Letting Go of My Ego and Its Underlying CCP Culture

(Minghui.org) I haven’t done well in letting go of “ego” in my cultivation and always felt that it was really hard to overcome this problem. I understood from the Fa principles that as a Dafa practitioner, I must let go of ego and selfishness, but in reality, I have often failed to do so.

Later, through Fa study and gaining a deeper understanding of the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, I realized that my selfish ego was deeply hidden in the evil elements of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) that had permeated my thoughts.

In the past, because I was used to the thinking and behavior of the CCP party culture, it was hard for me to distinguish what was my true self. This made it difficult for me to recognize my hidden ego. Thanks to Dafa, I began to see clearly how my ego was inflated and mutated by the evil CCP’s elements, and how the two reinforced each other and covered up each other.

I would like to share some of my personal understandings on finding and eliminating this ego.

Setting My Own Standards Based on My Ego

Once, I detected an attachment that I had: I felt very uncomfortable when what I liked was disagreed upon by others; similarly, when something I thought was bad was favored by others, I felt disgusted and resentful.

I looked inward to see what made me feel this way and found this ego in me that had been strengthened by the CCP’s culture, which always imposes its own ideology on others and tries to “unify people’s thoughts” and change others.

For example, when I believe something is good, I would expect others to feel the same way. When I think that something should be done in a particular way, I would expect others to think the same way, and would not want it to be done any other way. When others have different ideas, I would try to change their minds or criticize them until I got my way.

In short, I have always wanted others to be the same as me and found it hard to tolerate any differences, as if I was the one to set the standard, instead of conducting myself according to the standards of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.

This ego, reinforced by the CCP’s elements, would lead us to go to extremes. It tricks us into thinking that we are absolutely correct, so we always want others to be the same as us, liking what we like and feeling resentful towards things we despise.

I also found that sometimes even though I acted as if I was being unselfish on the surface, or had a lofty reason proving that I was right and others were wrong, there was in fact a strong self-interest at the root of my motivations, mixed with CCP culture.

For example, sometimes when I clarified the truth to people and persuaded them to quit the CCP organizations, I felt that I was being very reasonable and doing a good job for their benefit. I felt that I was trying to save them. Still, they did not accept what I was saying.

Looking within, I found that even though I meant well on the surface, I held a thought deep inside me: When I think something is good, you should think the same, and you should listen to what I want you to do. With such a mind influenced by CCP culture that wanted so badly to impose my own thoughts on others and validate myself, the outcome was naturally disappointing.

Before I realized my ego was empowered by the evil CCP’s elements, I often viewed myself as being right, while others were being unreasonable. I was often trapped in the everyday people’s way of thinking, wondering how others could have treated me like this. I often felt aggrieved. Through studying the Fa and solid cultivation, I gained a clearer understanding about this ego and became more capable of stepping out of everyday people’s reasoning to measure things with the Fa principles. I have found the root cause of my problems.

Jealousy and Absolute Egalitarianism

Master said,

“This jealousy is somehow related to the absolute egalitarianism that was once practiced: After all, if the sky falls, everyone should die together; everyone should have an equal share if there is something good; when it is time for a pay raise, whatever the percentage, everyone should get an equal share. This mentality appears to be fair, with everyone being treated equally. In fact, how can people be the same? The jobs they do are different, and so is the extent to which they fulfill their responsibilities. There is a principle in this universe called, “no loss, no gain.” To gain, one must lose. It is held among everyday people that one does not gain if one does not work for it. More work means more gained, less work means less gained. The more efforts one makes, the more returns one deserves.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)

I used to think that I do not have any notions about absolute egalitarianism since I did not live through that era, but I have now realized that it is also part of CCP culture. As long as one has been poisoned by this party culture, one would have these factors in one’s mind, even though they might manifest in different ways.

Through looking within, I found that I had a strong notion of absolute egalitarianism, and my ego was also reinforced by this notion. I thought that I should enjoy the same benefits as others, and I should not pay for or endure what others do not need to pay for or bear. I always expected to have the same things as others. Otherwise, I would find the situation hard to accept.

As a result, I became more and more selfish. I felt that I should have what I wanted to have and I shouldn’t have what I didn’t want to have. In short, my mind was filled with “me, me, me”, and when reality didn’t match my expectations, I would feel unbalanced inside, and start to harbor resentment, anger, jealousy, and a competitive mentality.

