(Minghui.org) Greetings, esteemed Master, and fellow practitioners!
I have been cultivating for 28 years, and obtained the Fa in August 1994 when attending Master’s class. Additionally, I was being taught the exercises and the Fa.
Before I stepped into cultivation practice, I enjoyed browsing different kinds of books. I would even read thick books that discussed philosophy. However, I admit that I did not quite understand what I read, despite carefully reading the entire book.
I had many doubts in my mind, and was searching for answers. I recalled that once after school, several students were talking with our teacher. He taught English and American literature. I asked this teacher, “What is life?” He said, “Life is to cultivate.” This answer was deeply imprinted in my memory. After obtaining the Fa, I understood that what I had been looking for is Falun Dafa, and I decided to cultivate in Dafa.
Cultivating in the Media Project
I have been involved in the media for over 10 years. I didn’t know anything about media work when I started, so I had to learn everything from scratch. The coordinator had a professional background, good technical skills, was highly efficient, and was smart and capable in my opinion. I asked him many questions, and he answered them as best he could. Later, I heard that he worked during the day, and participated in the project at night, so I didn’t dare to trouble him.
Two veteran practitioners patiently taught me many things. I once thought that I should be worthy of the time that practitioners have sacrificed for me – I would do more by working twice as hard for the project. A veteran practitioner in charge was truly interested in training us. This benefited me a lot, and I understood that we must keep a serious and conscientious attitude towards media work.
In the early days, there were not enough people on duty for the network. I was mostly alone when on duty. Due to a heavy workload and having to look after many aspects, I was always tense for hours. At that time, everyone was giving selflessly and maintained our strong belief in helping Master Li (the founder of Falun Dafa) to rectify the Fa and save sentient beings. We also knew that we had to keep a mutual trust in each other.
I remembered some of the people and things of the past that left a deep impression on me. Thus, I felt that we should cherish this project, cherish the past, cherish the practitioners who cooperate with each other, and even more cherish the environment that Master has created for us.
After some time, I felt that the media gradually changed, and I realized that the indoctrination by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) was affecting us. Participants didn’t pay attention to the quality of work, but blindly pursued click-through rates. They were too eager to achieve a quick success. I was confused and complained about the management, and became passive. I felt desperation in my mind.
My eyes were on the external inadequacies, but I failed to promptly remove the corrupted things behind my passive state, nor did I get rid of the human heart in time. In fact, after participating in the media, I put doing things in the first place for quite a long time, and I was attached to the time the Fa-rectification ends. My cultivation did not keep up and my righteous thoughts were insufficient. Thinking about it carefully, behind the dissatisfaction was a heart of looking down on others, as well as having a competitive mentality, and jealousy.
I gradually learned to lower my expectations, and I regarded myself as a little monk who worked behind the scenes and did things silently. Once, a practitioner talked to me and mentioned that someone was dissatisfied with me. I restrained myself at that time, but also expressed my disagreement. Afterwards, I felt aggrieved and wondered how is it a mistake to do things seriously. Aren’t they huddling together and pulling people down? Thinking about it like that made me feel all the more a sense of unfairness, and my competitive mentality increased.
After studying the Fa, I realized that I was not letting it go. Isn’t this a human attachment? Isn’t cultivation about removing human attachments? I felt that others have brought fame and personal gain to work, but does it mean that I don’t have an attachment to fame and personal gain because I didn’t get a single cent? I saw that I was not satisfied with other people’s quality of work and this included complaining and looking down on others.
I was emphasizing what I thought was right. I realized that even if others were wrong, I could not say that I am right. Removing human attachments is what is important. Being unforgiving when I am right is a human principle. Did I meet the requirements of the Fa, and find something that was good in others? I saw that practitioners are indeed under pressure, and at the same time, they let me see their hardworking side, and they are also working hard in the midst of busy-ness. In fact, they had taken on more work. After I calmed down, I felt as if nothing had happened.
Last year, the media required staff to take tests in proofreading, grammar, journalism and writing. When I got the training materials, I saw that there was a lot of content and time was limited, so I felt apprehensive. On the one hand, I feel that it is imperative to take exams to improve standards and work quality. But, on the other hand, I felt that I lacked confidence. How could I remember so many things? I didn’t know how the exam would be done and whether the exam questions would be difficult. I was rejecting the exam in my heart. Once I calmed down, I asked myself, “If this is the most basic knowledge that needs to be mastered, why don't you just learn it?”
