(Minghui.org) Greetings, esteemed Master and fellow practitioners!
I work as a nurse. During the three years since the pandemic began, I’ve walked on my cultivation path. However, I have tripped and stumbled along the way. As I was studying the Fa, I discovered many human attachments that I have yet to cultivate away.
Rectifying Oneself: Letting Go of Human Notions
My attachments to fear, resentment, and leading a comfortable life began to show themselves at the same time. When the pandemic had just reached Singapore’s shores in early 2020, it became a challenging ordeal for healthcare workers. Work was stressful, and it was a huge mental burden. In one case, I had a patient who was transferred from the ICU to my ward. A few hours later, we were informed that the patient was COVID-19 positive, and seven nurses from my ward had to be isolated at home for 14 days. That left a huge manpower shortage in our ward, and our 8-hour shifts became 12-hour shifts. We had to be there from 7 a.m. to 8 p.m. Work became enormously stressful and very difficult.
We had to take our temperatures daily. Catching a fever became a constant fear, as it meant having to see a doctor and taking a PCR test and enduring the uncomfortable feeling of the swab poking the back of your nasal cavity. Sometimes, if my throat felt itchy and I was on the verge of coughing, I would worry if I’d finally come down with COVID-19, and this attachment to fear would manifest itself. As a practitioner, I would remind myself of the importance of recognizing the attachment of fear, letting it go, and continuing with my cultivation. Up until May of this year, I never had any flu-like symptoms or fevers. My family and two children also remained in good health, and I knew that Master was watching over us.
When it came to getting vaccinated against COVID-19, I was initially resistent, as I believed it pointless for practitioners. Although the government did not make it mandatory for the general public, it became mandatory for front-line medical workers. Our nursing department director came to see me and tried to persuade me to change my mind. After I expressed my doubts about the vaccine’s safety, she found herself at a loss. Finally, she said, “Many people in Singapore have already gotten the vaccine. Everyone will suffer together. What is there to be afraid of?” I replied, “If I cannot continue working because I refuse to be vaccinated, I can temporarily take unpaid leave. Whenever there is a manpower shortage, and you need me to come back, I’ll come back. Is that acceptable?” The director sighed and left.
That night I kept contemplating this issue. My continued refusal to get vaccinated could cost me my job. Our family would lose our stable source of income. Would my parents-in-law understand? It would put a lot of pressure on them. Would this cause them to misunderstand Dafa instead? As a practitioner, why should I be afraid of getting vaccinated? Dafa disciples practice Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance and should be considerate when it comes to the needs of others. However, my decision could cause trouble for my family. The Nursing Department director would have to explain to the Ministry of Health on my behalf. Wasn’t I creating added stress and trouble for her?
The following day, Master’s new article “Wake Up” was published. Master said,
“Some practitioners have been afraid of getting infected, while others have adamantly refused to get vaccinated. In either case, you should stop and ask yourself whether you are living up to the title of 'Dafa Disciple.'” (“Wake Up”)
“You are sizing yourself up with human thinking, rather than viewing things from the perspective of someone who is devoted to spiritual practice. And that is because there is a flaw in how you have developed yourself spiritually.” (“Wake Up”)
This felt like a blow. So why was I refusing to get vaccinated? I looked inward and determined that my decision was likely because of fear. I'd gotten a lot of information about vaccines in the media, and many people had reported side effects and some had even died after getting the vaccine. Instead of judging myself as a cultivator, I viewed the situation based on human realities. This was not correct and showed my lack of faith in Master and the Fa.
The day after, I made an appointment to get the vaccination. I texted the Nursing Department director and told her, “I have chosen to get the vaccine, not because I trust in its effectiveness, but because I don’t want to cause trouble for you.” She replied, “Thank you very much!”
With the gradual relaxation of the epidemic prevention measures in Singapore, I also began to relax, slacking off in studying the Fa and doing the exercises. At the beginning of May this year, my father-in-law and mother-in-law, one after the other, came down with the virus 10 days after being vaccinated against the new variant. I was not worried about myself but feared that they would transmit the virus to my children. As a result, our children tested positive three days later, while my husband, who is also a practitioner, and I remained negative throughout. At that time, I proudly told my parents-in-law, “We are Dafa practitioners, so the virus will not affect us.”
