Cultivating and Improving Heart Nature Amid Conflicts

(Minghui.org) I am a veteran Dafa practitioner who started cultivating before July 20, 1999. Given Master’s protection, I have braved thick and thin, and persisted to today.

Improving Through Studying and Memorizing the Fa

The first time I memorized the Fa was in 1999, the time when the persecution had just been launched. I was just over 40 years old at the time and still working at my company.

As time was limited, I decided to memorize the Fa when I was on my way to work and on my way home from work. Out of the respect for the Fa, I never copied the Fa onto pieces of paper. I instead memorized a part of the Fa after finishing the morning Falun Dafa exercises and having a simple breakfast. I then continued to memorize on my way to work. I finally memorized the precious book Zhuan Falun completely – it took me a year.

The experience memorizing the Fa benefited me greatly on my cultivation path, especially during the period when I was being persecuted and detained in jail. I was able to recall most of Zhuan Falun, the main book of Falun Dafa, as I memorized as much as was possible. I sometimes did the memorization with fellow practitioners. I remember when fellow practitioners first heard me memorizing the Fa. Some of them broke out in tears, as some had been detained for a few years, and could not study the Fa. What kind of feeling is that! Whenever I recall that period of time, it encourages me to cherish the time that we have now to study the Fa more, and be diligent.

I read in cultivation experience exchange articles on the Minghui website that many practitioners were using all opportunities to memorize the Fa. This made me want to memorize the Fa again too. I thought that I should memorize the precious book seriously this time. However, due to all sorts of reasons, I no longer have that state of mind similar to when I first memorized the Fa many years ago. Furthermore, I am a rather impatient and careless person, and thus try to be fast when memorizing. I always thought about wanting to finish memorizing the entire book today. After hearing fellow practitioners’ experiences in ways to memorize the Fa, I found the shortcoming, which did not let me realize the seriousness of studying the Fa. We cannot memorize the Fa for the sake of memorizing the Fa. Instead, we must truly store the Fa in our minds, assimilate with the Fa, truly cultivate, and do hardcore cultivation. From there we attain the requirement that the Fa asks of us. Now, if there are no special situations, my Fa study session every day is to memorize the Fa. I memorize the Fa paragraph by paragraph, and do not emphasize how much I memorize each time.

Since I memorized the Fa like this, my understanding of the Fa deepened. Take for example, when I memorized up to:

“...while your karma is being dealt with and reworked, your energy and character will be developing in tandem.” (The Fourth Talk, Zhuan Falun)

I suddenly understood that when my body shows signs of discomfort, if my first thought is that this is increasing my spiritual powers, my xinxing will have improved. Thus, Master helps me to get rid of the bad karma very quickly. After understanding this Fa principle, when my body suddenly shows signs of discomfort or feels very uncomfortable, I recall Master’s Fa, and the discomfort disappears very quickly. I understood from this that when we are going through tribulations, the first thought is very important. As what you thought of is that this is your spiritual powers increasing, you have positioned yourself correctly, which means that your xinxing has attained that level. Thus, Master will help you. When I later shared this understanding with the other practitioners, they also agreed with me.

After I put my heart into memorizing the Fa, I gradually discovered that many of my attachments were disappearing while I was memorizing the Fa. When fellow practitioners talked about me in the past, I felt uncomfortable in my heart no matter whether they were right or wrong. I questioned in my heart the validity of the comment. However, a few days ago, when I was talking with a practitioner, she told me her comments about me. After hearing them, my heart was very calm. I did not feel like explaining or arguing. I just listened quietly and looked within myself.

At another time, my husband used harsh words when he was angry with me. However, I did not feel unjustified or wronged, and did not talk back as I did in the past. This time, I just laughed it off. Now, that I think back, this is the reward from calming down when memorizing the Fa. It is because Dafa has entered my brain, so those bad things had no place to stay. Thank you Master!

Improving Xinxing

I met practitioner Aiping before July 20, 1999, and we have since continued to support and encourage each other. Thinking back, this is a very deep affinity.

Our area does not have a coordinator. As both of our families were quite well off, we would do more things to validate the Fa whenever we had time. The time we spend together has thus increased. Some practitioners say that it is so nice to see both of us being able to get together. I also feel that things can be completed very smoothly when I work with Aiping. I also feel that this may Master’s arrangement, because I am an impatient person who is careless, doesn’t guard her speech, and sometimes hurt others easily. I am also proud of myself and overbearing. On the other hand, Aiping does things and speaks more stably, genuinely, and can think first of others in everything she does. She also emphasizes a lot about her cultivation and behavior. The other practitioners, as well as myself, like her very much. I thought that Master arranged for me to work along with her so that she can improve on my shortcomings. Therefore, I did not feel that there was any barrier between Aiping and me in my heart.

One day last year, we were leaving a veteran practitioner’s house when Aiping suddenly told me what practitioners Bai and Chen told her about me when she interacted with them individually. She said that she also followed suit too. She actually did not want to tell me about it, but to be responsible for my cultivation, she still decided to remind me of it. After hearing that, I found it hard to accept. During normal times, I helped these these two practitioners do many things and they treated me very well too. What is this all about? At the same time, I also had some comments, “You are commenting about me behind my back too.”

