(Minghui.org) Greetings, respected Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
My parents practice Falun Dafa, so I grew up in a cultivation environment. I knew that Dafa was good and Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance was good. Although I occasionally studied the Fa and practiced the exercises with the adults, I didn’t truly understand what cultivation was. Perhaps it wasn’t yet time for me to begin practicing or my enlightenment quality was low. As I grew up, I drifted into society and became an ordinary person—but I knew Falun Dafa was good.
When I graduated from high school and was choosing a university, one of my teachers said there was an opportunity for a government scholarship. This scholarship was usually not open to students of Chinese ethnicity (I am Chinese). It gave Malays and indigenous people priority, so even if my grades were excellent, I wouldn’t be considered. Because my grades were quite good, the teacher mentioned this opportunity and said he could assist me in applying and that it would definitely be successful. There was one condition—I had to pay a fee. I was a bit surprised. Wasn’t this a bribe? I felt uncomfortable, so, I told the teacher that I wanted to think about it.
It was a dilemma—I really wanted to ease the financial burden on my parents, but I felt uneasy about applying for this scholarship.
One day as I was wondering what I should do, I looked at Master’s portrait on the wall and the two Falun next to it, one with “Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance” and the other with “Falun Always Rotates.” I immediately knew the answer, and it was definite. In my heart I told Master that I didn’t want to disappoint him.
As for how I could reduce my parents’ financial burden, I had a plan. I would apply for the government grant given to university students, which we would have to repay after I graduated. I would not be getting outright funds from a scholarship, but if I made excellent grades, the grant would be waived. Many universities offer scholarships, so I decided to work hard at university. When I told my parents, they were very supportive.
Looking back, I realized this may have been a test, and perhaps, because of it, the seed of obtaining the Fa was planted in my heart.
Finding the Meaning of Life
While I was at university, I focused on studying and getting good grades and did not think about anything else. After I graduated, it suddenly felt like I no longer had a goal. My friends had goals, but I lost my direction and didn’t know why I came to this world.
I eventually decided to return to school and pursue a master’s degree, because it seemed studying was what I did best.
Four months later, however, I suddenly fell ill. It felt like something was growing in my neck. I was always exhausted and couldn’t focus on my research. I went to several doctors, from government hospitals to private hospitals, from GPs to specialists, from Western medicine to Chinese medicine. I also tried various folk remedies. None of the doctors could help me. I felt like a lab rat as they repeatedly tried different drugs on me. My condition kept deteriorating.
I felt bitter—I was supposed to be independent. My parents shouldn’t have to worry about me, but as my condition worsened, they had to take care of me.
Although I practiced the exercises and read the Fa, my enlightenment quality was very low. On the one hand, I was still going to the hospital for treatment, and on the other, I was grasping Dafa, treating it as a method of healing. I was practicing with pursuit.
After studying the Fa, I gradually understood what cultivation is and I saw my fundamental attachments. I decided to let go of everything because I realized that cultivation and returning to my true home were the basis of my life.
One day, I suddenly noticed that the thing in my neck was obvious. It was initially inside my neck, but it eventually scabbed over, and after the scab fell off, there was only a scar left. Eventually that was gone, too. The fatigue I felt every day also disappeared.
The miraculous power of Dafa manifested in me.
I realized that letting go was actually gaining. We cannot complete cultivation with a seeking heart and even less can we cultivate with fundamental attachments, because that’s not true cultivation. I am deeply grateful to Master, who gave me a second chance at life. Although I’ve never seen Master, I cherish everything very much.
Helping with the Media
As I kept reading the Fa, I also began to understand that Falun Dafa practitioners in the Fa-rectification period have certain responsibilities. I wanted to contribute and participate in the media run by practitioners. After I had this wish, a practitioner told me that the English language Epoch Times was recruiting staff and he would help me submit my resume. Although I didn’t pass the interview, they referred me to another truth-clarification media outlet for an interview. This interview went well, and I passed.
Due to my work with the media, I later went to work in the Vietnam office. There were very few practitioners in my hometown, and most of them were elderly. In Vietnam, I met many young practitioners. In fact, I was considered relatively old, and they called me Big Sister.