My level of understanding remained poor at the time. I focused on caring for my children and did not practice the exercises or study the Fa well. Four days later, I too came down with a fever and tested positive for COVID-19. I was very vexed. By rights, I should not be infected. I remained untouched when the virus was spreading rampantly at its peak. Why then did I catch it when the situation was less severe? I took advantage of the mandatory isolation time at home to do the exercises, study the Fa, and search inwards for any loopholes in my cultivation.
Because of my irregular working hours, I am unable to do the exercises or study the Fa every day. I did the exercises during my free time, and sometimes even chose not to do them after an exhausting day at work. Doing the exercises is the best way to rest, but I used ordinary people’s concepts regarding the type of rest I thought I needed. As a result, I tired easily. Cultivation is serious, but I had not been taking it seriously. I wanted to obtain benefits but not make an effort. Wasn’t this worse than how an ordinary person behaved? I also failed to correct myself on time.
Master has reminded Dafa practitioners,
“Those among Dafa disciples who are not diligent or have gone to extremes, hurry and set yourselves straight; study the Fa and cultivate yourselves sincerely because you are amid the gravest danger.” (“Rationality”)
Do Not Underestimate the Yearning for a Comfortable Life
I have been practicing Dafa for several years. When I first obtained the Fa, I diligently practiced the exercises and studied the Fa. No matter how exhausted I was from work, I would still find the time to do the three things well. Then, I felt spiritually fulfilled and had a healthy body, a stable job, a harmonious family life, and healthy children.
Over time, my attachment to enjoying a comfortable life grew. I became less diligent, especially due to the more relaxed cultivation environment overseas as compared to China. I would waste a lot of time on my mobile phone, with the excuse of watching the news and programs produced by fellow practitioners. Unconsciously, I also began to watch ordinary people’s programs.
A few months ago, I felt as if something was growing on the left side of my abdomen. However, I could not detect anything wrong when I touched the area. There was no feeling of pain or itching, just a general sense of discomfort. When holding the wheel during the second exercise, I could feel a solid mass sinking down. Panicking, I wondered if it could be a disease? I am a nurse and unconsciously began to match my condition with various symptoms. I also realized this could be an illusion created by karma and an indicator I had slacked off in cultivation.
I uninstalled the Facebook and YouTube apps from my phone and began to do the exercises and study the Fa diligently. My husband noticed the change and commented, “I assume you will persist and won’t be doing this on and off?” I was stunned, wondering if Master was using my husband to correct my actions. Cultivation should not be taken lightly. After work, I would memorize the Fa and Hong Yin. When sending righteous thoughts, I would add one more statement, “Deny all sickness karma illusions. Only acknowledge the path arranged by Master.”
Two to three weeks later, the discomfort in my abdomen disappeared. I knew Master had taken care of it and endured it for my sake. While memorizing the poems in Hong Yin, I also gained a deeper understanding of Fa principles.
For example, what does it mean to have truly obtained the Fa? Initially, I thought this meant going through the motions of studying the Fa, doing the exercises, clarifying the truth about Dafa, and improving my xinxing.
I asked myself, “Have you always put cultivation in first place?” I still have many personal shortcomings and attachments that need to be eliminated, particularly my attachment to a comfortable life. As long as my body feels alright, the attachment to living an easy life would emerge. I would slack off in cultivation, triggering the recurrence of my earlier discomfort. Because of this I learned the seriousness of cultivation and walking an upright cultivation path in order to prevent the old forces from taking advantage of loopholes.
Recently, I cried after reading an experience-sharing article submitted as part of China’s Fa Conference this year. The author had been illegally detained for submitting a lawsuit against Jiang Zemin. In the harsh environment of the detention center, she did not stop cultivating and continued to do the three things well. Within 19 months, she persuaded more than 200 people to quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its youth organizations. Eventually, the intermediate courts withdrew all charges against her, and she was acquitted. Fellow practitioners in China have my admiration for their diligence in saving sentient beings despite the difficult environment. Yet I had allowed myself to become trapped in the comfort of my relaxed environment! Their stories motivated me to become more diligent in cultivating.
If there are any errors in my understanding, please point them out.
Thank you, esteemed Master and fellow practitioners!
(Presented at the 2022 Singapore Fa Conference)
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