumstance of demonic interference that you can demonstrate whether you can continue your cultivation, be really enlightened to the Tao, be unaffected by interference, and be sure-footed in this school of cultivation. Great waves shift the sand, and that is what cultivation is all about.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)

I came to understand: This perhaps was a true cultivation environment. After I wiped my tears, I became firm. Regardless of how others behave, I would cultivate to the end.

For 28 years, I have made it this far in the midst of my husband’s cursing. If the cooking pot wasn’t cleaned thoroughly, he would curse me. When there was one piece of hair on the floor, he would curse me. When he either saw or thought of my side of the family, he would curse me. When he didn’t feel well, he would curse me. When I left for a while and didn’t tell him where I went, he would curse me. When I answered his call a bit late, he would curse me. He would even yell at me when he felt that I was not acting properly during different occasions. 

He was once injured in an accident at the construction site where he worked, and was hospitalized for over 20 days. I took care of him at the hospital around the clock, with no one giving me a hand. I didn’t get a chance to take a shower for about a dozen days. At night, I would sleep in the hallway of the hospital and didn’t get a good sleep. One time, only because I returned to his side a little bit late, he began yelling at me. A nurse who saw it couldn’t stand it and scolded him: “That is outrageous!” she said. 

Amidst my husband’s scoldings, I went from enduring him at first, to later turning a deaf ear to him. On the surface, I seemed to be holding back and not arguing with him, yet deep down, a great deal of resentment had built up. When I did Dafa work, I would hide my doing so from him if I could. Then I later developed fear. I was afraid of his angry expressions and his vicious words. Gradually, I formed a habit: If he came home from working in another town, I did not go out to clarify the truth, or I did so only after he went out to do something.

Gradually, I realized that my cultivation environment was off, as I wasn’t behaving righteously: I am a cultivator, what I do is the most upright thing in the universe. Through Fa-study, I finally made up my mind to rectify this abnormal state so as to rectify my environment. This time, before I went out to talk to people about Dafa, I calmly said to him, “I’m going out to take care of something important. I’ll come back before a certain time.” In the past, I would often pretend I was going grocery shopping, or running some errand. This time, he only hemmed and didn’t swear. This tribulation seemed to be over. Since then, he no longer says anything. Now, when I study the Fa or clarify the truth to save people, he does not interfere with me. It was truly a manifestation of when our thoughts become righteous, the situation changes for the better. 

Resentment Toward My Daughter-in-law

My daughter-in-law was deeply poisoned by the Chinese Communist Party’s (CCP) propaganda. She and her parents were against Dafa and my cultivation. When she and my son first got married, her family still maintained a sense of superficial etiquette. Later on, they became more and more irrational.

One time, my grandson recited a Dafa poem. At first, my daughter-in-law praised her son for being smart, but when he recited a poem in Hong Yin III in front of her, she began to see it differently, and made an ugly-looking face. Then my grandson ran over to her and said seriously, “Mother, please remember: ‘Falun Dafa is wonderful! Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is wonderful!’ You’ll have a bright future.” Upon hearing his words, she had a temper tantrum, pointing at me and shouting, “I don’t allow you to teach my child this stuff. I’m a CCP member. I can go to the street to shout that, but dare you? Either you write a guarantee statement promising never to teach him that again, or you just leave and don’t worry about babysitting my child.” Then she took my grandson and went to her parents’ home to stay. 

Later, I talked my son into bringing her home. Then they were at peace again. 

My son used to cultivate with me when he was little. He stopped, but was fortunate enough to return to cultivation in 2020. While feeling happy for him, a tribulation came along. When my daughter-in-law realized that he practiced Dafa, she completely lost her senses. After she had a big fight with him, she threatened to report him to the police, but my son wasn’t moved. She indeed called the police. My son then quickly called me and asked me to transfer his Dafa materials to somewhere else, and he then canceled the Fa-study group at his home. 

Later, the police asked my daughter-in-law: You said your husband practices Dafa. Does he have any books? She replied, “He doesn’t have any hard copies, only e-books.” Then the officer said, “If that’s the case, then we can’t file this case.” A seemingly dangerous tribulation was dissolved by Master. Thank you, Master, for your benevolent protection!

Then my daughter-in-law called my husband, asking him to take charge of me, and she’d do the same with my son. In this intense family conflict, my husband showed rationality for the very first time. He said to me, “Take it easy. Bring our grandson over, and leave her alone.” 

Later, my daughter-in-law forced me to leave and not return. She got her mother to come over to stay with her for a month. Later on, as she and my son fought less and less, she began to notice the positive changes in him – for she didn’t like it when he used to drink and play games. 

