Striving to be “A Good Person” Is an Attachment to Fame

(Minghui.org) I joined the Falun Dafa radio broadcast team in January 2022. I felt very fortunate to be able to use the skills I learned during the pandemic, the time when we worked diligently to save people.

COVID Symptoms Expose My Attachment to Fame

The week I joined the project my husband developed COVID symptoms. I took care of him, and I wasn’t worried about myself. But on the third day, I began to have similar symptoms. The only difference was that my throat was very sore. It felt like a gear was constantly rotating inside my throat. Both of us felt as if we had a fever, but our temperatures were normal when we measured them, and we were able to eat. At night I felt very bad. I would wake up coughing three or four times.

The third day was the hardest for me. A practitioner told me that another practitioner passed away due to COVID, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The physical pain and my strong fear made me anxious. But that night I was able to calm down and look within. I realized I didn’t know which of my attachments caused this. I could not figure out why this happened.

I remembered a passage of the Fa Master taught, 

“Some of our practitioners are struggling with passing the tests of sickness karma. Don’t think that it’s necessarily something major [that causes that]. You might think that you haven’t done anything majorly wrong, and that you are very firm in your faith in the Fa. However, you shouldn’t treat the little issues you have like they are nothing. The evil will seize upon any gaps. Many practitioners have even passed away on account of little things; it really was due to something very minor.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2015 West Coast Fa Conference,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. XIII)

Dwelling more into this issue, I became even more anxious. With my strong desire to find my attachments in order to feel better, I began reading the teachings. I didn’t enlighten to anything, and I felt distressed. Although I kept telling myself not to worry, I just couldn’t calm down. 

I thought that since I couldn’t calm down to read the Fa, I might as well read the sharing articles on Minghui.

As soon as I got on the Minghui website, I saw an article titled “Cultivation Is About Looking Inward.” It said, “When encountering conflicts, we all seem to know to look inward, but we often don’t go in-depth and look thoroughly [...] We just simply list a bunch […] But we don’t seriously compare ourselves against the Fa and we don’t find the root of the problem.” 

I believed that this described my situation. Every time I encountered a problem, I felt it exposed my jealousy and selfishness. I felt that these two attachments were my main issues. I only focused on who was right or wrong. As long as I felt the other person was at fault, I would just list my attachments. I thought that I must have done a lot of bad things to the other person in past lifetimes. I thought that it was calling it good enough, and decided that the case was closed.

I realized that I was not serious about cultivation. Therefore I felt so bad, and that I let Master down. I also realized why I repeatedly had the same type of conflict. Under different circumstances I always encountered the same type of person or persons who created similar conflicts for me. But I just never searched within myself. I never dug deep enough to find which of my attachments caused it. As a result, I kept falling down on the same issue.

I began to think back to those past conflicts that I never wanted to examine. But after repeatedly thinking about it, I still felt that the others were at fault. I didn’t feel I did anything wrong. I thought, “Is it just this difficult to look within? Don’t I already know not to focus on who is right or wrong? What is my real problem? Which attachment is it?” I still had no idea. I decided to continue reading that article.

The practitioner quoted what Master said, “One who is for fame resents till death.” (“Being a Human,” Hong Yin). What he said shocked me. When I read this sentence, I burst into tears. It turned out that it was “fame.” I never thought that I had the attachment to seeking fame. I thought that I was a low-key person and tried to be humble. How could I have the desire to seek fame? But my feeling at the moment clearly told me that I indeed had a strong attachment to seeking fame.

As I continued to recall the past, I was surprised to find that in my cultivation, I always had a strong desire to have everyone say I was a good person. As a result of my attachment, I always encountered one or two people who liked to make things up and sow rumors. Although this usually did not cause any real harm, I always had to constantly explain myself, and prove that I was a good person. This was very hard and tiring both physically and mentally.

Rectifying Myself Based on the Fa

After identifying my attachment to seeking fame, I was determined to eliminate it. But how?

I started by sending forth righteous thoughts to clear away the bad substances. Through my celestial eye, I saw a gray colored smoke-like substance around my neck start to dissipate. My throat felt better. Then, I thought of what Master said about the Fa principles. My understanding was that as a cultivator, no matter what we encounter, if we can always compare ourselves with the Fa, then as we continue to eliminate attachments and improve, we naturally become good people in others’ eyes. We should not pursue it.