Every day, more than a hundred people worked together to validate Dafa. It was great. We studied the Fa, did the exercises, and sent forth righteous thoughts together at scheduled times—we encouraged and supported each other. Of course, there were occasional conflicts, but by studying the Fa and communicating, we ultimately improved and gained from each experience.
Vietnam is a communist country, and although it’s not as evil as China, many things are similar. We occasionally heard that practitioners were beaten by the police or that an office for a media run by practitioners was harassed by the police. Their Dafa books were confiscated. It all depends on how we as Dafa disciples position our hearts.
During that time in Vietnam, I felt that, perhaps because of the complex environment, there were many xinxing (mind-nature) tests, with external pressures and significant internal conflicts. At that time, I couldn’t understand these internal conflicts and felt they were no different from the backstabbing dramas in ordinary companies. That made me keep my distance from some practitioners.
One day while I was alone in the office, I was studying the Fa when I read this sentence: “Whether it is Shakyamuni or Bodhisattva Guanyin, if they really existed in history—think about it, everyone— weren’t they also practitioners during their cultivation?” ( Lecture Five, Zhuan Falun)
I suddenly felt like I was awakened, and I could see through these internal conflicts. I knew it was the inner meaning of the Fa manifesting to me, as divine beings in the Fa saw that I hadn’t realized it yet, so they enlightened me with a hint.
I also realized that this is the form that Dafa disciples’ cultivation takes. I experienced these conflicts not only because I was eliminating karma from my previous lifetimes but also because they were opportunities to improve. Because I went to Vietnam, I had the chance to see my cultivation gaps and I could improve.
After working in Vietnam for eight months, due to the Vietnamese government’s hardline stance on Dafa, I had to return to Malaysia. I lost a great cultivation environment, and gradually, my attachment to comfort began to emerge. It was very obvious that my cultivation state was different from when I was in Vietnam. In Vietnam, although the environment was harsh, everyone was very diligent. After I returned home, the environment was more relaxed, and I became comfortable. Although I still did the exercises, studied the Fa, and sent righteous thoughts every day, I could clearly feel my attachment to comfort growing.
I felt that, in the environment in Vietnam, if we weren’t diligent, it was easy to fall. However, I realized that this attachment to comfort at home was even more dangerous. Because the attachment to comfort can gradually push a person out of cultivation without them realizing it: It is like a frog being boiled in warm water—it does not know it’s being cooked. Isn’t this frightening?
I felt that I was easily influenced by the environment. If the environment was good, my cultivation was solid. Without a challenging environment, I indulged myself. In talking about cultivation, didn’t Master say, “When an average person hears it, this person will practice it on and off.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)? Even without an environment, I should create one myself because we are Dafa disciples and cannot let our attachments lead us.
Therefore, whenever there were any Dafa activities abroad, such as parades in Hong Kong or Fa conferences in Taiwan, I participated as much as possible and I gained a lot from them.
Actually, I’ve always felt like an ordinary person and seldom feel like a cultivator. So, when I hear practitioners talk about their experiences, such as seeing Master, or Master showing them something, dreaming of Master, etc., I envy them. I always feel that they must be very diligent because they can see these things.
But miraculously, whenever I have a wish, it seems like Master hears me. For example, when I saw the celestial maiden team passing by during a parade, I thought I’d like to join them. When I saw the Tian Guo Marching Band perform, I wanted to try it out. It seemed like Master heard my wishes, and practitioners invited me to join the celestial maiden team and later the band. When I wanted to do media work, Master arranged it. I later thought about doing self-media, but I didn’t want to show my face. Soon after, I was assigned to produce self-media at work, but I didn’t need to show my face. It was truly amazing! I could feel Master was always right beside me!
Realizing That Various Notions Stem from “Self”
I found that I develop human notions when I look at people and things, including practitioners. For example, if I feel some practitioners’ behavior is incomprehensible, or not how a cultivator should behave, I develop notions about this person, and every time I see them, I think of them with these notions.
I often remind myself that fellow practitioners are mirrors, so why can’t I look within myself first? In fact, every time I have such thoughts, I’m aware of them, but I can’t eliminate them immediately. It’s like a black dot on a white sheet of paper; I focus on that black dot and ignore the white parts.