I tried to simplify my daily life, arranged other things to make them easier, and prepared a study plan. After calming down, I read what I had gleaned bit by bit, but sometimes I really couldn’t absorb what I read. If I couldn’t understand or comprehend the material, I would try to read it repeatedly. At the same time, I let go of worrying about gains and losses. I thought that even if I failed the exam, it would only affect me personally; if I made a mistake in the media work, it would directly affect the public. Thus, the exam became less important than my daily duties. If I take the issue seriously, maintain a righteous mind, I shouldn’t pay so much attention to the result. I eventually passed all the exams successfully, which also boosted my confidence.
In the news environment, when paying attention to the dynamics of the world, I understood from the Fa that after a cultivator's side that has been cultivated well is separated, the human side is still cultivating, and thus the human side will be easily driven by various factors, and would easily defend ourselves. Who would never make mistakes? Thus, if one can always rectify the point of doing things, one would be less likely to go astray.
Cultivating While Reporting for Minghui
I have been involved in reporting local events for the Minghui website for over a decade. There have been many difficulties during this process, which allowed me to slowly remove my attachment to self; there were also many miracles given the strengthening from Master, for which I am extremely grateful.
When writing, I sometimes suffered writer’s block. Sometimes, when my mind is broadened, I have to go away to deal with other things; sometimes when I come back from doing other things, my mind slowed down again. When I had thoughts that came in a split second, I needed to record them immediately. In fact, after entering the working state, I am very afraid of being disturbed. One day, while I was rushing to produce a report, a practitioner called several times to ask about a matter. I tried my best to understand that the practitioner had urgent problems to solve, and answered them to the best of my knowledge. But, I also had to explain repeatedly that I was busy. However, the practitioner kept calling me from morning to afternoon. In the evening, the practitioner called again, and my anger arose suddenly. I felt that the capacity in my heart was not enough. The practitioner didn't call again, but I lost a large section of the draft that I had sorted out, and had not saved.
Before finishing a draft or when I need to do some interviews in advance, I would roughly plan the time and adjust my state. But a few times after my time was disrupted during the process, it was very difficult. At first, I always thought that the purpose was to cooperate on this matter and make it a success, so I should try my best to endure it during the process, but sometimes I still got upset at the last moment. When reflecting, I was thinking, “That’s right, if things always go smoothly, it wouldn’t have been so hard. Isn’t this making you suffer more?” I remembered in the media training, the trainer mentioned how a writer talked about the key to successful writing is to “read, read, read; write, write, write; endure, endure, endure.” Writing is not easy, creation is difficult, and the torment of rewriting are a threshold for editors, publishers, and critics. I lamented that even ordinary people have realized the need to endure.
Once, I had a disagreement with a practitioner, and we each insisted on our own opinion. I felt that the other party did not understand but said “I understand,” and blamed me for what others did not do well, which was a bit overwhelming. Just before this happened, two practitioners had whispered to me their dissatisfaction with this practitioner. If I followed this line of thinking, it would be logical to think that the other party must be wrong.
Reflecting on myself, I felt that my capacity was not enough. I tried to argue, I was attached to myself, I did not allow others to criticize me, and I did not have enough kindness. It is only when it seems unreasonable that the forbearance of a practitioner would appear. When I felt that I could let go of my attachments and wanted to cooperate well, Master would let me see practitioners’ shining side.
Sometimes I would receive praise from fellow practitioners when an article was published. Of course, being affirmed is encouraging, but one should also be wary of the mentality of showing off and zealotry. It is precisely during setbacks that I can find these hidden attachments of wanting to prove myself.
Over these years, I have often realized that I only need to use my mind and Master would supplement it. There are many things that are miracles when I thought about them later. Master has paved the way for many things. Once, I thought that it would be great if I could find a witness when writing about the April 25 incident. When I turned around, a veteran practitioner was standing behind me. After asking the practitioner, the practitioner replied, “I was right there, what do you want to know?”