In fact, sometimes I did things that I did not want to do, or I said things that I did not want to say, just for the sake of being gregarious and having others approve of me. I knew that I should just do everything in accordance with the Fa. For things that do not conform to the Fa, I absolutely should not do them.

Under the seemingly high-sounding label of “being a good person,” there was also a strong hidden attachment to self interest. When others did things that affected me, I felt bad. This was because my interests were affected. Things that seemed to belong to me were taken away from me. I also had the attachment to ease, wanting everyone to like me. I didn’t want anyone to make trouble for me. I wanted to cultivate comfortably. Moreover, I had a strong attachment to sentimentality. I wanted to cultivate in a state of everyone being happy and no one having conflicts.

Because I often consciously or unconsciously avoided conflicts, I repeatedly missed opportunities to improve. “Looking to be a good person” didn’t seem to be wrong on the surface, but this mindset actually covered up so many of my attachments, which troubled me for more than 10 years. During these 10 years, I encountered various people and things that prevented me from looking like a good person. I was not able to calm down and look within myself. I realized that on this issue, perhaps I had followed the path arranged by the old forces.

Master said, “The old forces are in essence gigantic trials and tribulations that accompany you at all times, focused on whether in Fa-rectification Dafa disciples are able to step forward.” (“Be Clearheaded,” The Essentials of Diligent Progress III)

In my mind I thought that I had done a good job. From time to time I would complain about how bad the world had become, and people nowadays had no morals. In fact, this dimension of the human world is supposed to be this way.

After sorting all this out, I truly felt enlightened and relaxed. I no longer needed to prove to anyone that, “I am a good person,” and I no longer need to be recognized by anyone. I just need to follow the Fa, use my time to save people, and live up to the time that Master gave us.

Sentimentality Prevents Us From Saving People 

Master said, “Those who are attached to affection for family will definitely be burned, entangled, and tormented by it. Pulled by the threads of affection and plagued by them throughout their lives, they will find it too late to regret at the end of their lives.” (“Cultivators’ Avoidances,” Essentials for Further Advancement)

I used to think that this passage of the Fa talked about the sentimentality between men and women, or the sentimentality between family members. In fact, when others treat us badly and we end up feeling unhappy because of it, aren’t we also being interfered with by sentimentality? As I didn’t realize my desire to seek fame, when I was constantly disturbed by the same type of conflict, it was like I was grabbing the threads of sentimentality and entwining myself with them. 

This situation went on for more than 10 years. I felt ashamed when I thought about it. When I was entangled like that, it was impossible to do a good job of saving people with the full righteous thoughts of a Dafa practitioner. If at that moment, I could look inward and eliminate the interference in a timely manner, not only would my xinxing improve, but I would be able to do a better job of saving people. Perhaps the other party in the conflict would find his or her own shortcomings. A bad thing would have turned into a good thing.

Eliminating Interference

After the most difficult night, I increased the time I read the Fa with other practitioners. Two practitioners’ kindness also gave me a lot of righteous thoughts, and once again I felt that practitioners are one-body. Through studying the Fa more, the weight of some conflicts and the unhappy things that plagued me for a long time were gradually lessening in my heart. I felt that I was getting bigger and bigger, and that I was able to get past them just by taking a small step.

Moreover, while I read the Fa, I was able to see Master’s Fa principles. I also found my competitive mentality, show off mentality, the attachment to zealotry, the attachment to saving face, as well as the attachment I had when I first started cultivation, which was being obsessed with finding a pure land in Dafa. I also realized the importance of sending forth righteous thoughts. Our righteous thoughts are truly powerful.

After joining the new truth-clarification project, I felt that I must do better in my personal cultivation as the requirements have risen. I had to spend an extraordinary amount of time the first time I did the broadcast. All kinds of things happened that day. My computer ran out of memory; the batteries died; the software crashed several times; and I was nervous. I began paying even more attention to sending righteous thoughts. If I begin feeling nervous I immediately stop and send righteous thoughts for a minute, and then I continue.

Since I participated in this project, whenever I said something that was not in compliance with the Fa, I coughed a lot that night. As I wanted to use my speaking ability to save people, I must rectify myself. When I demanded myself with higher standards, I have a wonderful feeling of being purified after every broadcast.

The above is based on my personal cultivation experience. If anything is inappropriate, please kindly point it out.