Every time we ran into a conflict, I would treat her the same as before. I sympathized with her being a full-time working mother. When my son wasn’t around, I would help her clean the house, wash clothes, make good food for her, and take care of her child, so she could have more rest. I understood that she didn’t want to hear the truth about Dafa, so I purposefully let her witness it through my actions. 

My son often went on business trips, I would often stay with my daughter-in-law to help her pick up and drop off her child. When I went to her home, I would bring rice and flour with me, and buy vegetables on my own. One time I bought a handful of small green onions and took them to her home, and took back with me the bunch of green onions with yellow leaves that had been in the fridge for a while. At almost 8 p.m., my daughter-in-law called, asking me if I took her onions. I said, “I did when you were not at home, and I told my son.” She said, “He didn’t know anything about it.” I said, “I left the fresh green onions for you and took the withered ones home.” She said, “I wanted to keep them. Don’t take anything; just because you have the entrance key, you cannot grab anything you like from my home.” I said, “I understand. Let me bring them back to you.” So after 8 p.m., I took the transit to return the old onions to her. 

I didn’t get upset, but looked inward and realized my attachment of thinking that what I did was right, and treating my son’s family as my own. I told myself I would improve in cultivation and pay attention to such details. 

Resentment Toward My Son’s Mother-in-law

I realized that what my daughter-in-law did was instigated by her mother, behind my back. Every time she had a fight with my son, if she mentioned the matter to her mother afterward, it would escalate. One time her mother even hit my son, which was ridiculous and unreasonable in ordinary people’s eyes. 

What I mentioned about my daughter-in-law reporting my son to the police, her mother supported her doing it. Moreover, she went to my son’s company and made a big fuss to his supervisor. It was only because my son’s work performance was appreciated by the management there, that he wasn’t dismissed from work, but only demoted. These all came down to tribulations in his cultivation, and Master protected him. 

After my grandson was born, we initially agreed that my son’s mother-in-law and I would take turns babysitting him. However, she soon came up with various excuses not to come babysit him. She told her daughter the real reason she didn’t come: she wanted me to be tied up with babysitting so I would not have much free time to go out to talk to people about Dafa. 

It was extremely difficult for me during that time, as it was rather tiring to take care of a newborn. But what was even more painful was that I couldn’t do the three things as well as before. I lagged behind in studying the Fa, didn’t have enough time to do the exercises, let alone save sentient beings. I had illness karma symptoms such as blisters in my mouth, and my lower back and leg hurt. I had trouble sitting in the full lotus position for four months straight. My cultivation state was a bit off. 

I calmed down to look inward: How come so many conflicts have arisen? I decided to cultivate myself and eliminate my reliance on others. How could I rely on others’ help in my cultivation? This is my new cultivation environment, and I would need to cultivate myself in such an environment. 

When my grandson was little, I would put him in a stroller and push him around in the neighborhood. Whenever I ran into people with a predestined relationship with me, I would chat with them and clarify the truth to them. After he got a bit older, I would take him with me to hand out the truth-clarification materials in the residential area. The area I lived in was huge, with several dozen buildings. I miraculously obtained a master entry card, which facilitated my getting into each building. My grandson would walk in front, with me walking behind him. We worked with one another very well. Sometimes my grandson would also help me clarify the truth, by saying to people: “Grandpa and granny, please remember: Falun Dafa is wonderful! Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is wonderful!” 

Becoming More and More Peaceful 

After getting through the family trials, I finally snapped out of the resentment formed lifetime after lifetime. I eliminated it and compassion came forth. With that, I became more and more peaceful. 

There was also a miraculous occurrence I want to share. I lived on the top floor for ten years, and the roof leaked for ten years. As a result, my heart was tempered by it for that long, and I tried to look within. During a recent pouring rain, the leak finally stopped. Before that, I looked for the cause of the problem with my apartment, and had no success in locating the loophole in my xinxing. Today I finally enlightened: Amidst this perplexing resentment, my apartment also became a being I resented. I kept hating that it was the top floor and deemed that it’d leak water for sure; I also resented my son for buying it without listening to my advice. Consequently, I added my apartment, this being, into the network of my resentment and was tormented by my apartment for ten years. When I found the loophole in my xinxing, and snapped out of the resentment, the apartment was reborn. 

A few days ago, my daughter-in-law bought a case of golden white peaches for me online. They were big and sweet. I was so happy, as this was something that had never happened before. I rinsed the peaches and respectfully offered them in front of Master’s picture. I thought to myself: I don’t care how nicely my daughter-in-law treats me, I only hope that she can learn the truth and have a bright future! I hope all people will have a bright future! 

I feel so grateful for Master’s compassion!