I wasn’t aware of the harm of jealousy in the past, but I now realize that jealousy can really weaken one’s righteous thoughts and suppress one’s will to practice cultivation. I feel that jealousy fundamentally goes against the characteristics of the universe, and it is an evil element that defies the arrangements of the universe. Its presence seriously affects one’s cultivation state.

In the past when I was not aware of my ego, I even thought it was only reasonable for me to feel jealous of others. My cultivation state also became really poor as I became more driven and controlled by my ego.

After learning how to conduct myself according to the Fa principles, I was able to distinguish my ego from my true self, and when jealousy tried to affect me again, I could tell that it was not my true self. I was able to grab it and let go of it through cultivation. I still need to be vigilant and continue to work hard to completely eliminate my jealousy so that it can no longer interfere with my cultivation.

The Evil Specter of Communism Is Against the Universe and Rejects the Divine

Communism is an evil specter that is extremely vicious and arrogant. It acts as if it were number one in the universe and has the final say in everything. The ego in our generation, influenced by degenerate concepts such as “my destiny is defined by me, not by heaven,” has been infinitely enlarged by the toxins of the CCP. Many people arrogantly believe they are so great and omnipotent that they can conquer everything.

After I have seen through this ego, I could see it everywhere in my way of thinking, and noticed that it was the root cause of many of my human attachments. For instance, when my ego had the opportunity to be recognized by people and showed off to people, I would experience some intense emotions and excitement. When it failed to be satisfied, I would feel depressed, lost, and world-weary. In fact, it was this ego at work behind all those emotions, not a Dafa practitioner’s true self.

When I read about the irrational and extreme behavior of the “Little Pinks” in news reports, I could see similar elements in myself. It’s only that they were deeply hidden and would not show up under normal circumstances. The most serious manifestation is that this ego would make me feel dissatisfied with things I encounter in my cultivation, which was tantamount to being dissatisfied with the cultivation path that Master has arranged for me. This is being disrespectful to Master and the Fa, and is absolutely unacceptable for a Dafa disciple. After I realized this, I made up my mind to completely get rid of this ego.

Do Not Get Confused

As I become more clear-headed about this “ego,” I have also realized that when problems arise, it is really my fault. I am in this situation because I have somehow turned myself against the way of the universe. Master has made various arrangements on our cultivation path to expose those degenerate elements and our attachments so that we can eliminate them through cultivation.

Therefore, whatever we encounter has a reason behind it. However, ego is hard to detect, especially when it was instilled in our minds by the CCP’s ideology since birth, so we must guide ourselves by the Fa to recognize such elements in ourselves and get rid of them. We must study the Fa more often and study the Fa well.

Starting Off on the Wrong Foot

While studying the Fa, I noticed that Master mentioned a number of times that “cultivating as if you were just starting will surely result in achieving your ultimate rank.” I never understood this very well because the persecution started before I could appreciate what cultivation really meant.

During the persecution, because I didn’t study the Fa well and didn’t know how to completely deny the old forces, I passively and helplessly endured interference and persecution. For a while I felt I was too tired to keep going, and sometimes I was just “lying flat” and not doing anything. Looking back, I felt that the beginning of my cultivation was terrible. How could it be any good?

Later, when I listened to the recordings of Master’s lectures in Jinan, I became aware of my various shortcomings through the guidance of the Fa. I understood that cultivation was about letting go of bad attachments and desires, and constantly striking down any thoughts of doing bad things. One could start by being a good person, and become a better person and an even better person, and continue to assimilate to the characteristics of the universe and elevate in cultivation until one reaches the standard of consummation. All of a sudden, I felt I had enlightened to the essence of what cultivation was all about!

Indeed, when we first started cultivation in Dafa, we always did everything in accordance with the universal characteristics of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. When encountering conflicts, we always looked within for areas where we had failed to be in line with the Fa. We let go of our attachments and constantly improved our xinxing to assimilate to the Fa.

However, over time, I unwittingly got caught up in doing specific things and started arguing about right and wrong with everyday people’s reasoning. I forgot my original intention to cultivate and the most basic things that a cultivator should do. As a result, what should have been eliminated in cultivation still remained and encouraged me to do things I shouldn’t have done, taking me further and further away from the mindset that a cultivator should have.

Now I began to understand the meaning of “always cultivating as if you were just starting.” Our personal cultivation has not changed, even though what we do during the Fa-rectification period may be somewhat different. We need to constantly become one with the Fa principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.

I must always remind myself to conduct myself by the standards of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, regardless of whether I am doing the three things or cultivating among everyday people. I must always look within, let go of anything not in line with the Fa, and continue to improve my xinxing to become one with Dafa!