(Minghui.org) I went out on May 12, 2022, during the lock down, and noticed that at least two people were following me. When I turned around and started walking toward them, they ran away. I was annoyed and knew they were Chinese Communist Party (CCP) thugs. I thought, “Why don’t you [the CCP] collapse?” My resentment became inflamed.
I looked inward as to why this incident affected me so much, and found that I had big problems. Although I had studied the Fa for many years, I was too attached to the current state of affairs in the world and wasted precious time, instead of reading the Fa with a focused mind.
When thoughts of resentment and anger disturbed me, I reflected on my behavior.
Master Li said,
“That’s because some people think that their illnesses will go away by practicing Dafa, and that they have a protective shield over them—“As long as I join the ranks of Dafa disciples, I won’t have illness, and won’t have anything to fear.” What a strong human attachment! But has that person carried out real cultivation, then? Or is he treating Dafa like a protective shield? Even if that wasn’t how the person was initially thinking, it’s still an attachment.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2010 New York Fa Conference,” Collected Teachings Given Around the World Volume XI)
My resentment came from the thought that I had already cultivated for a long time and the tribulations were unfair. I looked at high-level matters using ordinary people’s standards.
Someone once reported me for distributing materials about the persecution and telling people about Dafa. I was arrested, imprisoned, fired from my job, and forced to divorce.
I often had an unbalanced heart and concluded: I tried to be a good person, but you ordinary people mistreated me. I tried to save you, but you interfered with me and persecuted me!
With this lingering on my mind, I often went far away to tell people about the persecution and was unwilling to risk clarifying the facts in my area.
I had a dream in which an Indian princess, about 40 years old, was visiting a small country. A beautiful woman wearing this country’s traditional garb, like Thailand or Sri Lanka, approached her and presented gifts. The princess spoke a lot about culture, etiquette, and clothing, but in an extremely arrogant tone.
The people from this country then presented their national treasure to the princess, which was a Tang Dynasty poem displayed in a beautifully beaded box. The princess glanced at it twice, and then knocked the box over with a wave of her hand. She was probably jealous because she was afraid that this country’s culture surpassed that of her own.
I watched the scene unfold and felt terrible for how the princess behaved. I knew that the princess was me. She made a far reaching, bad impact on this country.
The dream reminded me that the troubles brought to me by the people in my neighborhood were not without reason. I was monitored and persecuted, and I couldn’t leave, even if I wanted to. There had to be a reason. All the karma I had accumulated, life after life, must be repaid!
I recalled another incident, which also reminded me of the karmic reasons behind my tribulations. I was a 22-year-old college girl in 1999 and went to Beijing to appeal for Dafa. I was later arrested at a practitioner’s home. Two other practitioners and I had been placed under surveillance.
A drunken man, probably a police officer, came by. He seemed to bear a grudge against me and slapped me so hard that I saw stars. He did not touch the other practitioners.
I then saw a scene not long after, where a Qing Dynasty princess was whipping a soldier. She was rude and unreasonable. I knew the woman was me and that soldier was the drunken police officer. After seeing this, I stopped resenting that man.
Through these experiences, my mind calmed down. I came to understand that the tribulations I experience in cultivation were from the karma I owed lifetime after lifetime; I was paying my debts by going through them.
I had not looked inward seriously like this for a long time. With regards to the many thoughts I had before, I didn’t search deeply enough about where they came from. Were they from my true self, the notions I had formed throughout my many lifetimes, or was it interference from various lives in different realms?
Master has eliminated countless portions of karma for us. He guides and protects us on our cultivation path, and the tribulations we experience are very small in comparison. I have probably read Zhuan Faluna thousand times. However, only this time did I come to understand what Master has done and endured for us. His compassion is boundless!
Master said,
“Whatever you experience during your cultivation—whether good or bad—is good, for it comes about only because you are cultivating.” (“To the Chicago Fa Conference,” The Essentials of Diligent Progress III)
Master has made arrangements for us to pay off all the karmic debts we owe. All the tribulations I experienced were from my own debts. Everything was meant for me to pay back my debts and improve my xinxing.
After being persecuted, I became afraid. I was afraid of going out in that harsh environment and being persecuted again. As a Dafa practitioner, I knew I must go out to tell people the truth about Dafa in order to save them. But a dark shadow of the persecution I experienced was still imprinted upon my mind.
By looking inward, I came to understand that my cultivation path will not always be smooth and comfortable; one will be made to experience tribulations.
To be able to face them with righteous thoughts, a practitioner must study the Fa diligently. Dafa encompasses all things, and it strengthens our righteous thoughts. From now on, I will follow the Fa teachings with all my heart. I will keep looking inward and persistently cultivate myself to the end!