After returning home, my heart was sad considering everyone’s thoughts about me. I wondered why I cultivated so poorly, and felt very dejected. Through studying the Fa, I calmed down and thought about it. I indeed had all the shortcomings that the practitioners mentioned. In that case, I had the mentality of not letting others comment about me. I needed to accept the comments humbly. I later found those two practitioners separately to chat and apologized. In this way, the barrier between us was lowered and I did what I should do for them. However, through this matter, I started becoming jealous and had complaints and resentment towards Aiping. I was jealous that she had a good reputation among the other practitioners, and I complained and resented her for commenting about me behind my back. At the same time, I kept finding flaws in her. In this way, there was no compassion when I spoke to her. However, I did not feel that my behavior would hurt her.

There were a few times Aiping said that she felt anxious, as though a big stone was pressing on her heart. At that time, I thought that this was caused by her conflict with her husband, so I did not care about it. Before long, she was arrested and detained. After learning of that, I was very anxious, but I immediately thought that there must be a loophole in our cultivation. It may be because of our attachment to doing work, or due to problems such as not addressing safety issues. I did not search for the reason in my xinxing.

When I later met with a practitioner from the group, and we talked about this matter, the practitioner said that the problem was mainly caused by me. At that time, I was stunned and she told me about what she knew. Aiping was very unhappy about my behavior and thus had accumulated a lot of grievances. However, as she was afraid of hurting me she did not tell me directly. But, as she did not voice it, she bottled up everything and became anxious so she would often talk about it to practitioner Chen. Practitioner Chen also tried to talk to her and share her understandings based on the Fa principles. Although they conversed many times, the persecution still happened.

I looked within after hearing that. I recalled my behavior and speech that was mentioned by one of the practitioners and realized the seriousness of the problem. I then became full of remorse and regretted my behavior and speech that brought such great harm to the practitioner.

I cried and said to Master in my heart, “I am wrong. I did things that made the evil happy. I have let Master down.” At the same time, I said to Aiping in my heart, “I am sorry for causing harm to you. Please forgive me.”

I hoped to learn about Aiping’s situation, but as her house was monitored, I did not go. I knew which company her child was working at but did not know the location. I therefore asked around and finally found it. However, her child was working, and did not want to see me. I waited outside for a long time. I did not blame the child as I found out later that the child had been accosted by the police.

Aiping was released a month later. When I met her, I apologized to her sincerely. She then poured out her grievances to me, saying that she had looked down on me for a long time. I can see that all the grievances had accumulated very deep within her heart. After hearing that, I accepted it, because I had already heard it all from practitioner Chen.

However, after returning home, my heart was sad. I thought, “What is this that has happened? Why am I feeling so sad after hearing it directly from Aiping?” I understood that it was because of my attachment to not letting others talk to me, which was very serious. I cannot let it disturb me. Therefore, I sent forth righteous thoughts to get rid of it. However, I still felt uncomfortable in my heart. Thinking about it, it is actually because I have still not untied the knot in my heart about her talking bad about me behind my back. I also felt that some of the small matters that one of the practitioners said to me directly were not worth her getting angry over. I thought she was making a fuss over everything. My mind was full of complaints and resentment, vying with some and being wronged by others. I later realized that I had to correct myself based on the Fa.

That day, I happened to study the following Fa:

“They are in a state of immense tolerance, of mercy toward all beings, and of being able to understand everything with kindness. To put it in human terms, they always manage to be understanding of others. So we shouldn’t sometimes dig our heels in with strong human attachments, be stuck for a long time, and get more attached the more we think about it; the more you think about it the more your mind seethes, and the more demons capitalize on this.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2002 Conference in Boston, U.S.A.,” Collected Teachings Given Around the World Volume II)

I cried upon seeing this part of Master’s teaching. The heavy burden on my heart was suddenly released, as Master removed that knot from my heart. I understood that what I lacked is magnanimity. I cannot accommodate others, cannot be understanding towards others, and kept digging into a dead end, and the evil made use of it all.

After studying the Fa, I recalled Aiping’s merits and thought about how she accommodated me when we worked together. She never lost her temper, could tolerate, give in, and take on hardship very well. Take for example when we went out to buy raw materials together. She said that I did not have so much strength so she always carried the heavy stuff. I should not forget all this.

Actually for those small things about me that made her unhappy, I realized that there is no small matter in cultivation. Looking within myself, I am not a person who pays attention to details. On the other hand, Aiping has strict demands on herself, so it is understandable that she cannot agree with my behavior and speech. My heart is full of remorse and respect for Aiping. Master arranged such a wonderful practitioner for me to work with, but not only did I not cherish her, I even harmed her. I felt my behavior was very poor in this aspect of my cultivation.

The next time when I met Aiping, we both opened up and treated each other with sincerity. We both cried, and the barrier between us disappeared. Thank you Master!