Only by Letting Go of One’s Ego Can One Truly Elevate

(Minghui.org) I am a Falun Dafa practitioner who was born in the 80s in China. However, I did not begin to cultivate Falun Dafa until the end of 2019. I felt grateful for the cultivation opportunity so that I could catch up with the Fa-rectification process. I would like to share with fellow practitioners how I improved my xinxing and what I gained from serious cultivation.

Letting Go of My Past, Returning to Cultivation

Some of my relatives practiced Falun Dafa when I was a youngster. My mother obtained the Fa in 1998. At that time I read Zhuan Falun a few times and watched the video recordings of Master Li’s lecture in Guangzhou City.

I really wanted to cultivate, but was hindered by the illusions of ordinary human society, all kinds of notions, and thought karma. I didn’t really understand what cultivation was all about. I felt confused, I didn’t understand Dafa rationally, nor could I see any higher-level principles, so I did not become a practitioner.

I now understand that Master has watched over me and given me hints over the years. Because of my poor enlightenment quality, I made so many mistakes and ended up wasting so much time. I always felt that I couldn’t catch up even if I tried very hard. I later told myself that I should let go of everything and treasure every day that I could still cultivate.

When I was doing the Falun Standing Stance exercise, all kinds of thoughts came up. One time, I ran into a conflict that required me to improve my xinxing, but I didn’t know what to do or how to go about it. When I was holding the wheel, all kinds of selfish thoughts came up.

I asked Master deep down in my heart, “Master, what should I do? What should I do?” In my head, heard Master say, “Let go!” These two words were just like a heavy hammer hitting my heart. Instantly, everything in my mind disappeared. I knew Master was right by my side.

Attachments Exposed After Looking Inward

During the two-and-a-half years after I returned to Dafa cultivation, I practiced Dafa with my mother. I experienced a lot, such as changing my notions and eliminating my attachments. By studying the Fa, I gradually came to understand what solid cultivation meant. This made me more rational and mature.

When I first shared with my mother, given my show-off mentality, I bragged. As soon as I enlightened to a few Fa-principles, I was eager to share with her. When I saw her attachments flare up, I got to dislike her and pointed it out whenever I felt that she was wrong. Although I also had quite a few attachments, I always behaved as if I cultivated well and did everything right.

I also thought that everything I did was benefiting my mother, and I tried to help her cultivate, but I ignored the attachments that I should eliminate. I didn’t follow what Master said in the Fa—to look inward. I always looked outward to find her shortcomings. At that time, I didn’t know how to cultivate, couldn’t eliminate the bad thoughts popping up in my mind, and went along with them. When my mother said something, I always felt a voice inside of me waiting to contradict her.

I am an only child, I grew up being brainwashed and indoctrinated by the evil Chinese Communist Party (CCP). My parents lived through the Cultural Revolution and were not exposed to traditional Chinese culture. When I was a child, my mother was strong-minded and also had a bad temper. She had the final say in the family and everything had to be exactly as she desired. I was scared of her and was concerned that I’d have a temper tantrum to get my way. I had to obey her in everything.

My mother looked down on my father, so my father, in turn, nagged, scolded, and belittled me. He never gave me any approval.

Cultivating Myself by Looking Inward and Letting Go of My Attachments

Given what I experienced as a child, I had very low self-esteem after I grew up. I had a lot of negative thoughts and it was easy for me to give up on myself. In my social interactions, I was eager to be recognized and always liked to show off in order to validate myself. I didn’t put my heart into anything I did, didn’t like to think logically, and didn’t have my own ideas. I just followed others in whatever they did. I was afraid of hardship and obstacles. I was also afraid of being criticized and looked down on.

I always wanted to show that I was competent. Even though I might plan something very carefully, I often couldn’t follow through to make it happen. When my own ego and notions were hit upon, I always wanted to fight back and wanted others to conform to how I perceived things.

Due to regular Fa-study, I began to look inward. I came to realize the areas where I didn’t comply with the Fa. Then I became alert and tried to catch the bad thoughts in my mind. I asked myself, “Why would I have such thoughts? Where did they come from?” Every time I kept digging further, I found that they were due to my jealousy and resentment.

Even though on the surface, I was at peace with my mother, deep down, I always felt that she was the cause of the many mistakes I made after I grew up. When I was little, she didn’t let me do anything and didn’t teach me proper behavior, which made me develop many incorrect notions. I blamed her for everything and assumed that everything was her fault.

I then realized that everything I saw in my mother was for me to see and help me cultivate myself. For instance, when I saw my mother telling my father to do this and that, I thought that she did that because she relied on him. Then I asked myself, “Why did I get to see all that?” When I looked inward, I saw my attachment to relying on others was even stronger. I always called my mother when I needed help. After I realized that, I paid attention to that aspect of myself. Every time I was about to call her, I stopped and told myself, “It’s that reliance or laziness. I’m a practitioner. I have to think of others' needs first, and I must do things on my own.”