Once, when I was studying the new article “Stay Out of Danger” I read, “That is my providing you with ways to save and help one another, to rescue people together, and at the same time save yourselves;” I felt a great force of kindness and compassion. I immediately thought that, even if a fellow practitioner is really not in line with the Fa, or even goes down a deviated path, the other person is actually the same as me—both of us came to be saved, there is no distinction between who is better or worse because this process is a process of mutual salvation.
From this, I understood the reason I always used human notions and thoughts to look at things was because I hadn’t cultivated kindness and I wasn’t kind. However, when I dug deeper, I found that, behind this lack of kindness, there was actually a hidden attachment to self.
Whenever I thought that my understanding was correct, or others’ ideas did not align with mine, I felt uncomfortable and I tried to persuade them I was right. Although I always said, “It’s your decision, I’m just expressing my personal opinion,” I still felt uncomfortable if others disagreed. If I didn’t have the attachment to self, I wouldn’t have felt uncomfortable.
I realized that if I don’t eliminate the attachment to self, I can easily form various notions. I will view conflicts with human notions, and over time, I may develop resentment. I think when someone has complaints about things, it might be the attachment to self causing trouble. Self comes from selfishness, so if this is the starting point, it’s impossible to cultivate kindness.
I realized that eliminating the attachment to self doesn’t mean I can’t have any ideas or that I can’t express my ideas. Cultivation is about cultivating the heart. If we can truly treat everything with kindness and compassion, even if we have ideas and think they might benefit others, expressing them without attachment is fine because it comes from a sense of responsibility to the whole, and we are not emphasizing our personal understanding or expressing dissatisfaction.
Although I’ve gradually become aware of the attachment to self, the next step should be to completely eliminate this part, not just stay at the level of understanding. Master wants us to achieve “...the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism.” (“Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature, ” Essentials for Further Advancement) That’s the standard of the new universe.
Unconditional Faith in Master and the Fa
I’m fortunate to participate in the Gan Jing World project. However, since I’m not in the United States, much of the information is conveyed to us through the American supervisor. Later, perhaps due to the rapid development of Gan Jing World, our entire company’s operation underwent a major reshuffle, and the American supervisor was transferred to another department. He became even busier than before. It was already difficult to find him, but after the reshuffle, it became even harder.
I felt our project was being abandoned and left to fend for itself. Some promised collaborations made no progress, and I was very puzzled. Perhaps because I didn’t immediately realize the danger of this feeling, I gradually began to develop a heart of complaint.
Looking back, I didn’t position the relationship between myself and the Gan Jing World project properly. And that was due to several factors. I didn’t value sending righteous thoughts, and I studied the Fa superficially without truly putting my heart into it, so I couldn’t promptly detect and correct these incorrect thoughts and I let them grow. I also didn’t have unconditional faith in Master and the Fa.
I once had a dream in which I saw that the first person in charge of Malaysia was told to quickly copy some things, and it was not only Malaysia, but the first person in charge of each country worldwide also had to quickly copy some things, or else these things would be erased overnight. The atmosphere was very tense.
I did not understand what this dream meant, but shortly after, we heard the news about establishing Gan Jing World. I suddenly remembered it and connected the two. From then on, I had a broader perspective of the work related to Gan Jing World and I was determined to meet Master’s requirements and do the job well.
So why did I feel helpless and confused? I even began to complain! Did I have to hear something directly from Master in order for me to cherish it? Why did my attitude become negative due to others’ actions?
I realized from the Fa that what I should know, I would naturally know. And I wouldn’t know what I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t have a negative attitude about Dafa projects. Only with a pure mindset can I do things well. By having unconditional faith in Master and the Fa, I won’t be swayed by external factors.
I understood this was testing my faith and how I positioned myself. No matter what, I want to be a qualified Dafa disciple, a qualified Dafa particle, and a qualified being in the new universe!
Now that we are transitioning to stage of the Fa rectifying the human world, I will continually purify myself, cultivate diligently, and remind myself to always remember the initial excitement and gratitude when I obtained the Fa. I will be worthy of Master’s compassionate salvation, and I will return with Master!
These are my personal understandings. If anything is not aligned with the Fa, please compassionately correct me.
Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!
(Presented at the 2024 Malaysia Fa Conference)
Copyright © 2024 Minghui.org. All rights reserved.
