A Heart-Wrenching Experience Leads Me to Find My Attachment

(Minghui.org) A local practitioner coordinator, An Shun, displayed symptoms of serious illness karma. Everyone went to help him send forth righteous thoughts and help him find his attachments. This all seemed so natural. This is the way we have helped practitioners overcome illness karma tribulations all these years.

I also went to An Shun’s house one day to help him send righteous thoughts. When I got there, his house was full of people. There were even a few practitioners who had come in from the city. Everyone was sharing their thoughts with An Shun, and I sat down to get ready to send righteous thoughts. Practitioner Bin Bin then appeared, full of anger with a solemn face. Everyone was stunned and wondered why she’d showed up.

Everyone knew that Bin Bin and An Shun had some serious misunderstandings after their fight to become the local coordinator and some other issues. So nobody knew why she was there or what she was going to do. We all waited quietly.

Bin Bin sat down and started to point fingers at different people, saying, “Why did you do that? What he did then was wrong,” and so on. She rattled on for some time. I don’t remember everything she said, but I do remember that she suddenly focused on me and said to An Shun, “Why do you always side with her (referring to me). Do you think she’s pretty? I’m not so bad looking—I’m just a bit more tanned.” Everyone started to laugh. I was dumbfounded and didn’t know what was happening. Bin Bin went on, “Let me tell you, the relationship between you and her (referring to me) is not normal. There must be something going on between you two.”

I was really caught by surprise and said, “My goodness, where did this come from?” What a mess. Two practitioners who had come from the city then piped up, “That’s right. And you said it so well!” Local practitioners who knew me were stunned. They did not know what had been said well.

An Shun then said to Bin Bin, “Bin Bin, let me tell you …” He was just about to offer an explanation when I said to An Shun, “You don’t have to explain. Master said before:

“If you hear someone say that you want to commit some horrible crime, you’ll just find it amusing. (Master laughs) You will think, “How could that be possible?” and will laugh it off. You won’t take it seriously at all. Since you don’t even have that thought, those words can’t touch you.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2014 San Francisco Fa Conference,” Collected Teachings Given Around the World Volume IX)

After that, nobody knew what to say.

A local practitioner, Ying Qi, then said to Bin Bin, “Bin Bin, listen to me. You asked why An Shun sides with her. What you say only shows you are jealous of her.” Ying Qi barely finished speaking when practitioner Dan Di said to Ying Qi, “Be quiet. Let Bin Bin speak for herself.”

Dan Di then asked me, “An Qi, do you have the attachments of desire and lust?” I was dumbfounded but said, “Yes. Although I feel that I have done quite well in getting rid of these attachments, I have yet to get rid of them completely because I like to look at pretty things. I do not like to look at ugly things. Even flowers—I like to look at only pretty flowers, not ugly ones.”

Bin Bin started to talk nonsense again and brought up two other practitioners. I tried to stop her but she had her say, then stood up and got ready to leave. An Shun said to her, “Thank you!” I was also quite happy and stood up to send Bin Bin off. I was thankful to her for helping me improve my xinxing. Cultivation is so interesting, one can encounter anything! It was just unbelievable! I recalled what Master said about Han Xin’s willingness to endure the indignity of crawling between another man’s legs and the traditional stories that teach about not arguing when one is being maligned, so I was quite undisturbed at the time. I was happy, as I thought that I had just passed a big test.

After I got home, Master gave me encouragement with a miracle: a practitioner gave me a relatively new automatic, double-sided printer. He told me that there was a problem with it, so he couldn’t use it anymore. I asked him to bring it to me to see if I could repair it. When I brought it home and tried it, the printer started printing. But after a while, it stopped and the display read: “Out of ink. Put in a new ink cartridge.”

I thought that I did not have any more ink cartridges, so I should first log into a technical forum to search for another solution. I then thought, “I don’t have time to do that because I urgently need truth-clarification materials. Does the machine still retain its former memories?”

I asked the printer, “Do you still have your original memories? Let me tell you, since you are at my house, you must erase all your former memories. Let’s make a fresh start!” With that, the printer really started moving. The display panel showed “Resuming, printing in progress” and then I heard the familiar sounds. This was really unbelievable!

Usually when I try to get the printer to resume, I need to press a few buttons on the display panel before the menu shows up, and then I need to scroll down through the choices. Everything was in English, which I don’t know how to read, so I could only follow the instruction manual and match the letters to find the correct options. This would really take a lot of effort, but that day I didn’t have to do much. I just thought of asking it to erase its memory and it started. This was so unbelievable. Not long after that, the machine display showed that everything was ready. I assigned it a task and it started printing without any hiccups. This was really miraculous!

I know that this was Master encouraging me. He displayed this miracle to me after I passed my test.

What I didn’t expect was that the test was not over yet. After some people supported Bin Bin that day, she started making things worse and went around spreading the gossip to other practitioners. In her story, she changed what Dan Di said that day to Dan Di asking both of us to confess the truth of the matter in front of Master's portrait and both of us admitting to it.

Some practitioners believed her and some curious practitioners even came to my small Fa study group to find out more, whispering to themselves about it. I couldn’t take it anymore and lashed out at a practitioner who had come to find out more. I shouted at him, “Shut your mouth that the devil has made use of!” and I started sobbing.

After I got home, I felt as though I had absolutely no energy. I was defeated, and I collapsed on my bed. I just kept crying. No words can describe the heart-wrenching pain in my heart. I stayed in bed all day without eating. I just kept sobbing. When night fell, I thought that I could not go on like this. I couldn’t just lie down, I needed to stand up! I forced myself to sit up and send forth righteous thoughts to cleanse myself.

I calmed down and started to seriously look within to see what attachments I had. The desire for lust was not the fundamental attachment. Jealousy? Yes, because, since she is jealous of me, I must have the attachment to jealousy, too. I had always looked down on her, because I felt that she always spoke irrationally. I had always looked down on her for that, so I never took her words to heart.

That was why I could be so undisturbed in the face of what she said that day. That meant that my xinxing didn’t truly improve. In reality, despising her is also jealousy. Yes, it is jealousy. Jealousy is frightening. It can make practitioners come up with such cruel words to attack other practitioners. That is so scary. The old forces started this unprecedented persecution due to jealousy! I realized: “I cannot keep this thing. I must send forth righteous thoughts to get rid of it!” After that, I felt much better.

I continued searching, wondering why I felt so sad. Was it because Bin Bin went around spreading rumors about me and everyone believed her? That made me feel so wronged. Why did I feel I’d been treated so unfairly, and why was my heart so disturbed? What attachment had this triggered? Why did Bin Bin do that? What was her ultimate motive? To destroy my reputation! Wow! I finally found it.

I have this attachment to reputation and this situation triggered the attachment. That is what tormented me. I sent forth strong righteous thoughts: “I don’t want this attachment to reputation. Other than Dafa, I don’t want anything else. Other than Master, I won’t seek help from anybody else.”

When I sent out this thought from the bottom of my heart, I felt that the sky had brightened. All the bad elements disintegrated and disappeared without a trace. My heart felt so calm, and my mind and my body felt so relaxed. At that moment, I really experienced the wonderful nature of cultivation.

Thank you, Master! I thank Master with gratitude from the bottom of my heart for his benevolent salvation.