Another time, when I was not sure what to do, I met two practitioners who told me about their touching experiences before 1999 [before the persecution began], which was exactly what I was looking for. This year marks the 30th anniversary of Dafa spreading around the world. When I met three practitioners and asked them to share their stories, I hadn't given much thought to reporting. It was only during the interview that I got to know they all obtained the Fa in the early spring of 1995, which was the time when Master began to spread Dafa overseas. After I finished the article, the more I felt that it was right to find them. The years that have passed are a precious memory, and having old photos made it perfect. There are many other examples which I do not have the time to mention.
I was often moved by Master’s compassion, and also by practitioners’ desire to validate the Fa by sharing their cultivation stories. Their golden hearts radiated energy and encouraged me to be diligent in cultivation.
Cultivating in the Family Environment
The family environment is the easiest place to relax, and the exposure of shortcomings is also a good place for cultivation. Every gesture, every word and every action can reflect kindness or unkindness, whether one pays attention to details, and whether one thinks of others makes it not so easy to avoid conflicts.
Once, I asked my husband a problem about the computer. He spoke in English, and I didn't understand. He said casually, "You don't even understand this, so how can we communicate?" I felt a little hurt at first thought, but I immediately realized that this was what I have said in the past. In fact, my husband was just stating a fact and nothing more. I felt that my words in the past often contained complaints, which were selfish and hurtful to others.
Another time, there was a little conflict, and I thought that I must tolerate it. Not long after, when I was listening to Master’s lectures audio recordings, and Master talked about “true insanity,” I understood that the person who has true insanity was actually suffering him or herself. My mind became clear, and I suddenly understood the connotation of forbearance.
For a period of time, my family expressed their dissatisfaction with me, but I didn't take it seriously. I thought that at my age, it's normal to nag, and I only talk like this more with people who are close to me. When this dissatisfaction came up again, I realized that I was wrong.
This eagerness of expressing oneself, interrupting others, and hogging the conversations all have a strong attachment of selfishness behind it. I was not considerate of others, but only considered my personal feelings. There was a lot of emotion in venting and seeking warmth. I backtracked to many years ago, and many things came to mind. I didn't do them well, and had regarded them as a trivial matter. I was really ashamed. I didn't know how many people I had hurt when I opened my mouth. I blamed myself and was very upset. During that time, my body also had problems, and I suddenly felt as if I had no confidence, and I did not even know how to talk.
I remembered a practitioner wrote in a sharing article: “Because I am a cultivator, I have to look within unconditionally, however painful it might be. I have to eliminate those elements that were impure and selfish. I also learned during the process that I was not aware that certain thoughts, words, and deeds were controlled and manipulated by those impure elements.” This passage resonated with me deeply, and encouraged me to dig deep into the notion of selfishness and cultivate away the habits that go against traditions.
Many times, I found that I was wrong again after saying something, as it contained selfishness. In this way, I tempered myself and rectified myself time and time again. There were a lot of trivial things in the family, endless housework, things that need to be balanced inside and outside of the family, and it is easy to expose grievances, complaints, impatience, comfort, etc. and get stuck in them. If I want to do well, the only way is to look within when there are conflicts. I realized that when I only focus on myself, I will feel that others are always unfair towards me; when I truly care about others, the environment will change for the better.
Considering my many shortcomings, I have been reluctant to write for a long time, and I almost gave up this opportunity to share. When I became clear that the process of writing a sharing is a process of cultivation, and a process of summarizing the past, finding shortcomings, rectifying myself, and also for validating the Fa, I then started to write.
“In any case, what Master would actually most like to say is that the overall situation is changing, but that Dafa disciples cannot allow their cultivation to change along with the changes in the situation. Make sure not to be swayed no matter what the situation is! Act like Dafa disciples and always cultivate yourselves no matter what problems you encounter.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2014 San Francisco Fa Conference,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. XIII)
The current situation is changing quickly. I will keep in mind Master’s urging, cultivate myself well, and walk the cultivation path well.
Above is my sharing. If there is anything inappropriate, please kindly point it out.
Thank you, Master, and fellow practitioners!
(Presented at the 2022 Singapore Fa Conference)
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