Overcoming My Attachment to My Daughter

(Minghui.org) I recently took care of my daughter after she gave birth, and while I was in her home, I saw my sentimentality and attachment to her. Through studying the Fa, I realized my problem, rectified my mistakes, and relinquished my sentimental feelings. I’d like to tell you about my experiences.

My daughter has always been supportive of my practicing Falun Dafa, and we got along well before she had the baby. She was older when she got pregnant, so I decided to take good care of her so she could quickly recover. I retired from my job and moved in with her.

What I didn’t expect was that she would turn into a different person after she gave birth. I bought expensive ingredients and prepared nutritious meals, but no matter what I did, she criticized me. I spent half of my pension to make her three meals a day and I did all the housework. She refused to taste the soup I carefully prepared. When I told her I wouldn’t make soup for her since she didn’t like it, she complained that I nagged her.

When I asked her a question, instead of answering, she looked at me strangely and asked me condescending questions. If I asked the question again, she became angry. This sometimes happened in front of her husband and his mother, and I felt embarrassed.

She scolded me as if I were a child over trivial things and stared at me angrily. One time, she became angry because she said the dish I cooked did not contain enough meat. When I ask what she wanted for dinner, she was irritated and said she didn’t want to eat. When I heard the baby cry, I hesitated to do anything because I wasn’t sure if she wanted me to help. One day, she told me that she’d never listen to me again. All these things broke my heart.

I tried to be understanding. I reminded myself that she was a first-time mother and might have mood swings or postpartum depression. I knew I should act like a practitioner and be forbearing. Unfortunately, after a while, I became like an everyday person. I resented that she failed to respect me as her parent and she wasn’t grateful for the things I did. She refused to listen to my suggestions on child care or acknowledge the work I did and the time I sacrificed. I became unhappy and thought about going home.

When I spoke to my husband and other practitioners on the phone about how she treated me, they guided me using the Fa’s principles and told me to look within. I didn’t seem to be able to this—my negative emotions intensified, and I cried a lot.

One day, while I was working in the kitchen, she shouted from her room and told me to take care of the baby. When I didn’t hear her, she called my cellphone, which I had left in my room. She had a temper tantrum, and I apologized in a low voice, not wanting to scare the baby. Another day, we took the baby for a walk, and she screamed at me in public about something trivial. It was the last straw. I shouted back at her. I decided to go home and packed my suitcase. Her mother-in-law persuaded me to stay.

That evening, I couldn’t focus when I studied the Fa—every word my daughter said to me replayed in my head, and I couldn’t stop crying. Suddenly, the words “too deep into the drama” came to mind. Exactly! I realized that I was projecting too much self-interest onto my daughter. I worked tirelessly to help her, but I had a selfish intention that she would acknowledge what I did and be thankful.

Through studying the Fa, my perspective changed, and I was able analyze the situation. I understood that my daughter was trying to help me improve. All the harsh things she said were opportunities for me to improve my xinxing. They exposed my attachments to not wanting to be criticized, fear, jealousy, competitiveness, wanting to be repaid for what I did, hatred, comfort, self-interest, and recognition.

Everything I encounter in cultivation is meant to help me eliminate human notions. My daughter was like a mirror reflecting my shortcomings. When I complained about her I was not cultivating speech. My resentment was a manifestation of evil. All of my negative thoughts and attachments caused her to have negative feelings and behaviors.

My mindset brightened, and the oppressive feeling and resentment disappeared. I was thankful to my daughter for helping me improve. I also thanked Master for arranging this opportunity to rectify my notions and gain a compassionate mind.

In an article on Minghui.org, a practitioner said that we should cherish every conflict that wrenches our hearts because it is an opportunity for us to cleanse ourselves. Pain and suffering are priceless as they bring us glory. Through Fa study, my pain lessened, and I no longer suffered as much. One day, it occurred to me that it was my sentiment that caused all the pain and suffering. The more sentiment I had for my daughter, the more pain I felt.

The things my daughter did wouldn’t have bothered me if I saw others treating their mothers this way. They bothered me precisely because I had sentiment towards my daughter. Sentiment causes pursuit and selfishness. I should let go of sentiment so I can treat everyone around me with compassion.

When I improved in cultivation, my daughter’s attitude toward me also improved, and she began appreciating what I did. I thank Master for letting me see my attachments and helping me let go of them.