My mother often said, “Quick, quick, quick/” I took that as her being anxious. When I looked inward, I was caught off guard—I too was attached to wanting to do things quickly and didn’t care about the quality of what was done. I was often discouraged when there was little progress. Then I thought, “Was I really like what my father said, that I couldn’t do anything well?” This also triggered my resentment toward my father.

After the traditional virtues of loyalty, filial piety, honesty, and shame were done away with by the CCP culture, I hated and blamed my parents for anything that went wrong in the past. I knew I should let go of what happened in the past and eliminate incorrect thoughts. When I ran into things, I couldn’t follow the human path any longer and fall into the old forces’ traps. No matter what kind of predestined relationship existed between my mother and me in the past, we had become fellow practitioners. I truly appreciated her for continuing to wake me up. Master arranged for us to cultivate in the same environment, so as to help each other and elevate with one another. I must treasure this environment.

Helping and Improving Together

During my interactions with my mother, I realized that she cultivated on and off. Often enough, she appeared to be inattentive when she studied the teachings, couldn’t hold her palm up to send forth righteous thoughts, and fell asleep during the sitting meditation. I really wanted to help her make a breakthrough. However, later on, it also happened to me that my main consciousness wasn’t strong enough. I realized that every time I located an attachment and tried to subdue and dispel it, my mom’s cultivation state would improve. This made me alert to the fact that I should look inward to see where I fell short so as not to be taken advantage of by the evil.

I examined myself carefully. Those times when I helped my mother pass her tribulations I always believed that what I did was right, rather than being attached to the incorrect notions I had formed over time. I was used to a life of leisure and always gave myself excuses to relax, was afraid of trouble, and told myself it was “going with the flow.” I didn’t take the initiative to think through things with a clear mind, which was because my main consciousness wasn’t strong enough: I was afraid of being criticized or being looked down upon. Even so, I took that as proof that I could think of others first and be kind to them. In fact, it was a persistent expression of seeking harmony and fear of encountering conflicts.

I realized that I didn’t treat cultivation seriously, nor was I steadfast in my cultivation. Nothing is minor when it comes to cultivation. One needs to think about everything seriously and with a cool head in order to behave in line with the requirements of the Fa. For the most part, however, I took a deviant path. I got stuck in the right or wrong on the surface of a matter. When I found the issues, I didn’t pay attention to getting rid of my attachments at all times. I only showed great determination in the first instance, but afterwards, I didn’t take it to heart. In terms of the copying and reciting of the Fa that I planned to do, I couldn’t follow through with it because I was always interfered with and interrupted by my attachments. I couldn’t remain righteous for a long time, which caused my main consciousness to be weak. I came to realize that all kinds of notions that were formed among ordinary people during different periods of time are a great wall blocking the way in our cultivation.

The difficulty between my mother and me also made me realize the seriousness of our cultivation. We agreed that we had to: seize the time and cultivate diligently, study the Fa more and well, maintain righteous thoughts and pay attention to small matters, use the Fa as guidance in everything we did, negate the old forces’ arrangements completely in our actions (as opposed to following human notions), remind ourselves that we are practitioners, and keep a clear main consciousness when thinking about things. When attachments manifest in our thoughts, words, and actions, we should keep reviewing them and, when necessary, dispel them. When we are on the Fa at all times, those attachments will have no chance of surviving and will rather be eliminated layer by layer.

Letting Go of Fundamental Attachments

When I was young, I was attached to the so-called good life. Since I held no hope in reality, I liked the idea of cultivation. However, only when I finally let go of this fundamental attachment did I begin true Dafa cultivation.

I used to blame my parents for my lack of education, for the bad experiences I had, and for the mistakes I made, so I developed resentment. When I let go of these bad things, I became much more relaxed. When I could identify my shortcomings, I could truly understand and tolerate others, so my moral standard and spirit elevated.

When I first began to cultivate, I had to endure a great deal to do the sitting meditation. Quivering in pain, I thought to myself, “I am in such great pain, how is it possible to be happy while enduring this?” Not until I finally let go of the postnatal notion that “hardship is a bad thing” did I come to feel how wonderful it is to do the sitting meditation. Now, although I still feel pain, I smile. This kind of pain is the happiness of being able to endure, to cultivate, which can’t be traded for anything in the human world.

Only by truly letting go can one truly obtain. I wanted to say to Master: “I still have many attachments and notions. I truly want to let go of all of them, follow Master home, and be Master’s true disciple.”